Sometimes we’ve been enjoying too much in our comfort zones.. but then time comes that it will be taken away from us,, everything changes.. its true, and its quite hard to face it,, to leave the comfort zones, the security, to test our wings and fly.. and to find ourselves experiencing the love from our own making.

Just few months ago, I was taught by fate that we really have to learn to let go of the things that we are afraid to lose. No matter how much we’re attached to them, no matter how hard we try, no matter how firm we hold on, how much care we gave,, still we need to learn how to let it go.. it may sound so sad, but hey! its really very sad, and I could say that that’s one the hardest thing that I encountered in my life - so far. I lose few of my material things that are very essential to me., I am a sentimental person and I love to put sentimental values on my things. That’s me. and the thought of losing them sucks! Changes took place and it really took time for me to recover.

But losing material things is not as bad as losing important people in our lives.. that’s incomparable.. And its terrible,, it makes your brain freeze that you cant think of anything anymore.. Its like you’re back to zero that you don’t know how to begin at all. Again, changes took place and lead my life in the direction that I didn’t planned at all. Yes it brought my emotions to the lowest mode but it gave me time to think of other things that I can do, potentials to improve myself..

Haha! Why am I writing about this sort of things?! How ridiculous it is to write about your own sloppiness and lunatic moments. Now im laughing at myself! Yeah right! Im laughing at myself! And I am happy! I don’t know for what reason but I am genuinely happy! (^^,)

Back to changes..

I always get teary eyed by the songs themed by changes.. especially about friends. some lines goes like this.. “paminsan minsan lang tayo mgkasama, di pa pwedeng magtagal,habol ang oras nagmamadali parang si Cinderella..”, “parang ang bagal ng panahon pag wala ka, alam kong walang dapat sisihin na akoy nadito aat nandyan ka..”, “pana-panahon ng pagkakataon maibabalik ba ang kahapon?” ugh! Those songs made me really nostalgic! But it feels good somehow..

“I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT I WAS LOOKING for and my time is running wild a million dead-end streets… Every time I thought I’d got have made and seemed the taste is not so sweet. So I turned myself to face me but I’ve never caught a glimpse of how others must see the faker I’m much too fast to take the test.”

Yes I m happy right now,, but in the other end, some things continue to cling on my mind.. “can I sail through the changing of ocean tide, or can I handle the season of my life,, oh, I don’t know.” Can I still make it the next time around? Can I still hold on? Oh God, why do things have to change at all? Why is it that as much as you want to stay right, other people, especially your loved ones would want to turn left? Why is that you cant do anything bout it? why do we need to depart our ways? Why does pursuing your dreams may mean letting go of the beautiful things that you once had? Why it is sometimes when you’re lost in bitterness nobody is there to save? Why is it that one day in your routinal life you’ll stop and think for a while and realize that you still don’t know what you’re looking for? that you’re still not getting what you really want..that for unknown reason, you can’t really identify what you truly want.. Vague, isn’t it? Its not that im being neurotic or something, its just this junks happen to drop by to my brain and it gently internalized them. ^_^

In today’s world of down sizing, finite positions, uncertainty,, change is inevitable and the effects are unpredictable. Today, with my dreams not yet realized, I am quite happy. I am currently satisfied with the lessons I am gaining from each trials im encountering. I am enjoying every step that my life takes me, always open to learning new things and creating perfect balances, gradually putting my passion into action. I like myself when im having this time to think about what’s going on in my life, it made me realized how much I’ve changed. Well anyway, things might seem so unclear for now,, but one thing is certain,, there’s a purpose,, Yeah! And im being hopeful that I may be able to understand them one day. and as the song goes “So make the best of this test and don’t ask why It’s not a question but a lesson learned in time” Yes! They also said it wont be easy,, but I believe it will be all worth it after all.
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