I have the need to write..
I don’t know for what reason but I believe I really have to..Tamang-tama, wala si daddy,, solong solo ko ang computer! Sa wakas nakakapag-sound trip na naman ako ng talagang malakas! Bawal umangal ang mga kapit-bahay once na patutugtugin ko ang personal sound track ko >> eheads! Isarado nalang nila mga bintana nila kapag narining na nila ang butterscotch, hey jay, slomo, milk and money, andalusian dog, saturn return, waiting for the bus, hahaha, at ang iba pang eternal favorite hits ko ng eheads!
Life can sometimes be very confusing.. eventhough you know for yourself whats your reason for living, the direction.. but then along the way you’ll find yourself losin your way,,,
I guess that’s the way it is. “at ngayon, di pa rin alam kung bat tayo nandito, pwede bang itigil mo na ang pag-ikot ng mundo.” Sometimes we tend to runaway, to escape,, but at the end of the day, you’ll ask.. I’m running away from what?? what for??
Tama ba talaga na isipin na theres something missing in your life? Sa kabila ng blessings na natatamo natin.. bakit hindi parin tayo nakuntento? Tapus pag may problema tayo, sobra galit natin sa mundo without even realizing kung anu-ano na nga ba mga pinag-gagagawa natin sa mga buhay natin? Minsan kasi may pagkakataon na kapag alam natin sa sarili natin na tama tayo (kahit mali) we tend to justify it! (un parang: masakit ngipin mo pero kain ka pa rin ng ice cream kasi trip mo,, mangangat’wiran ka “according to studies ok daw kumain ng ice cream kapag masakit ang ngipin para ma-reverse mo ung sakit.. parang +1-1=0” tapus maya-maya, tahimik kana lang sa isang tabi sa sakit ng ngipin mo na umabot na hanggang sa ulo mo). minsan kahit pointless sige paren.. “eh trip ko e!” im happy with what im doing, nobody can stop me!” pwede ring ‘I have the right to do whatever I wanted to!” freewill kumbaga! Tapos ang masaklap dun.. kapag nag-fail tayo sa ibang bagay,, we tend to blame other people for the failure. Maaaring pamilya natin, nanay, tatay, mga utol, kaibigan, gf/bf. Nadadamay na minsan pati past mo, ung upbringing sayo, environment, gobyerno.. (naks! getting intellectual kuno! Hehehe!). The inclination of getting what we need or want as the best things to get rid of the said failure is chasing you! we’re trying to believe that there really is something missing in our life, well in fact we just failed to recognize the best things, the best people, best resources and assets that we already have which is also what we need to make the most out of our lives.
Di kaya nagiging pasaway lang tayo sa buhay? Kahit minsan alam na alam naman natin ang tama at mali pero nagiging pasaway lang talaga! Wanna prove something out of ourselves?? Taking for granted the things that are essential to us like our studies, works, relationships.. time.
Hindi ako nagsusulat ngayon para manermon o magbigay ng advise.. well, kung tamaan ka, mas mainam.. pero higit kanino man gusto kong sabihin to sa sarili ko! (nya nya nya!!)
Eto na yata ung sinasabi sakin ng ka-brod ko tungkol sa “Delay Obedience” – Psalms 119:60 (getting spiritual now!).Ouch!! un ung pagpapaliban sa paggawa ng tama,,sa pagsunod! un din ung mga katwiran na "saka na ko magpapakabait,, wanna have fun now! wanna live my life to the fullest!" –OK! may ganun akong tendencies e! pero parang mali yata..
Why delay Madj? Move! Move! Go ahead! Anu pang hinihintay mo? You have a lot of things you want to do out of your life diba.. so what are you doing? Why are you messing around? Forget about those failures! Sail on! How soon is now??
Truly, its hard to move forward if everyone around you are moving so fast that you don’t know if you could be as good as them as you run your own life.. just fight the good fight! “You just look to the left and just look to the right, nakikita mo naman na hindi pantay-pantay. Hey, hey, hey, hey jay, be happy everyday, everything’s gonna be okay!”
Well, for me… getting ahead means… first of all,, swallow and digest this article! (yeah right!), write in my new journal again, after I lost them ( ;< ), finish reading my book so I can fin’ly start my new one (feed my mind!), clean our house, try to get up early so I can cook our breakfast, empty my pending tray.. at marami pang iba!!

“ngunit kahit ano, makakarating din tayo, kung saan man tayo patungo ang daan ma’y liku-liko minsan malabo.. kita-kita sa dulo!”
Just recently, I was lucky enough to catch on one of my fave channel, a good movie that touched my heart not so long ago. It was a story of a group of friends that at first would leave a “corney” impression but later on would strike you stra ight to your heart. I don’t used to watch this kind of movies casted by a lot of young stars because definitely im not impressed by their acting tied with how they pronounce their words and delivering their dialogues, etc. But this time, although I have seen the movie once, but it seems to affect me like no any other movies have touched me. Simply because… I can relate to it. The way we (my friends) talked, how we shared something about ourselves, how we laughed at silly jokes each one throws, the way we plan our “gimmicks”.. haayyy… It immediately gave me a teary eye.. “Kuya” just have reminded me of my friends’ significant portion in mine especially in this time of my life.

