Showing posts with label getting better. Show all posts
Showing posts with label getting better. Show all posts
gesmunds
December is a big month for me!
Tatlong close friends ko ang ikakasal, dalawa dun ang aabayan ko.
Nagpromise ako sa sarili ko na magdi-diet na ko, para magkasya ako sa mga gown.
Pero bakit kung kelan inaayos ko ang diet ko, saka naman sobrang magparamdam ang mga temptations.
This month, my preparations for big events start. Yet I'm making a lot of violations to my own rules: cutting the carbs, lessen fat intakes, exercise. Naiisip ko, "ngayon lang naman e!" saka "ngayon lang naman ulet!" Oh my god,, I can't help but EAT!

Big Mac! Twister Fries! Muffins, muffins, muffins! Porksilogs! Ham and Cheese Croissants! Mashed Potato! Buttered Bacon & Potatoes! Sausages! All Meat Pizza! Double Cheeseburger Deluxe! Longsilogs! Gogo Sandwiches!

Sorry, di ko na nakuhang kuhanan ang mga foodtrips,, tuwing maalala ko, e naubos ko na pala. Haayyy, pano na to?
I only have a month,, ugh!



Why is cheating indeed so pleasurably and fabulously tasty??



Currently Playing: 2012 by Jay Sean
gesmunds
Hindi ako techie na tao, alam yan ng kahit sinong malapit sakin.
Sa unang pagkakataon, nagkaroon ako ng immense yearning para sa isang bagay. Kahit kelan hindi pa ako nagkaganito,, 'love at first sight' kumbaga! eto na talaga un! un tipong maloloka ako kapag hindi ko makukuha to!
SHARE KO LANG..


Naalala ko pa nong college ako, nung nauso ang celfone, Philips Savvy ang brand ng fone ko. pinagkakaguluhan na sya ng mga classmates ko dahil sa nakakaaliw niyang tone at dahil 2-liner na siya. After few months, napalitan naman un ng Nokia 6110, bumili kasi si Dad ng bagong fone kaya pasa-pasa ang paglevel up ng fone naming magkakapatid, so ung Philips ko napunta sa bunso kong kapatid. Tuwang-tuwa ang lahat ng mga nakakakita, lahat gustong humiram, lahat gustong maka-experience ng NOKIA! Lalu pa't ang ganda ng keypad, mas slim, tapos may infrared, at higit sa lahat,, may games tulad ng Snake! haha! Para sa akin wala un, gusto ko lang talaga ng may fone kasi marami akong ka-text dati. Wala akong pakialam sa brand, basta lang matibay. Hindi ko alam na un na pala ung kahuli-hulihang pagkakataon na makakasabay ako sa uso. I think mga bandang 2003 nung nahulog ng ate ko sa baha ung 6110 ko, kaya kailangan nang palitan. Medyo short na kami sa budget kaya hindi na ko nagdemand ng mamahalin. Since then, at kahit pa ngayong nagttrabaho nako, simpleng fone pa rin ang gamit ko. Walang hi-res camera, walang internet, walang memory card, walang mp3. Simpleng pantawag at text lang. Ayun. Masaya na ko dun.

***

Pagdating naman sa mp3 player, nakabili ako nun kasi mura lang naman, P2500.00 lang kaya gora na! nakatagal din siya sakin ng 3 taon. Maingat naman ako sa gamit e,, kung di sira o nawala, hindi ko pinapalitan. Un lang ang naging kaligayahan ko sa gadget, simpleng celfone at mp3 player,, kahit iwan mo ko sa isang tabi ng buong maghapon makekeri ko.

PAGBABAGO...

Sabi nga, kapag tumatanda, maraming nagbabago, sa expectations, sa motivations, sa standards, sa responsibilities, at marami pang iba.


