Its been a year since we moved to San Pablo,, and since I started renting and be living far away from my Dad and brother. It’s already been a year since my life had changed drastically. God, it’s already been a year.. How come I didn’t notice? It’s been a year,, what has become of me? I don’t know if I’ve been successful in my soul searching or otherwise… I’m having difficulty finding myself again… I almost always feel like I’m lost. Looking back over the past year,, I don’t know if I’m gonna laugh or have myself a knock out punch.. I’m 25 years old now and it’s hard to admit to myself that… I’m really lost - when I know for a fact that I can’t be lost, that I’m always in control. But I’m finding my way back to the circulation. I’m choosing to follow this path and I’m getting better now. Trust me. Hmmm,, let’s just say that I’m in “work in progress” now. haha! labo no?! I’m really getting near to craziness or whatever you call it. I’m finding comfort now in reading books, cross stitching, gym-ing, listening to hard rock songs through my earphones in its maximum volume til is hurts my ears. Still, I hardly understand what’s going on.

i love you but i have chosen darkness

“People are going to disappoint you, I get that… I kind of expect that, but I dont know, what if you wake up one day and realize that you’re the disappointment. ” - Peyton Sawyer, One Tree Hill

Maybe I am… it’s not hard to see… It’s just hard to accept the stubborn fact.

There in the middle of happy people partying, I only see wine…
In between sound and noise, I only hear music…
In the midst of confusion and tranquility there I shed my cry…
Carry on…

Currently Playing:
One Tree Hill Soundtrack esp. I don’t want to be by Gavin deGraw and When the Stars Go Blue by Tyler Hilton
Catalyst by Anna Nalick
Wait by Get Set Go
Breathe You In by Thousand Foot Krutch

you might be puzzled.. from my last post I mentioned that I’ll weed out my other unnecessary baggage, to be at peace and be a blessing to other people. Sorry to disappoint you, I wish I could but I can’t help it. Well, maybe that’s the way it is. Truly, it’s hard to say you’re okay when you’re not. Don’t be deceived. My life is an understatement.

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