..both
mystifying but then profoundly understandable. What a feeling. I am half empty
for I have to let go of my priceless possessions, living memories, the simplest
joys, silent refuge, my beautiful hideout. And the hardest part is that I cant do
anything about it. Half full – for something to look forward to, a prosperous
future awaits for me… the hope of a new and better memories to cherish.. of
adventure.. of love.. I heard a voice whispering in my ear telling me that
contentment is about to arrive only if I accept what I comprehend, and then
I’ll get full, which I know I haven’t yet. Hope it’ll be soon. Can’t bear the
pain anymore.

This past few days, I’ve been quite happy in
spite the difficulties. Truly I am. But there’s a fear in me that fate will turn
its back to me and leave me again as confused, lonely human being in the
planet. But tonight I’ve decided to
just set my mind – to be happy – happy as I can be as I cherish every minute of
that blissful state. To help add even an inch towards getting full.



When
can you say that enough is enough? If
you know for yourself that you want nothing less but more. Not empty, not
half.. but full. 120706

Yes, I understand now that
whatever life brings, there is a purpose which only happen to be unrealized yet
but it will eventually follows. I always say to myself that anywhere the wind
blows, it doesn’t matter.. I can get through. I know I can. Guess im in the
so-called “process” of moving on,, punyeta! whatever that means!


It seems that my life is in
chaos. The emptiness I feel is caused by several problems settling in my way
that turned my direction in a different path. Trying to focus and yet wanting
to lose control. Thinking for a solution but hopelessness and sadness gets in
the way. Faint. A month or two from now things will be all different and hard
for me but still I haven’t got any plan or even options for myself. Still in
the state of shock? Yeah, maybe a couple of weeks now.. ugh! I allow myself to.
Wail.



How to deal with changes by really trying…


As much as possible I try to
avoid being senti,, I had enough especially during my insomniac hours! Im
losing my appetite and whats keeping me alive and kicking are coffee and
cigarettes (exajj!). Sometimes I want to shout out loud, to smash things, to
throw everything out of the door and watch fragile things broke into pieces!
Arghh! I just imagine myself doing those but never got the courage to do so!
(takot ko nalang sa daddy ko!! Hehe!) TV got into my nerves,, I cant leave the
remote alone. Work and work in the office,, chat and chat and laugh and laugh,
I really need it I guess, otherwise insanity may come along. Thanks for the friends
who are still around and even more challenged to handle such senselessness (the
band-aid-brigade as I call it). My current theme song: hand in my pocket – “Im
lost but im hopeful.. Im free but im focused.. im green but im wise.. im sad but im laughing.. yeah! So what it all comes down to, is there
anything gonna be fine, fine, fine? Coz I have one hand in my pocket and the
other one is giving a peace sign!”