***
I'm glad, isang taon na ako ngayong buwan na to sa kumpanya na to. Isang taon na mula nang nakawala sa masalimuot na sistema nuon na madalas kong maiblog dati. At sa paglipat ko, kasabay kong nakamit ang sweldo na gusto kong matamo mula pa non na hindi maibigay ng dati kong kumpanya. Lumevel up rin naman ang tingin ko sa sarili ko at masasabi kong kuntento na ko ngayon. Cheers to that! :)

***

Kinausap ako ng tatay ko isang araw, siguro mga ilang linggo palang mula nang lumipat ako ng kumpanya.
"Tulong-tulungan na muna tayo sa bahay ha. Alam mo naman un diba?"
- Opo, alam na alam ko pu yon.
Binigyan niya lang naman ako ng ilang mga finacial responsibilities sa bahay. Maluwag sa sakin un., walang problema. And since single pa naman ako, why not??
Bukod sa binibigay ko sa bahay, lumaki rin ang gastos ko sa nirerentahan kong bahay malapit sa opisina.


Sabi nga, "With great power comes great responsibility." tanggap ko yon. Ganun talaga, hindi na kasi ako bata. Pero keri lang!


***
Isang araw, nagkausap kami ni Joy (roommate)..


Me:
"Uy, anu yan.. Wow, bagong celfone!"
Joy: "
Oo, bumili na ko ng bago, para naman masabi na may nangyayare sa sweldo ko kahit papano.. ung tipong may nakikita ako na naging bunga ng trabaho ko..."

Uu nga naman,, bakit parang ngayon ko lang naisip un.


Masaya na kasi ako na nakakabili ako ng mga gamit na kailangan ko gaya ng damit at sapatos.., pati na rin ang kumain ng masasarap na pagkain lalo na't pagod ako, at nakakapasyal sa mga beach kahit ilang beses ku gusto.. un lang naman kasi kaligayahan ko talaga.
Hindi ako materialistic, pero kagaya ni Joy,, parang naghahangad ako ngayon ng "something" para sa sarili ko. Ung may makikita ang mga tao sa paligid ko na may bitbit akong bagay na pinaghirapan ko.
Pwera yabang.


***
E di ayun na nga.
Ang haba pa ng justifications ko! hahaha!
well,, i just want to have this new ipod touch!
hopefully makuha ko na siya next month,, or at least before the year ends... haayy!

ang mahirap kasi e ung kukuhanan ko,, ishi-ship pa kasi and all..
still crossing my fingers!

marami na kong plano gawin kasama siya,, gusto ko siyang isama sa marami kong mga lakad!
naeexcite na ko! ^_^


Currently Playing:
Otherwise by Imago
Taya by Up Dharma Down
Comfort in Your Strangeness by Cynthia Alexander
gesmunds
I wanna go to Sagada - kahit ako lang mag-isa ! =) Sana kayanin ko!

gusto ko lang makakita ng seabed of clouds tulad nito... haayy...



Currently Playing:

Beauty In Walking Away by Marie Digby

light shines off in the distance
A pale flickering glow
How many times do I have to dream that I could be there
The time is here and she won't be waiting for me to find the easy way out
I've lost count of the days that were wasted

There's an answer in the sound of a train
There is wisdom past the bridge on the bay
There's a lifetime through the fog, in the rain
there's a beauty in walking away

I float on the streets that are empty
take the path that the wind only knows
Tonight is the last time that I'll ever be here

There's an answer in the sound of a train
there is wisdom past the bridge on the bay
There's a lifetime through the fog, in the rain
there's a beauty in walking away

It's never quite simple, it's never that safe
it never seems perfect until it's too late
It's never the right time to find a new way

There's an answer in the sound of a train
there is wisdom past the bridge on the bay
There's a lifetime through the fog, in the rain
there's a beauty in walking away

gesmunds
need to:
complete my things-to-bring list

shop shop shop!
diet - nah! oh pls!
songs songs songs and a lot - in my mp3!

pack and pack

want to:
jog with sunrise at the shore
spend time with sunblock and get wild!

alcohol and noise here I come
zorb or zip? - ha!

dig my toes into the sand

Mismo! uh-oh!
shades, starfish and snorkeling

get wet with the sun

buffet buffet buffet - whoa!
reflect with the glorious scene


Currently Playing: Sunburn by Sandwich
gesmunds
"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose . . ." - The Little Prince


Why do i have to confine myself to isolation?
Why do I let myself be numb?
Why can't I be open as I was before?
Why do I continue to be cold as ice?

