December 19, I was having a not so good day, that’s when we knew that we have no bonus to receive. ‘Unfair’ is the right word to explain the day. ‘oh well’ I said. Maybe that’s part of my punishment for hating xmas. And so I kept quiet and I just wanted to spend the rest of the night drinking. To make the story short.. we’re on my way to Alabang carrying a lot of stuffs,, gifts from our officemates.. until Jason and Carlo told me that I need to go home. I just gave them a confused look. I said I want a drink right away.. but then I was shocked when they gave me their gifts. I was really surprised! 2 books of Twilight Saga: Eclipse and Breaking Dawn! That’s why I need to go home pala! Carlo is also my monito in our gift giving in the office and he gave me 2 books of Paulo Coelho. Astig! Both of them are wishing me to have a happy xmas. and for that,, they completed my wish lists- im thinking that I don’t deserve those but still - its amazing! Then I thought.. these two friends that I have gave me not only the precious books,, but they gave me the best gift I had for the season… it’s the realization that Christ is still with me., eventhough im hesitant to recognize His presence. He’s with me to make me happy, to help me look forward to positive things, to feel the presence of those who love me.. He gave me hope through people that in the same way are thankful for my presence.

Thank you for your gifts everyone! Thanks for getting me back on my feet!

Currently Playing: Lightyears by Eraserheads

I’m really hoping that the good things are yet to come. It even made me listen to those who are talking about good lucks in Feng Shui.. about the Year of the Ox and of how lucky are those who are born in the year of the Boar because they are friends with Ox. Whatever that means. I just want to stay positive! I need some drive… fire! I’m really working on it! With the help of my friends and family,, hopefully,, like the other years that passed, this year too shall pass..and I’m gonna make it!

Got my dreams, got my life, got my love

Got my friends, got the sunshine above

Why am I making this hard on myself

When there’s so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy

Eto na naman ako.. I cant remember since when I hated xmas.. Its not that I hate Christ.., oh my,, I cant do that! – its just that for me, its sad. I’ve been vocal about this matter… and I understand when people around me don’t. They say I’m weird.. well, I tell them that they don’t need to be bothered by me not wanting the occasion… they just have to respect that. I don’t know, maybe because the occasion reminds me most of my mom.. of the happy times.. the celebrations, the comfort, the hope that the occasion brings… and its painful., knowing that things will never be the same again… i cant remember anymore how to be happy during xmas season.. funny. Yes, I haven’t really moved on.. I guess that’s the way it’s going to be.. and I don’t know when will this stop. I’m grateful though.. for my family, friends, and other blessings. Thanks for wishing me to have a merry xmas! I appreciate it! God bless!

Currently Playing: Sana Ngayong Pasko by Lea Salonga, The Man Who Cant Be Moved by The Script

I can still remember my last anime craze was Ghostfighter and Sailor Moon. Since I have nothing to do every night after office,, my officemate, Lee lend me some anime stuffs.. to kill time. First: Golden Boy- a very funny, semi-hentai, inspiring series.

And the latest.. Death Note! This series can drive you crazy… it’s a not-your-typical-type of anime,.. its about a boy named Light who wanted to rule the world by killing all the bad people by writing their names in the death note which came from a death god. Until an investigative team worked on to catch him. Its mysterious, tactical, provocative, mind-blowing. Gosh, I love L! i really recommend this if you want some rockin' on your world! yeahba!

hmmm… well, thanks Lee-bug! Your stuffs are really cool! Panext ako sa iba mong dvd ha?! Ehe…

Another addiction: Twilight! Its about an astonishing vampire who fell in love with an ordinary girl. I believe almost everyone knows about Twilight, I will not elaborate na. ehe! Whew! I love Edward! Sana ako nalang si Bella! (lande!) The film will be out soon na raw.. cant wait!