“pana-panahon ng pagkakataon maibabalik ba ang kahapon…”

Personally, I have a lot of friends. That’s undeniably true! I have been involved to several organizations and wherever you plunk me, I can always have somebody to get along with. And unlike any other, I am blessed enough to meet a lot of “true friends”, who will stick with me no matter what! Those describes in songs.. ”keep smiling, keep shining, knowing you can always count on me, for sure… that’s what friends are for!!”. These friends of mine are those I met along the way towards adolescence…

“Minsan sa may kalayaan tayo, nagkatagpuan, may mga sari-sariling hilig at kanya-kanyang hangad sa buhay..”
But let me share this to you., Im very much grateful to belong to an extraordinary kind of friends I met during college. You may think that we’re just a typical barkada.. the type of group who can be with you during gimmick times, tripping moments and inuman sessions. but to tell you.. they’ve caught the very huge part of my heart! Coz I believe, it was with them that I had been molded to a better person that I am now! it is with them that I learned a lot of things a person needs to grow emotionally. It is with them that I had experienced freedom, freedom to be myself which allowed me to understand more about being me. It is with them that I was inspired to do things I thought I can’t.
Actually I really don’t know why I keep on telling these things. But how could I not?

“ ilalim ng iisang bubong mga sikreto’y ibinubulong, kahit na anung mangyari, kahit na saan ka man patungo…”

I was broken then and I was trying to find somewhere to belong to. I want to find myself, my significance. I don’t even know how to start. I guess that’s how I was lost, maybe that’s the effect of losing a mother in an early stage, but I wasn’t aware of that by that time. Then I met them.. in fact, I find them the kind of people I cant stand with. Simply because they seem so serious and studious,, and I am not! Along the way I found many group of friends who introduced me to some kind of freedom I thought I really longed for. I took a grasp of this so-called freedom and i had fun! I just found myself coming back for more of what they can offer. Challenging myself,, how far can I go?

“di ko inakala na magkakaganito, wala namang nagsabi na malabo ang mundo, di narin namin inaasahang maintindihan, alam naman nilang wala kaming pakialam kung san man tutungo at kung kailan kami hihinto,, kung bukas man o bukas pa, tuluyan nang tapusin ang kanta…”

Suddenly, I came to realize that as I get high on other things, my grades are falling down. I even tried to convince myself and other people that I was just a “typical” teen who’s still longing for adventures in life, that the fun is part of it. I tried to balance everything just to prove them that I can. Years passed. Although I might say that I’ve been involved to a lot of good groups that opened my mind to a lot of important things around me, in society in general. And I believe im in the right track. But I know deep inside me that there’s something missing in me as a student. . I failed to give importance to the things that really matters. Time came that I realized that I need to cut down my extracurricular activities to be able to balance my priorities. A lot of ups and downs happened to me. But its just so amazing that after all this time, my dear friends are with me! They are even willing to stop their own world just to pull me up,, as I may describe it.
Then, I recognized their support for me. There were times that they help me to catch up to all that I have missed. Teaching me lessons that Im not familiar with and helping me in group works, discussions and projects. I was amazed by the friendship that was formed I wasn’t conscious enough how much it grows over time. That’s when I realized their vital part in my life. Then I told myself,, I don’t wanna lose these people who accepted me, appreciated me and loved me in spite of all.

Now tell me,, how can I ever let go of these people who have saved me?! people who gave me direction and involve me to the path they are heading. People who helped me understand my own significance, as they allow me to intervene with their lives.

“…no one could ever know me, no one could ever see,, seems you’re the only one who knows what its like to be me.. someone to face the day with. make up through all the mess with. someone I’ll always laugh with. even at my worst, im best with you!”

Until now, I could say that it is with them that my heart feels the calmness it ached for after the distressing hours in the office. It is still with them to whom I can find my peace of mind. With them I can still be myself. With them I can rest, enjoy, release, share, support, breathe, and feel safe.
“..this is such a wonderful place to be… even if there is pain now, everything will be alright, for as long the worlds still turns there will be night and day, can you hear me.. there’s a rainbow always after the rain…”

Oh, how I miss my dear friends.. I know we are in this stage of our lives that we need to strive so hard in search of our own Personal Legends. But it really feels good whenever, once in awhile, we find time for one another, to share experiences and our emotions, our new discoveries whenever little by little we go beyond the boundaries, our new realizations that make us a little matured in particular circumstances. Still its indescribable how we find comfort from one another, somehow, somewhere, no matter how far we are from one another… whatever happens… we know we belong together… we will always be KANLUNGAN. “Pagkat kami ang nagsisilbing kanlungan ng bawat isa…”
“..sasamahan ka sa tamis,, sasamahan ka sa pait.. sasamahan ka sa dilim… sasamahan ka hanggang langit…”
“Sana’y hwag kalimutan ang ating mga pinagsamahan…at kung sakaling mapadaan baka ikaw ay aking tawagan dahil minsan tayo ay naging tunay na magkaibigan…”

3 feet long na to!! Ang saya-saya!!! ^_^