Maybe it's the most convenient way for me to live freely.
I keep my headphones up all day to not welcome any embrace
Do I aim for solitude? Do I long for silence?
Don't I have enough?

Coz I've been through pain. And I promised myself I'll never get to experience it again.
I've realized that i have nobody to take care of myself but me.
But I seem to encounter the same hurt over and over.
Am I not really learning anything at all?

Everytime I get to open up myself with someone, I always get burned.
I always say I'm gonna give myself a chance
But I can't help but build a wall, to refrain myself from being tamed.
Then I would blame 'me' for being in a movie theater alone.

I admit I long for love. But how can I if I don't know it at all?
Or let's say I've forgotten how to.
Half of my heart is not letting go and continuously giving myself a chance - to believe.
I'm trying my best despite the fear.

No more loud music from now on - for me to listen more clearly.
I'll see things more closely as much as I can.
I'll refrain from talking so that others could express themselves freely.
Then I'll let the other half of my heart to realize that I could be loved.



Currently Playing:
Flinch by Alanis Morissette
Half of my heart by John Mayer


gesmunds
I believe that 2010 is a good year for me, I just realized.

As I read my past blogs and journals, I cant believe how lonely I was. Oh, I forgot! the reason why I created this blog is to make it an outlet of my emotions, where loneliness is most dominant. For some reasons like: missing my mom and my childhood, love that failed to blossom, damn bosses and admin (from my previous company), disappointments from officemates & friends and birthday blues.

I'm tired! I wanna break free - and I'm glad I did!

This freedom allows me to be more enthusiastic about life. It became clear to me that this year is my year to get back on my feet again and to start anew carrying the lessons I learned from my painful past. I can tell that I'm happier now... :) I started to work out again, jogging and biking - whew I love the sweat! I also started to put light make ups on my face which is really not my thing. Hihihi! I reorganized my things and all..to find new perspectives in everything I do. I've been to a lot of beaches this year and I'm planning go some place more! I feel free,, truly, it feels good to be unstoppable!

How could I be so blind to see the improvements I was able to attain.
My family is more intact now, i have a new job and great bosses, and although I'm not lucky enough to win the heart of the man I've waited, I learned how to love and hopefully be able to try again.:)

I wont promise that I'll no longer blog about my crappy past lonely life... if the need arises, I definitely will. But for now I wanna enjoy my life and the surprises that are yet to come. It feels like its my first time to discover this freedom. I dont know,, I got no long term plans and I stopped thinking about my goals. Now I am more ready for the unknown! I'm cool and smiling and enthusiastic!

And now... Let the Adventures begin!


Currently Playing: Colorblind by Counting Crows
gesmunds
im working out again,, i have a target! - June!

Damn,, its never easy,,, but i was surprised that i don't get muscle pains anymore.
or maybe its just the time that I'm doing each steps right. haha.

wait! bakit ba lahat natatabaan ngayon??
at bakit lahat ng kakilala kong tumataba e gusto magpapayat??

for revenge?? an escape from a painful past?
or is it really for the better you?? loving yourself more??

aha! i dont know whats the answer for me...
maybe i just felt the need for it.. whatever.


"... keeping busy everyday... i know i will be okay..."

Currently Playing: Out of Reach by Gabrielle
gesmunds
gumising ako kaninang umaga, nagmamadali.. dahil lagi nalang ako nalelate ngayon sa trabaho... last week ko naman na kaya hindi nako sinisita.. pagdating sa office,, timpla ng kape.. sabay nagpatawag nako ng meeting ulit para sa pagtturn over ko. busy buong maghapon... hanggang sa namataan ko kung anung petsa na ngayon...