Currently Playing: Bella’s Lullaby

As I told you before, I was forced to live by myself near our office. I was contented to have myself a bedspace and gratefully gained new friends – my boardmates. After a year, two of them moved into a house that happened to be their staff house,, but they invited me and my other mate (Jhoy) to join them… and so we moved too. The house was good… just a little scary but its homey… it reminds me of my hideout in Panorama. But we stayed there for only more than a month after we held our Halloween party there (together with my officemates and Jhoy’s barkada – that was cool! –see my pics!) then the next day, our neighbors throw their complains on us. (KJ! it’s Halloween, c’mon!) So Jhoy and I was asked to move to other house.. (the complainants are powerful… isa lang masasabi ko,, mga pangit silang! Haha!) that was sad… but no regrets!

Come November,, we moved again to Jhoy’s friend’s available room. It’s a very cozy room – astig! It’s just that a lot of complications raised that made us to decide to leave that lovely place. After three weeks… babay again. Whew! Then finally, we found another room-for-rent in a nearby neighborhood.. where I am right now writing this. Hoping that this will be the last lipat-bahay we’ll ever have this year. I love being here now. It’s a studio type of room- quite small but we manage to make it cool and girly and comfortable – we used a lot of creativity to make it… hmmm… proud me! Hehe!

In just a very short period of time, four sets of keys occupied my keychain. It felt sad everytime I have to remove each set – it made me feel numb. I felt a feeling that I don’t belong to anywhere anymore. And it sucks! But it’s ok! Looking back… I feel so grateful that every lipat-bahay I had, my new friends (Jhoy’s barkada) are ready to help me carry my stuffs. Astig! Then I have my offcemates worried about me whenever I’m not with myself thinking about where am I supposed to find a new place to stay – and they keep me sane,, that’s the most important! J I’m glad though,, what more can I say… I have a new house!

Currently Playing: Angel by Sarah McLachlan

Its been a year since we moved to San Pablo,, and since I started renting and be living far away from my Dad and brother. It’s already been a year since my life had changed drastically. God, it’s already been a year.. How come I didn’t notice? It’s been a year,, what has become of me? I don’t know if I’ve been successful in my soul searching or otherwise… I’m having difficulty finding myself again… I almost always feel like I’m lost. Looking back over the past year,, I don’t know if I’m gonna laugh or have myself a knock out punch.. I’m 25 years old now and it’s hard to admit to myself that… I’m really lost - when I know for a fact that I can’t be lost, that I’m always in control. But I’m finding my way back to the circulation. I’m choosing to follow this path and I’m getting better now. Trust me. Hmmm,, let’s just say that I’m in “work in progress” now. haha! labo no?! I’m really getting near to craziness or whatever you call it. I’m finding comfort now in reading books, cross stitching, gym-ing, listening to hard rock songs through my earphones in its maximum volume til is hurts my ears. Still, I hardly understand what’s going on.

“People are going to disappoint you, I get that… I kind of expect that, but I dont know, what if you wake up one day and realize that you’re the disappointment. ” - Peyton Sawyer, One Tree Hill

Maybe I am… it’s not hard to see… It’s just hard to accept the stubborn fact.

There in the middle of happy people partying, I only see wine…
In between sound and noise, I only hear music…
In the midst of confusion and tranquility there I shed my cry…
Carry on…

Currently Playing:
One Tree Hill Soundtrack esp. I don’t want to be by Gavin deGraw and When the Stars Go Blue by Tyler Hilton
Catalyst by Anna Nalick
Wait by Get Set Go
Breathe You In by Thousand Foot Krutch

P.S.
you might be puzzled.. from my last post I mentioned that I’ll weed out my other unnecessary baggage, to be at peace and be a blessing to other people. Sorry to disappoint you, I wish I could but I can’t help it. Well, maybe that’s the way it is. Truly, it’s hard to say you’re okay when you’re not. Don’t be deceived. My life is an understatement.

