I’m working out now… and the good thing about it is that, it lessen my time to check the net. Coz whenever I go home from the gym, I just wanna sleep… Sarap! Well, maybe the less information, the better… less thinking, less piles of ideas to absorb after reading… it’s quite relaxing…but I miss this actually.

My mind is clear… I’m having enough time to converse with other people… to share thoughts, to listen… and its good coz it helps me refrain from thinking about my senti stuffs. I realized that weeding out my other “unnecessary” baggage in life does not only lighten me up but it also gives me more opportunities to share my blessings.

I’ve been through a lot of soul searching nowadays and it makes me either look up to see the sun or the stars at night in the skies and smile for such gratefulness or stare to nothing and push the calculator buttons coz if not I’ll wail. It brought me to reminiscing about something that I once called my “calling” – which is to help other people… to keep my optimism and idealism in this society. I was once a volunteer, active in many civic organizations – but as I dived to the real world – even if I don’t want to, I was forced to play the game of survival. And now I wonder – what happened to my calling? Will I ever be able to live with it?

Then I was able to read an article of Young Blood last August 12, entitled Barrio 101, and it taught me a lot of things.. some are as follows: If you want the world to change, change first; Live simply, so others may simply live; and most of all… HUMILITY. The article is very inspiring. somehow it told me that its never too late for my so-called “calling”, starting with a small change, simple good deeds, and then an act of humility. I can still live with it, until I finally find the time and opportunity to go back to where I’m supposed to be. I can get there.

Yesterday, an officemate/friend thanked me for something. I asked him what for, but he just said, “Basta!” and for no reason, it felt good. That wide smile and cheery eyes… it changed my day. There’s a particular feeling of happiness whenever I’ve been able to share something or inspire someone… it reminds me of my calling – and that’s something to me! Its contributing to my wholeness though I’m partly broken. That made me forget my fear about the future, the loneliness close relatives are bringing to me or that I cannot have the man that I love, my disappearing friends… despite the tragedies and misfortunes,, these are the moments I can feel that I’m alive – and I’m so alive! And to tell you, I believe its all a matter of choice!

Currently Playing: No Air by Voice Avenue
Burning Man by Third Eye Blind
Searching my Soul by Vonda Shepard
Go on girl (trust me when I say that I’ll be okay..)