Just last Sunday I went to my close friend’s despedida party. Selfish as I am – I feel so sad yet happy for her good fate. I guess I just cant stand why people have to leave…especially those who are close to me.. so close to me. They are gradually moving away – in pursuing good life. good life…

She’s my kababata… and since my Ate got married, she had been my refuge everytime I encounter rocky situations. A sister, indeed.

We had a drink, smoked cigars.. reminisce our distant past.. wondering,, will we still be able to do this again?? I gave her one of my favorite necklace and told her to wear it in able to remember me. It hurts really. I have to hide my tears simply because we’re not used to tolerate dramas in life… or maybe not this time.

Tonight I’m crying …crying because I can feel the loss. I feel so empty and helpless – just tonight. I hate it when someone leaves. Why does it have to happen? We’ve been apart for few months and we barely send text messages to each other. I know I shouldn’t feel this way but the thought of her going to other country is undeniably depressing. And I can’t hide my fear when I learned that another close friend of mine is going to follow her and also about to leave few months from now. Kelangan ba talaga mangyari to???

I hate it when my friends are moving away. Maybe I hate the fact that I’ll be left behind. Where am I supposed to go now? They say things happen for a purpose.. but I don’t want it. Truly there are things that we really don’t have control of.. and its making me weak. All I have right now are photographs. Everything is changing and I don’t feel the same – even if I convince myself that everything will be okay.

The people who have great impacts in my life… who knows me better… like Maryjhoy… as well as Kuya Jr (who’s also leaving on the 29th — sigh)… and as the rain falls outside my window… allow me… to cry myself to sleep.

Currently Playing: Minsan by Eraserheads

Photographs by Nickelback

Landslide by Smashing Pumpkins

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