enveloped ideas

Did you actually spit on me??!!

2011-11-30T04:27:00.001-08:00

Do I need to take it personally??
A crazy woman just unthinkingly and inconsiderately spit on me...
On shoulder part,, near my face...
its disgusting.

She was talking to herself and suddenly she faced me and spit on me, as if I was the one who she was talking to.

I know nagkakalat ako nowadays... My life is a mess, sige na.. talo na ko. pero do i really deserved to be spit on??!

People looked at me, confused if they would laugh or be sorry for me.

Sweet day huh?! I just hope she doesn't have any viral disease. :(

Currently Playing: First of Summer by Urbandub (out loud)

Repost: Funfair

2011-11-03T23:55:00.000-07:00

"I spent today outside a funfair, since I can’t afford to fritter my money away, I thought it best to watch other people. I stood for a long time by a roller coaster, and I noticed that most people get on it in search of excitement, but that once it starts, they are terrified and want the cars to stop.
What do they expect? Having chosen adventure, shouldn’t they be prepared to go the whole way? Or do they think that the intelligent thing to do would be to avoid the ups and downs and spend all their time on a carousel, going around and around and then stop?
At the moment, im far too lonely to think about love, but I have to believe that it will happen, that I will find a job and that I am here because I chose this fate. The roller coaster is my life, life is a fast, dizzying game; life is a parachute jump; its taking chances, falling over and getting up and to feel angry and dissatisfied when you don’t manage it.
It isn’t easy being far from my family and from whom the language in which I can express all my feelings and emotions, but, from now on, whenever I feel depressed, I will remember that funfair. If I had fallen asleep and suddenly woken up in a roller coaster, what would I feel?
Well, I would feel trapped and sick, terrified of every bend, wanting to get off. However, if I believe that the track is my destiny and that God is in charge of the machine, then the nightmare becomes something thrilling. It becomes exactly what it is, a roller coaster, a safe, reliable toy, which will eventually stop, but, while the journey lasts, I must look at the surrounding landscape and whoop with excitement." - MAria , Eleven Minutes

>> I'm still alive,, yes I am! Bigger and Better, Bolder and Wiser me,, ready to kick some ass! haha! matagal-tagal rin ang hinintay ko..
Well,, finally... I'M BACK!

Currently Playing: Just Like Heaven by The Cure

About Today

2011-02-03T01:22:00.000-08:00

I'm remembering someone very special today and I thought it would be nice to stop in whatever's keeping me busy and write something. Surprisingly, I can't think of any. My mind is clouded. Blurry. Tired. Then I realized, I don't wanna think about him anymore.

With what I'm feeling right now, having a glimpse of him in the past, all the smiles and the aches, the mere fact that he's still in my heart, I'm thankful!

Currently Playing:

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed

You said move on, where do I go?
I guess second best is all I will know

'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian Summer in the middle of winter
Like a hard candy with a surprise center
How do I get better once I've had the best?
You said there's tons of fish in the water, so the waters I will test

He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth, oh!
He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself

You're the best, and yes, I do regret
How I could let myself let you go
Now, now the lesson's learned
I touched it, I was burned
Oh, I think you should know!

Oh, won't you walk through?
And bust in the door and take me away?
Oh, no more mistakes
'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay, stay

JUST A DREAM

I was thinking about her
Thinking bout me
Thinkin bout us (us)
What we gunna be?
Open my eyes, (Yeah)
it was only just a dream...

So I travel back (uh)
down that road (road)
Will she come back? (Uh)
No one knows
I realize (Yeah)
It was only just a dream.

I was at the top and now its like I'm in the basement
Number 1 spot, Now she find her a replacement
I swear now I can't take it
Knowing somebody's got my baby

Now you ain't around, baby I can't think
I shoulda put it down, shoulda got that ring
Cuz I can still feel it in the air
See her pretty face, run my fingers through her hair

My love of my life, My shawty, my wife
She left me, Im tied.
Cuz I knew that it just ain't right

I was thinking about her
Thinking bout me
Thinkin bout us (us)
What we gunna be?
Open my eyes, (Yeah)
it was only just a dream...