Reckon
I’ve been spending a lot of time or even days pondering what just had happened to me since mid August.
Time is exceptionally running in a flash.
So fast… I can’t even catch my breath.
So rapid… It seems like few minutes just past from last week.
I don’t know what to say anymore,, a lot of things had happened.
Every day is all different than others.
New experiences, new adventures, new acquaintances.. new found realizations…
Nothing seems repetitive, nothing to complain about, haha!
Everyday is a surprise,, how cool is that?!

My New Hideout
Before anything else, i wanna tell you about my new hideout. For those of you who doesn’t know,, my first hideout was in our old place In Panorama Ville, Sta. Rosa. It took me time before I find a place to be my new hideout. And now, I fin’lly found her. It’s a good simple place, near the school so somehow I feel a bright ambiance especially when I hear children’s voices every morning. Our room is lovely and warm,, perfect for our tired body after work. I’m with my former dorm mates who are now like my own sisters, accompanied by new friends/tambays that I can have cool conversations with and share loud hard laughs. Astig! I’m really striving to be more organized this time. An organized room mate is really a big factor. Well, I’m really trying, and I believe I’m learning… It’s never too late to change my bad rotten side, right?! hhmmm… wish me luck!

In The Absence Of Your Company

I’m facing a lot of revelations now. From my friends, the people around me…I’m quite worried. It’s just so unexpected, it caught me by surprise.. Its makes me wanna say, teka, isa-isa lang! But i can’t do anything about that, nothing that I can hamper the outcome. Its hard coz its coming from different people close to me, revealing things that challenges my convictions and perspectives. I know I should keep an open mind.

“I’m surrounded by liars, everywhere i turn I’m surrounded by Impostors,everywhere i turn…

I’m surrounded by Identity crisis, everywhere i turn

Am i the only one who noticed?
I cant be the only one concerned?
I don’t wanna be anything other that what I’ve been trying to be lately.
all i wanna do is think of me and i have peace of mind…

I don’t wanna be anything other than me.” - I Don’t Wanna Be by Gavin deGraw

I don’t know why I get easily affected by the circumstances divulged in front of my eyes. I don’t know for what reason but I get disappointed. And the disappointment doesn’t irritate me anymore but - it saddens me. Appallingly this is very new to me. That’s why right now, I’m running to the people with light heart and full of positive force - to make me smile as I start the day or at least before I sleep. And I’m thankful. As I reckon back how time had rapidly passed, I was terribly surprised to notice that now.. I have nobody to talk with about my concerns, my inner conflicts and even the most stupid Ideas I got in mind. It seems that a big part of me is lacking. It sinks to me just now - should I really have to get used to this? Where are you?

“At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world, some are running scared, some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day, others are just not facing the truth. some are evil men at war with good, and some are good struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes, all you need is one” - Peyton Sawyer, One Tree Hill

The gym thing – a sweaty way to escape reality!

Just last month the thought of physical work out hit me. I decided to inquire to a gym near our office and then after a week I enrolled. I invited my officemates to go with me and I’m glad they were all encouraged. But due to hectic schedules, only one committed to go with me – Cerwina! We’re gym buddies now- cool! Working out is truly no joke. My first day was hell… I cant even lie down to my bed… ache is everywhere in my body. The following days, I’m getting used to it.. and whenever I can feel the pain… in every sit ups… in every lift… I’m enduring it and I’m loving it. It makes me wanna kick some ass! Wapak!

Before I decided to work out.. I thought I just wanna be healthy… and I’m achieving it right now. And then I realized that I want a goal… hmmm… to achieve rich yummy abs! yes, that’s a goal. I want that… hehe.. well, wish me luck! Woohoo! =)

Currently Playing: Energy by Keri Hilson
Better in Time by Leona Lewis (Peram ng theme song mo cerwin!)
Superwoman by Alicia Keys

I’m glad… August is being kind to me.. not as cruel as June and July.

I’m working out now… and the good thing about it is that, it lessen my time to check the net. Coz whenever I go home from the gym, I just wanna sleep… Sarap! Well, maybe the less information, the better… less thinking, less piles of ideas to absorb after reading… it’s quite relaxing…but I miss this actually.

