Hi there! Its been a while! Wazzup..
Should I say that I had my senti moments this past few days??!
Hmmm..
I had this pivotal moment of mine that I was able to reflect to all that’s happening to my life.. I could say that I am so blessed! Coz I was able to feel God’s presence in my life!
It all started sometime last week.. one morning.. between that fleeting moment of being awake and asleep, I had a dream about my mom. Her face was like in the picture of hers when I was about 10. so lovely, so fine..
In my dream, it seems that she’s been so far away for a long time and we were having long talks about what happened during the times that she wasn’t with us… We were talking of sweet things, agreeing about the same stuffs… and she seems so alive! Oh! Then I woke up… feeling sorry realizing that that blissful moment have to end. But it did gave me joyful tears that even in my dreams I was able have a glimpse of her.
In the workplace, I cant concentrate,, I cant help but think of my dream. Is there anything that she would like to communicate with me? What could be the message? I called my sister then and tell her about my dream, and as I observed her reaction it seems that there’s no strange feeling in her. So I assumed that my mom just wanted to say ‘Hi!’ to me!
After a few days, I was able to forget the dream,, I have to go on with my life as usual.. but then something left inside of me… its unclear…
Then questions started to popped up on my mind.. a lot of “what ifs” continuously movin me and directed my emotions to the height of its mode.. “what if my mom did not really died at all,, what if she’s still alive? Will I be the same person as I am today? Definitely not! Who might be me if she didn’t left?”. Ridiculous huh? Yes,, but then it will still dwell to the same question… “what if?”
Well, if you’re in the situation that you’re so tired from work,, but you still have a lot of responsibilities to do for your family and the community you belong to, and you’re trying to beat the time to arrive in your commitments in the soonest possible time, then at the end of the day, you feel so drained and you’re tired enough to put your shoes off, lie down to your bed, and be concerned about tomorrow’s day, close your eyes, hoping that you can get up early the next day so you wont be late to your work! Im not complaining about my work & responsibilities here,, coz I love what im doing! Its just that,, there will come a time that you’ll be physically & emotionally exhausted.. you’ll be dispirited. And this are the times when you need somebody to lean on… somebody to tap your back and say the nicest things to encourage you! It is the sweetest when you can actually hear it from your love ones,, your family. Sadly, my housemates (my dad & bro) don’t offer this kind of intimacy. My sister,, my very best friend, have to be away for she already has her own family to take care of. Oh how I wish I still have my Mommy with me, to take care of me in this time of my life. (Sigh!)
I’ve gone a long way already since God took her with Him and be at peace. I learned a lot of things by myself and been able to mingle with different kinds of people. I have plenty of realizations with each passing day about life especially with my relationships and spirituality. I could say that im stronger now than I was before. I know I have nothing to fear because I have a big God! im thankful coz most of the time im smiling than im crying or alone staring blankly. I know I have a lot of reasons to smile! God loves me more than I could imagine!
Back to the question.. what if my Mommy’s still alive til now?? Hmmm… maybe we’re always having long talks over a cup of coffee (like what my dad & I always do now!).. sharing our points of view, videoke-ing, supporting each other,, praying for each other.
Once in awhile I have this senti- mood, its just that I miss her so much.. but God never leaves me. I know my Mommy requested Him to! Im very grateful to feel His presence in my life. Its more than I could hope or dream of… indeed, a perpetual bliss!
Then I understood the message in my dream.. ^_^