September 9, 2009.

isang linggo nang naka-on ang alarm ko para sa araw na ito... hindi ko nalimutan pero hindi lang ako makapaniwalang ngayon na pala un... ang bilis ng panahon,, hindi ko namalayan.. ika-10 taon na pala nang kinuha ka ni Lord sa piling namin.

plano ko umattend ng Mass para sayo. at dahil kinailangang mag overtime, hindi ko na nagawa. tumawag ako kay ate,, malungkot niyang ibinalita sa akin na may sakit siya at hindi niya kayang pumunta sa bayan para makapagsimba gawa walang mag-aalaga sa mga bebi niya. pero pare pareho kaming nagdasal para sayo.

sa loob ng sampung taon, kahit masakit ang paglisan mo, hindi ko mapigilan ang pagiging proud na ikaw ang Mom ko! tuwing napag-uusapan ang mga nanay talagang hindi ako nawawalan ng kwento tungkol sayo. tuwing may nakikilala akong mga kaibigan na may nanay pa, inggit na inggit ako.

iniisip ko tuloy kung kasama pa kita,, malamang numero unong tagasupsrta ka sa mga pinagsususulat ko! siguro lagi tayong nalabas, nagwiwindow shop, nakain sa labas, at nanonood ng sine. simple lang kasi kaligayahan ng mo e,, sayo siguro talaga ako nagmana. siguro ikaw rin ang madalas kong kachikahan kapag may insomia attack ako., si ate kasi lagi nakong tinutulugan pagnagkkwento ako every weekend pag umuuwi ako.

sa awa ng diyos unti-unti na rin po akong nagiging okay sa kabila ng pagiging wasak ko ngayong taon. sayang, kung andito ka,, siguradong matutuwa ka sa progress sa buhay ko, masaya ka ngayon kasi ok na ang career ko. siguro magiging proud ka rin sakin. at alam kong ikaw din ang numero unong sasaway sa mga natutunan kong bisyo.

sayang mom, sana kasama ka namin.. alam mo, naging close na ulit pamilya natin.. alam kong gustong gusto mo un..
nga pala, makukulit na mga apo mo.. :)
si dad busy sa business niya pero masaya siyang nauwi sa bahay kasi madalas kumpleto kami.

sana nga pala nakilala mo mga kaibigan ko na humihila sakin pataas. ok sila kasama, sigurado magkakasundo kayo lalo na sa videoke sessions!

sana kung nandito ka,, lagi na kitang maittreat! anung gusto mo, palabok ng jolibi o lomi ng chowking? bibili tayo! kahit anung gusto mo... naisip ko nga minsan anu kaya kung ngayon ka nagkasakit at nangailangan,, may pambili na tayo ng mga tamang gamot para sayo,, mas maaalagaan ka namin kasi kaya na namin ngayon.

hayyy,, ayoko nang maluha.. lalaki lalo ang eyebags ko. alam ko namang mas ok kana ngayon. pasensya kana kung lagi kitang naddisappoint. malabo man sabihin na iniaalay ko sayo ang bawat ginagawa ko, pero hindi ko maiwasan ang magkamali. kulang talaga siguro sa guidance. pero tama ka, may tamang timing talaga si God sa lahat ng bagay! gaya ngayon... :)

i love you Mommy! we miss you so much!

currently playing:
TIME IN A BOTTLE by Jim Croce
If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that Id like to do
Is to save every day
Till eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you
If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
Id save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you
But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
Ive looked around enough to know
That youre the one I want to go
Through time with
If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you
But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find themIve looked around enough to know
That youre the one I want to go
Through time with

special thanks to reigun.. eto na, nagawa ko na ung post para sa mom ko! tnx! :)
gesmunds
The gym thing – a sweaty way to escape reality!