My mind is clear… I’m having enough time to converse with other people… to share thoughts, to listen… and its good coz it helps me refrain from thinking about my senti stuffs. I realized that weeding out my other “unnecessary” baggage in life does not only lighten me up but it also gives me more opportunities to share my blessings.

I’ve been through a lot of soul searching nowadays and it makes me either look up to see the sun or the stars at night in the skies and smile for such gratefulness or stare to nothing and push the calculator buttons coz if not I’ll wail. It brought me to reminiscing about something that I once called my “calling” – which is to help other people… to keep my optimism and idealism in this society. I was once a volunteer, active in many civic organizations – but as I dived to the real world – even if I don’t want to, I was forced to play the game of survival. And now I wonder – what happened to my calling? Will I ever be able to live with it?

Then I was able to read an article of Young Blood last August 12, entitled Barrio 101, and it taught me a lot of things.. some are as follows: If you want the world to change, change first; Live simply, so others may simply live; and most of all… HUMILITY. The article is very inspiring. somehow it told me that its never too late for my so-called “calling”, starting with a small change, simple good deeds, and then an act of humility. I can still live with it, until I finally find the time and opportunity to go back to where I’m supposed to be. I can get there.

Yesterday, an officemate/friend thanked me for something. I asked him what for, but he just said, “Basta!” and for no reason, it felt good. That wide smile and cheery eyes… it changed my day. There’s a particular feeling of happiness whenever I’ve been able to share something or inspire someone… it reminds me of my calling – and that’s something to me! Its contributing to my wholeness though I’m partly broken. That made me forget my fear about the future, the loneliness close relatives are bringing to me or that I cannot have the man that I love, my disappearing friends… despite the tragedies and misfortunes,, these are the moments I can feel that I’m alive – and I’m so alive! And to tell you, I believe its all a matter of choice!

Currently Playing: No Air by Voice Avenue
Burning Man by Third Eye Blind
Searching my Soul by Vonda Shepard
Go on girl (trust me when I say that I’ll be okay..)

You’re gonna make it, Madj!

I need to say it to myself. To whom but myself shall I get comfort.. as I need it more often. As a new friend told me, that the problem with being strong is – nobody bothers to ask if you’re hurt. They are confident that you can handle everything. Well, I guess I’ll take that as a compliment. But there are times that I don’t want that., but we cannot impose to anyone what we want them to do for us. I respect that. I know that’s part of what you called – unconditional love.

On the contrary, I love to do good things to others. To be a good friend to them,

sincerely. But then there are people who don’t like that. Lately, I encountered a situation where a friend didn’t want to be “touched”. Maybe I was being OA or maybe I really crossed the line.. but that moment – I was hurt. And for a while I allowed myself to be insensitive. After few weeks of soul searching, I realized that I shouldn’t continue such, for the simple reason that – its not me. Nevertheless, the experience taught me to respect others’ decision. No matter how long good years you’ve been together… sometimes you need to give space and time.. to let go.. hoping that the connecting thread in us still remains.. knowing that we can still count on each other.

However, I still must open myself to other friends who need me.. who’s willing to stick in the friendship as we sail through this life. although people always leave… and that hurts too. But life goes on, that’s why. Every now and then, we need to learn how to deal with it. I remembered a conversation I had with a friend years ago.. cant remember the exact words that I told him.. its like this.. “kahit umalis/mapagod na ang iba (sa pagkakaibigan namin).. mananatili pa rin ako.. para kapag maisip nila na lumingon/bumalik.. malalaman nila na may naghihintay sa kanila.. may babalikan sila.” And I intended to stick to that promise, though I’m not perfect but I’ll stick to it no matter what happens.

Currently Playing: Cinderella (OST PBB Season 1)

I’ll be There for You by Rembrandts

Paminsan-minsan lang tayong magkasama
Di pa pwedeng magtagal habol ang oras nagmamadali parang si cinderella?. hinahabol ang hating gabi?