So I travel back (Uh)
Down that road (Yeah)
Will she come back? (back)
No one knows
I realize (Yeah)
It was only just a dream.

When I be ridin' man I swear I see your face at every turn
Trying to get my usher on but I can let it burn
And I just hope she know that she the only one I yearn for

No more will I miss her, when will I learn?
Didn't give her all my love
I guess now I got my payback
Now im in the club thinking all about my baby
HEY, she was so easy to love
But wait, I guess that love wasn't enough
I'm going through it everytime that I'm alone
And now I'm wishin' wishin' she'd pick up the phone
But she made a decision that she wanted to move on
Cause I was wrong.

If you ever loved somebody put your hands up
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up
Now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything

Slightly Irrelevant

2010-12-13T04:57:00.000-08:00

Our company got a dream project for next year, we considered it an early Christmas gift to us! In return, we have to give our best to meet all the deadlines before the year ends. Photo shoots here and there, meetings, creative brainstorming,,,everybody's just so busy. Somehow I feel so useless. Its tiring to just give moral support to your colleagues.

These are the times that I realize how much i hate my job.

God, how I wish I'm part of creative team.

I'm an accountant, Im okay with that but i cant tell if I'm happy even if I'm earning quite good.

Its just now that I get to ask myself why did I chose to be just safe. Why I wasn't brave enough to take a more creative course or something that was close to my heart?

Hayyy,, I have nobody to talk to right now, they're just too busy while enjoying the challenge this new project offers. I'm quite anxious coz I'm not with them right now. I felt unseen. Though I know for myself how significant my position holds. Ugh. I'm kinda getting bored, and I hate to consider it.

Hope Christmas Party na!

Currently Playing: The Time (Dirty Bit) by Black Eyed Peas, Fuck You by Lily Allen

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas (Cheating on Myself_3)

2010-12-08T00:12:00.000-08:00

Christmas time has a power to break my heart, so much that it can make me breakdown and cry. I can still clearly remember how my late Mom loved the season along with the music, colors and traditions attached to it. During Christmas time we would decorate our house. She often tell us how good it is to feel the Christmas spirit. Every night we would stare out the window, watch the colored lights and listen to its tune.

She was asking us to pray to God to give her more life - more Christmas. Then we would force ourselves to give a smile but we cry in our beds when she's asleep. That's all I remember in those Christmases for over 6 years of her battle against a disease.

After she died I have observed Christmas time with such a melancholy mood. In spite the painful reason, I don't make it an obligation to explain myself. That I am grateful for those who understand.

Until last year, when my sister and her family moved in our place, I decided to kick out that syndrome. The cheers and laughters of my nieces and nephews relived the essence of the Holiday Season. Its not easy to join the exuberance though. But gradually I was able to welcome Christmas again in my system, just except listening to Christmas songs.

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.."

CHANGE IS GOOD, I believe that.

And I wanna give myself a chance I think I deserve.

Life is a series of joys and struggles. Its good once in awhile to stop, contemplate and just be grateful for all the blessings that we're able to received through out the year.

I wanna thank God for the gift of life, gift of friends, gift of wisdom and most especially - gift of love.

Let me share to you a fave song that motivates me in the fast approaching Holidays.

Advance Happy Holidays Everyone! :)

Currently Playing: Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas by Jackson 5,

New Year's Anthem and All I Want For Christmas by Mariah Carey

The Rising Begins!

2010-11-26T00:14:00.000-08:00

"Ida Scott Taylor once wrote: Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering." - Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill

I'll be okay soon! :)

Currrently Playing: Middle of Nowhere by Hot Hot Heat

hey! you've got to hide your love away!