Just last month the thought of physical work out hit me. I decided to inquire to a gym near our office and then after a week I enrolled. I invited my officemates to go with me and I’m glad they were all encouraged. But due to hectic schedules, only one committed to go with me – Cerwina! We’re gym buddies now- cool! Working out is truly no joke. My first day was hell… I cant even lie down to my bed… ache is everywhere in my body. The following days, I’m getting used to it.. and whenever I can feel the pain… in every sit ups… in every lift… I’m enduring it and I’m loving it. It makes me wanna kick some ass! Wapak!

Before I decided to work out.. I thought I just wanna be healthy… and I’m achieving it right now. And then I realized that I want a goal… hmmm… to achieve rich yummy abs! yes, that’s a goal. I want that… hehe.. well, wish me luck! Woohoo! =)


Currently Playing: Energy by Keri Hilson
Better in Time by Leona Lewis (Peram ng theme song mo cerwin!)
Superwoman by Alicia Keys

gesmunds
I’m glad… August is being kind to me.. not as cruel as June and July.

I’m working out now… and the good thing about it is that, it lessen my time to check the net. Coz whenever I go home from the gym, I just wanna sleep… Sarap! Well, maybe the less information, the better… less thinking, less piles of ideas to absorb after reading… it’s quite relaxing…but I miss this actually.

My mind is clear… I’m having enough time to converse with other people… to share thoughts, to listen… and its good coz it helps me refrain from thinking about my senti stuffs. I realized that weeding out my other “unnecessary” baggage in life does not only lighten me up but it also gives me more opportunities to share my blessings.

I’ve been through a lot of soul searching nowadays and it makes me either look up to see the sun or the stars at night in the skies and smile for such gratefulness or stare to nothing and push the calculator buttons coz if not I’ll wail. It brought me to reminiscing about something that I once called my “calling” – which is to help other people… to keep my optimism and idealism in this society. I was once a volunteer, active in many civic organizations – but as I dived to the real world – even if I don’t want to, I was forced to play the game of survival. And now I wonder – what happened to my calling? Will I ever be able to live with it?

Then I was able to read an article of Young Blood last August 12, entitled Barrio 101, and it taught me a lot of things.. some are as follows: If you want the world to change, change first; Live simply, so others may simply live; and most of all… HUMILITY. The article is very inspiring. somehow it told me that its never too late for my so-called “calling”, starting with a small change, simple good deeds, and then an act of humility. I can still live with it, until I finally find the time and opportunity to go back to where I’m supposed to be. I can get there.

Yesterday, an officemate/friend thanked me for something. I asked him what for, but he just said, “Basta!” and for no reason, it felt good. That wide smile and cheery eyes… it changed my day. There’s a particular feeling of happiness whenever I’ve been able to share something or inspire someone… it reminds me of my calling – and that’s something to me! Its contributing to my wholeness though I’m partly broken. That made me forget my fear about the future, the loneliness close relatives are bringing to me or that I cannot have the man that I love, my disappearing friends… despite the tragedies and misfortunes,, these are the moments I can feel that I’m alive – and I’m so alive! And to tell you, I believe its all a matter of choice!

Currently Playing: No Air by Voice Avenue
Burning Man by Third Eye Blind
Searching my Soul by Vonda Shepard
Go on girl (trust me when I say that I’ll be okay..)

gesmunds

TUMATABA NAKO!!! Seriously – believe it or not! Its been such a long time since I saw myself so good like now! Hmmm.. siguro my early years in college. So imagine the time between! People will tell me “Madj, anong nangyari sayo?! Bakit nag payat mo?!!” (Ouch!) and other people who are being nice to me will say “Sumesexy ka ah?! Todo diet?!” (Naalala niyo pa ba un? Kung sino man kayo? Try to remember also my ngiting kambing! Wahaha!). Well I feel so good nowadays about my bod! I can really say that I’m an occasional smoker now. (Another believe it or not! haha!) masaya lang talaga ko! Pano,, need to buy new clothers now, ung kasya na sakin, ung hindi nako magmumukhang suman! Wahehehe! =)

Currently Playing: Video by India Arie