Akala ko ba ay nabago na ng ihip ng hangin ang ating samahan
Dati kasi sabay tayong mag-inuman, mag-kantahan, mag-contest sa payabangan?

Chorus:
Paminsan minsan lang tayong mag-kasama di pa pwedeng magtagal habol
Ang oras nagmamadali parang si cinderella hinahabol ang hating gabi?.

Kamusta na?(kamusta na) kamusta na? kailan ba tayong huling nagkita?
Ikaw pa rin ba ang dating ikaw? ako? ako pa rin ito
(repeat chorus 2x)

Paminsan-minsan lang tayong magkasama ang kasiyahan ng barkada ay simulan na patugtugin ng bidyoke at tayo?y mag kantahan na? buksan na ang mga bote ng beer at tayo?y mag-inuman nahhh?

TUMATABA NAKO!!! Seriously – believe it or not! Its been such a long time since I saw myself so good like now! Hmmm.. siguro my early years in college. So imagine the time between! People will tell me “Madj, anong nangyari sayo?! Bakit nag payat mo?!!” (Ouch!) and other people who are being nice to me will say “Sumesexy ka ah?! Todo diet?!” (Naalala niyo pa ba un? Kung sino man kayo? Try to remember also my ngiting kambing! Wahaha!). Well I feel so good nowadays about my bod! I can really say that I’m an occasional smoker now. (Another believe it or not! haha!) masaya lang talaga ko! Pano,, need to buy new clothers now, ung kasya na sakin, ung hindi nako magmumukhang suman! Wahehehe! =)

Currently Playing: Video by India Arie

After the good message I got from my birthday… I believe by now I finally decided to be happy. As a friend always says, “mind over matter”. It’s right. I always believe that everything happens for a purpose. I think that all the down moments needed to happen in order for us to realize the essentials in this life. it’s like in swimming… when you’re in the water and you find your muscles tired of moving and you’re about to get drowned… you must let yourself get down… pull down the gravity… reach the bottom… then kick it hard for you to rise up again… to swim again. In my case.. I embraced them all… the loneliness, failure, disappointments, emptiness,,.. and now I can say.. I’m getting better!

"Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part
of your life that you expect it to always be there, because you can’t
remember a time in your life when it wasn’t. But then one day you feel
something else, something that feels wrong, only because it’s so
unfamiliar. And in that moment you realize you’re happy."
- Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill

Currently Playing: Breathe by Anna Nalick

hi there! happy birthday to me!!!!
so to start the day… @ 12 am im in alabang,got drunk with Millimeter friends… in the morning… 8:30am.. i feel terrible… i head is bad. but i feel better when i saw a box of chocolates in my office table, toni gave me..yum yum! mam lina, my boss, told me that my day is free.. i can do other things in office other than work… whoa! how cool is that?

but since i dont have a fone right now, my supposed-to-be-special-day become so quiet.. as i said yesterday, im not feeling so good nowadays… well maybe thats how its gonna be… being far from your family is really hurting…especially when you wake up in the morning and there is no one to greet you of that special day…

it made me feel better when i opened my friendster account and found my brother leave a comment on my friendster… a great feeling indeed…

in the night,, i asked toni to accompany me in the nearest chapel,, i prayed so hard that it is open.. lucky me! its not only open, there is also an on going Mass! we attended the Mass and talking to God is really a wonderful feeling… it completed my day! we stayed at Diaz (a bakery) eat something and talked about a lot of important issues in our lives.. cool indeed! thanks Toni, i really appreciate it! love you sis! mwah! ^_^

i went home and had a brief chat with sis. Anne, a great firend.. updates.. also a quick conversation with kuya abe (ex-officemate)… which leaves me a good message for my birthday… it goes like this…