2010-11-24T02:34:00.000-08:00

"these past few days, mdami akong na-realize about sa family ntin... KANLUNGAN...
tau kc masaya, magulo kpg mgkksama.... tamang kwentuhan.. ung walang bahid ng yabangan... o kng meron man eh, noone is taking it against the other.. kumbaga simpleng yabang... hndi nkakainis.... hndi nkakabad-trip...

tau ung nagdadamayan when it seems the whole world is upon our shoulders... kahit saang lupalop ka man ng mundo nandon...

pg merong di nagkakaintindihan... pinaparating sa isa,,, not because pra pag-usapan lng, but because, gusto nting maayos ung gap or misunderstanding na meron..

msarap sa pakiramdam kpg ganung klase ng tao ung nkpalibot sau.., at ngyon ko lng tlga narealize kng bakit ganito kalapit sa puso ko ang kanlungan.... these are the reasons why i treasure all of u above anything in this world... (aside from my family, of course.. bru, seems familiar ba??)

love ko kaung lahat... though i may not be able keep in touch to ALL of you... pero malapit kau sa puso ko... you had me at my worst... and you will still have me at my best....

and i am referring to all of you na nakakabasa nito...." from my very dear friend, Donna

Mahal ko ang pamilya ko sa Kanlungan. Mga kaibigan ko sila since college, kasama ko sila nung unti unti kong nakikilala ang sarili ko at nang magsimula akong mabuhay ng may kahulugan. Malaki ang naging bahagi nila sa kung sino ako ngayon.

Sa maraming taon ng pagkakibigan, marami rin ang nabago. Maraming beses naming napag-usapan na sana hindi na tumakbo ang panahon at manatili kaming mga magkakasama at magkakaibigan. Pero gaya ng maraming bagay, natangay kami ng ikot ng mundo. May nangibang bansa, nangibang lugar, may nag-asawa na, at maraming nagpursue ng iba pa nilang mga pangarap. Pangako namin, walang limutan, na mananatili kaming magkakaibigan kahit magkakalayo.

Alang-alang sa barkada, ititigil ko na ang pag-eemote kong to.

Kahit alang kong sobrang didikdikin ang puso ko araw na un.

Sa lahat ng reunion, ito ang pinakakaasam-asam ko na hindi ko mapuntahan.

Pero alam kong hindi lang to tungkol sakin, tungkol to sa aming labing-lima na magkikita kita matapos ang mahabang panahon, lalo na sa iba na galing pa ng ibang bansa.

Pangako, alang-alang sa tropa, kalilimutan ko ang sarili ko kahit isang araw lang.

Alang-alang sa pinagsamahan, kakayanin ko., kung tutuusin wala rin naman silang alam at wala silang kasalanan.

Kaya pangako, sa December, okay na ko.

Currently Playing: Cinderella by Stage Crew and Kanlungan by Noel Cabangon

Cheating on Myself_2

2010-11-17T21:16:00.000-08:00

Pinangako ko sa sarili ko na hindi na ko magsusulat ng kahit ano tungkol sayo.. na hindi na kita aalalahanin pa.. na wala na kong babalikan na matamis na nakaraan kasama ka...

“kaninang umaga nagising akong may bakas ng ngiti sa mukha. Kasama kita sa aking panaginip, sasabihin ko dapat sayo..” -Pupil

Dati rati lagi kitang napapanaginipan kasi malamang, lagi kang laman ng isip ko. Pero mula mga humigit kumulang isang taon mula nang umalis ka,, sobrang dalang na ng mga panaginip ko tungkol sayo,, hanggang sa tuluyan nang mawala.

Hanggang nung isang gabi,, muli kang nagpakita sa panaginip ko.

Siguro kasi kahit pigilan ko ang sarili ko, kahit ibaling ko sa ibang bagay ang aking isip,, hindi ko maitatanggi na lagi pa rin kitang naaalala.

