Its been a year since we moved to San Pablo,, and since I started renting and be living far away from my Dad and brother. It’s already been a year since my life had changed drastically. God, it’s already been a year.. How come I didn’t notice? It’s been a year,, what has become of me? I don’t know if I’ve been successful in my soul searching or otherwise… I’m having difficulty finding myself again… I almost always feel like I’m lost. Looking back over the past year,, I don’t know if I’m gonna laugh or have myself a knock out punch.. I’m 25 years old now and it’s hard to admit to myself that… I’m really lost - when I know for a fact that I can’t be lost, that I’m always in control. But I’m finding my way back to the circulation. I’m choosing to follow this path and I’m getting better now. Trust me. Hmmm,, let’s just say that I’m in “work in progress” now. haha! labo no?! I’m really getting near to craziness or whatever you call it. I’m finding comfort now in reading books, cross stitching, gym-ing, listening to hard rock songs through my earphones in its maximum volume til is hurts my ears. Still, I hardly understand what’s going on.

i love you but i have chosen darkness

“People are going to disappoint you, I get that… I kind of expect that, but I dont know, what if you wake up one day and realize that you’re the disappointment. ” - Peyton Sawyer, One Tree Hill

Maybe I am… it’s not hard to see… It’s just hard to accept the stubborn fact.

There in the middle of happy people partying, I only see wine…
In between sound and noise, I only hear music…
In the midst of confusion and tranquility there I shed my cry…
Carry on…

Currently Playing:
One Tree Hill Soundtrack esp. I don’t want to be by Gavin deGraw and When the Stars Go Blue by Tyler Hilton
Catalyst by Anna Nalick
Wait by Get Set Go
Breathe You In by Thousand Foot Krutch

you might be puzzled.. from my last post I mentioned that I’ll weed out my other unnecessary baggage, to be at peace and be a blessing to other people. Sorry to disappoint you, I wish I could but I can’t help it. Well, maybe that’s the way it is. Truly, it’s hard to say you’re okay when you’re not. Don’t be deceived. My life is an understatement.


I’ve been spending a lot of time or even days pondering what just had happened to me since mid August.
Time is exceptionally running in a flash.
So fast… I can’t even catch my breath.
So rapid… It seems like few minutes just past from last week.
I don’t know what to say anymore,, a lot of things had happened.
Every day is all different than others.
New experiences, new adventures, new acquaintances.. new found realizations…
Nothing seems repetitive, nothing to complain about, haha!
Everyday is a surprise,, how cool is that?!

My New Hideout
Before anything else, i wanna tell you about my new hideout. For those of you who doesn’t know,, my first hideout was in our old place In Panorama Ville, Sta. Rosa. It took me time before I find a place to be my new hideout. And now, I fin’lly found her. It’s a good simple place, near the school so somehow I feel a bright ambiance especially when I hear children’s voices every morning. Our room is lovely and warm,, perfect for our tired body after work. I’m with my former dorm mates who are now like my own sisters, accompanied by new friends/tambays that I can have cool conversations with and share loud hard laughs. Astig! I’m really striving to be more organized this time. An organized room mate is really a big factor. Well, I’m really trying, and I believe I’m learning… It’s never too late to change my bad rotten side, right?! hhmmm… wish me luck!

In The Absence Of Your Company

I’m facing a lot of revelations now. From my friends, the people around me…I’m quite worried. It’s just so unexpected, it caught me by surprise.. Its makes me wanna say, teka, isa-isa lang! But i can’t do anything about that, nothing that I can hamper the outcome. Its hard coz its coming from different people close to me, revealing things that challenges my convictions and perspectives. I know I should keep an open mind.

“I’m surrounded by liars, everywhere i turn I’m surrounded by Impostors,everywhere i turn…

I’m surrounded by Identity crisis, everywhere i turn

Am i the only one who noticed?
I cant be the only one concerned?
I don’t wanna be anything other that what I’ve been trying to be lately.
all i wanna do is think of me and i have peace of mind…

I don’t wanna be anything other than me.” - I Don’t Wanna Be by Gavin deGraw

I don’t know why I get easily affected by the circumstances divulged in front of my eyes. I don’t know for what reason but I get disappointed. And the disappointment doesn’t irritate me anymore but - it saddens me. Appallingly this is very new to me. That’s why right now, I’m running to the people with light heart and full of positive force - to make me smile as I start the day or at least before I sleep. And I’m thankful. As I reckon back how time had rapidly passed, I was terribly surprised to notice that now.. I have nobody to talk with about my concerns, my inner conflicts and even the most stupid Ideas I got in mind. It seems that a big part of me is lacking. It sinks to me just now - should I really have to get used to this? Where are you?

“At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world, some are running scared, some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day, others are just not facing the truth. some are evil men at war with good, and some are good struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes, all you need is one” - Peyton Sawyer, One Tree Hill