abe: buti masaya na sya
madj: yea… thats true…
abe: ikaw…are you happy?
madj: huh?
abe: haha
madj: what a question?
abe: bkt? masama bng maging masaya?
madj: well, yan ang question na mahirap sagutin ng oo para sakin
madj: gusto ko maging masaya, but i cant,…
abe: alam mo madj…happiness is a state of mind…it is your choice/decision if you like to be happy or not…right?
madj: yeah…
madj: what if there is no reason to be happy?
abe: hehe well….in time…you can finally say you’re happy…if you have finally decided to be happy…
abe: you can make it happen….kaw pa
madj: thanks kuya abe.. it means something to me…
(sana lang mabasa mo to! *_*)

thats all for tonight… i need to face something important tomorrow.. well good luck for me.. my moment of truth… pray for me… thanks.. it means a lot!

Currently Playing: Shake ye Head by Eheads

Hi there!

Today is Carlo’s birthday and the day started in the office full of energy and spirit. Loud music, laughter everywhere,… everybody - happy.

I was troubled when I realized that I didn’t feel good after that good laugh.. I noticed that I automatically get back to my poignant mood. Why cant I be happy everytime? I know how good it feels to be happy.. to laugh hard… to smile.. but now, I just cant even if I want to.

So what I did… I keep myself busy all day. I give myself a favor that as much as possible I will avoid thinking (yes, that’s my new pastime, to think a lot about everything til I finally see myself staring to nowhere). I was the dj for the day and I played my rb’s and mellow songs in the afternoon. That was good coz I’m getting busy planning what song to play next… sounds to soothe the mood of everyone in the room.

Well, I actually don’t know what I’m feeling right now. I know that tomorrow will be a special day for me but it doesn’t seem to be. I don’t know but I feel a bit anxious.

Now in my headset, with loud hard sounds… waiting for the time to pass till its 6 o’clock. Then we’ll go party to celebrate the birthdays!! Astig! Once again…sige lang… agos lang… one thing is for sure.. it will all end.. I know I’ll be happy again… things will never be this hard for me… for the mean time… wear a smile… drink beer and party!


(here are some photos of our clubbing that night at Antakya)

Currently Playing: Gone by Urbandub

hello there… musta, anu balita?? hehe…

im spending my days just in a calm state.. haha, hindi ako warfreak ngayon haha! well, masaya naman patambay tambay kun san san… its cool, though.. e, aun lang ang kaya e… footlong footlong… squid balls, prends prays… and my new craving… PENOY na may Sabaw!! woohoo!! dbest!!

im spending my weekends in our home…watching Onetreehill… aun addict na talaga… sobrang kareer.. walang patawad,, umaangal na nga ung dad ko e! but its ok lang, e dahil sa love niya ko, pinagbibigyan na lang niya ko… ahihi! aun, paganun ganun, nood ng dvds… nood ng fpj films para makibonding sa mga kamag-anakan (i could say na fpj films are really good!)… then kinig ng Urbandub,, Hopiamanipopcorn songs, soundtrips, tambay with my millimeter friends.. tumawa ng tumawa, magjamming.. the rest of the week,, sumasaya na rin… kahit walang celfone… haha, im back to the primitive time.. ang simple lang.. pero namimiss ko rin ang makatanggap ng mga quotes kung kani-kanino, yeah! saka nga pala ansaya kasi aus na ung friendster account ko.. simple nalang ren.. saka marami narin akong bagong mga nadidiscover sa net.. which is good..

well.. my birthday is fast approaching and now im busy thinking how i want to spend it.. tomorrow will be carlo’s birthday already and he’s planning to have a night-out celebration somewhere in alabang… hmmm… i must admit… im more than excited for his celeb than mine! how is that?! haha! i guess i want to have a simple celeb with officemates (who else, maiba naman, haha!)… basta.. enjoy lang ako ngayon… tawa lang.. agos lang… ngiti lang… everythings gonna be alright kahit nasa gitna ng people-always-leave-lonesome-syndrome ko.. whatever that means…

sige, unitl then! *_*

Currently Playing: Superstar ng Buhay ko by Swissy and Kung kailangan mo ako by Session Road.. (wala lang.. un ung nasa streaming audio e.. oldskul but astig!)

Just last Sunday I went to my close friend’s despedida party. Selfish as I am – I feel so sad yet happy for her good fate. I guess I just cant stand why people have to leave…especially those who are close to me.. so close to me. They are gradually moving away – in pursuing good life. good life…

She’s my kababata… and since my Ate got married, she had been my refuge everytime I encounter rocky situations. A sister, indeed.

We had a drink, smoked cigars.. reminisce our distant past.. wondering,, will we still be able to do this again?? I gave her one of my favorite necklace and told her to wear it in able to remember me. It hurts really. I have to hide my tears simply because we’re not used to tolerate dramas in life… or maybe not this time.

Tonight I’m crying …crying because I can feel the loss. I feel so empty and helpless – just tonight. I hate it when someone leaves. Why does it have to happen? We’ve been apart for few months and we barely send text messages to each other. I know I shouldn’t feel this way but the thought of her going to other country is undeniably depressing. And I can’t hide my fear when I learned that another close friend of mine is going to follow her and also about to leave few months from now. Kelangan ba talaga mangyari to???

I hate it when my friends are moving away. Maybe I hate the fact that I’ll be left behind. Where am I supposed to go now? They say things happen for a purpose.. but I don’t want it. Truly there are things that we really don’t have control of.. and its making me weak. All I have right now are photographs. Everything is changing and I don’t feel the same – even if I convince myself that everything will be okay.

The people who have great impacts in my life… who knows me better… like Maryjhoy… as well as Kuya Jr (who’s also leaving on the 29^{th —} sigh)… and as the rain falls outside my window… allow me… to cry myself to sleep.

Currently Playing: Minsan by Eraserheads

Photographs by Nickelback

Landslide by Smashing Pumpkins

Hi there! It’s a while.. I could say that I’m really having a great time nowadays… so busy… can’t even take the time to write. Well, its me…

I have a great month… ups and downs and a lot of adventures are coming my way. Everything is happening for a lesson to learn. Great summer.. great vacation…great time… great trials to balance each.

This time I would like to tell about a new friend who happens to be my board mate. As she told me all about her life.. somehow I felt the connecting thread between us. Surprisingly, she is someone who is exactly my opposite. But we have something in common – very common.. alcohol & cigarettes… bwahahaha! We had a 1-on-1 drinking session tonight. I accepted her invitation because I know I need the comfort tonight because I feel so lonesome. She told me a lot of things about herself and I did likewise. The great thing about our talk was when she told me about her own obsessive compulsiveness (now you know why we’re so opposites). How she get so upset whenever changes comes in her way. even in petty things – like for example.. the position of her pillows in her bed.. it should be in the right location – the way she wanted it – and she feels discomfort whenever she failed to position her pillows the way she wanted it. Those little things irritates her.. she worries too much. I said she’s being hard on herself and she admits that. She makes things complicated. And that’s something that she doesn’t like about herself. And she adopts the same attitude even in other important matters in her life. then she concluded that its because of the effects of the painful memories she had from her childhood (I will not elaborate on this part – very long story hehe!) I was amazed when she told me how she envy me. (Whattt??? Hmm.. yes she told me that! But just a bit). She told me that she wish she was like me… carefree.. who doesn’t worry even if my slippers are just scattered beside my bed.. my necklace is just in my bed instead of being on my bag or somewhere (not in my bed!).. my notebooks, books and other reading materials are just in the other side of my bed., instead of being in the bookshelf… my pillows and blanket aren’t neatly placed in my bed when I leave it in the morning… how I laugh eagerly for simple tv commercials that she don’t even notice not until she saw me laughing at it. She envy how light my life can be that I can smile always (well she doesn’t really know me well yet, haha!). I told her I have my fair share in problems in this world and things aren’t easy as it seems to me. But I have a lot of ways to lighten up myself,, which includes music, writing and long talks with friends.

I therefore conclude in this circumstance that we are all different in every aspects of our lives – that makes us very unique and special. I often say to her… “Kanya-kanya lang yan! Kanya-kanyang bigat at gaan…” The difference is – how do we face each situations in your life- how to deal.. How much faith do you have? To lay back in times of trials and to laugh hard in facing gratefulness in life. We really do have to learn as we live. To embrace life as it is… and not to run away from it. To learn how to give and to take.. to love more.. even if it gives you nothing but hurt..

Haayy.. it’s a great time really.. we didn’t bother even if we still have work the next day.. well, I believe its worth it.. even if its raining outside… at least she… gave me a reason to smile a bit… Thank God!

Currently Playing: Live and Learn by the Cardigans

Fade Away by Sugarfree

Chasing Cars by Snowpatrol

Hand in my Pocket by Alanis Morissette

Hi there! It’s a while.. I could say that I’m really having a great time nowadays… so busy… can’t even take the time to write. Well, its me…

I have a great month… ups and downs and a lot of adventures are coming my way. Everything is happening for a lesson to learn. Great summer.. great vacation…great time… great trials to balance each.

This time I would like to tell about a new friend who happens to be my board mate. As she told me all about her life.. somehow I felt the connecting thread between us. Surprisingly, she is someone who is exactly my opposite. But we have something in common – very common.. alcohol & cigarettes… bwahahaha! We had a 1-on-1 drinking session tonight. I accepted her invitation because I know I need the comfort tonight because I feel so lonesome. She told me a lot of things about herself and I did likewise. The great thing about our talk was when she told me about her own obsessive compulsiveness (now you know why we’re so opposites). How she get so upset whenever changes comes in her way. even in petty things – like for example.. the position of her pillows in her bed.. it should be in the right location – the way she wanted it – and she feels discomfort whenever she failed to position her pillows the way she wanted it. Those little things irritates her.. she worries too much. I said she’s being hard on herself and she admits that. She makes things complicated. And that’s something that she doesn’t like about herself. And she adopts the same attitude even in other important matters in her life. then she concluded that its because of the effects of the painful memories she had from her childhood (I will not elaborate on this part – very long story hehe!) I was amazed when she told me how she envy me. (Whattt??? Hmm.. yes she told me that! But just a bit). She told me that she wish she was like me… carefree.. who doesn’t worry even if my slippers are just scattered beside my bed.. my necklace is just in my bed instead of being on my bag or somewhere (not in my bed!).. my notebooks, books and other reading materials are just in the other side of my bed., instead of being in the bookshelf… my pillows and blanket aren’t neatly placed in my bed when I leave it in the morning… how I laugh eagerly for simple tv commercials that she don’t even notice not until she saw me laughing at it. She envy how light my life can be that I can smile always (well she doesn’t really know me well yet, haha!). I told her I have my fair share in problems in this world and things aren’t easy as it seems to me. But I have a lot of ways to lighten up myself,, which includes music, writing and long talks with friends.

I therefore conclude in this circumstance that we are all different in every aspects of our lives – that makes us very unique and special. I often say to her… “Kanya-kanya lang yan! Kanya-kanyang bigat at gaan…” The difference is – how do we face each situations in your life- how to deal.. How much faith do you have? To lay back in times of trials and to laugh hard in facing gratefulness in life. We really do have to learn as we live. To embrace life as it is… and not to run away from it. To learn how to give and to take.. to love more.. even if it gives you nothing but hurt..

Haayy.. it’s a great time really.. we didn’t bother even if we still have work the next day.. well, I believe its worth it.. even if its raining outside… at least she… gave me a reason to smile a bit… Thank God!

Currently Playing: Live and Learn by the Cardigans

Fade Away by Sugarfree

Chasing Cars by Snowpatrol

Hand in my Pocket by Alanis Morissette