Ilang taon rin ang nagdaan,, salamat sa mga minsanang pagch-chat, medyo nau-update rin natin ang isa’t isa. Masaya ako sa mga minsan na un, kahit papano nabubuo ang pag-asa ko. Hindi ko alam kung kelan at paano unti unting nawala ang communication natin. Maraming panahon na busy ka at minsan ako naman.

Alam kong hindi ka agad naging mapalad sa pangingibang bansa. Marami kang sakripisyo at pait na dinaanan, nakukuwento mo yun sakin dati, naalala mo pa ba? Nakakalungkot noon kasi wala akong kayang ibigay sayo kundi moral support na alam kong hindi sapat. Pero masaya ko pag sinasabi mong, salamat sa oras ko.

Sa ilang taong paghihirap at paghihintay, unti-unti mong naabot ang mga pangarap mo. Ngunit kasabay nito ang marami ring mga pagbabago. Pagbabagong naging sanhi ng paghihiwalay ng mga landas natin na malabo nang magkasalubong sa hinaharap.

“Sana pag alis ko,, ituloy mo rin ang mga pangarap mo..”

Nagpursige rin naman ako dito sa Pilipinas. Sa awa ng Diyos okay na ang trabaho ko ngayon di kumpara dati na wala akong ginawa kundi ang magreklamo sayo.

Hindi lang ako, pati ang iba pa nating barkada, isa-isa na ring nakakuha ng diskarte para makaangat sa buhay.

Matapos ang lahat ng paghihintay at pagtitiis dahil sa kawalan ng presensiya mo,, sa wakas uuwi ka na. Sobra kitang namiss! Kumusta kana kaya? Ganun pa rin kaya ugali mo, o baka suplado kana ngayon? Anu na kayang itsura mo? Pansin ko sa picture mo sa fb,, tumaba ka,, hehehe, bagay naman. Sabi mo sakin magpataba ako, well,, eto, nagpataba na ko ng bilbil at pisngi,, kaya ngayon hirap naman akong magdiet.

Wala na kong masyadong hinaing sa buhay,, hindi na ko galit sa mundo masyado, in short,, retired na ko sa pagiging emo. Ung problema ko sa tatay ko, hindi na mawawala un,, natutunan ko nang tanggapin na ganun siya talaga. Un ung pilit mong pinapaintindi sakin dati.

Nung umalis ka, naging guide sa kin ung mga advices mo, lagi kong naaalala ung mga pinag-usapan natin.

Marami pa kong gustong ikwento sayo. Marami akong gustong sabihin… Sana makapagkwentuhan naman tayo.. Un nga lang marami kang kailangang gawin at bisitahin sa pag-uwi mo. Alam ko ring magiging abala ka dahil sa kanya.

=0=

Hindi ko naman masasabing hindi totoo ang naramdaman ko sayo.

Halos nandun na tayo, pero pagkakataon ang nagpasya. Kailangan mong mangibang bansa para hanapin ang sarili mo at tuparin ang mga pangarap mo.

Mula noon inasahan ko na na mangyayari ito. Pinilit kong kalimutan kana lang kesa umasa pa na may patutunguhan pa ang sitwasyong ito kung saan wala akong panghahawakan.

Mahirap din ang tanggapin sa sarili ko na hindi na matutupad ang pangarap ko na maging tayo.

Masyado nang malayo at malabo.

Dati sabi ko, pagbalik mo, hindi na ko duwag. Pero ngayon, wala na kong dahilan pa para maging matapang pa para sayo.

Sana nalang makapagpasalamat nalang ako sa ginawa mo para sa kin.

Salamat sa pag-encourage mo na iayos ko ang buhay ko. Salamat kasi nalaman ko ang halaga ko dahil sayo. Alam kong para sayo wala un, pero mahalaga un para sa kin.

Salamat dahil natuto akong magmahal sa sarili ko, in the same way na natuto din akong magpakita ng pagmamahal ko para sa iba.

=0=

Sana sa pag-uwi mong ito, magkaroon na ng tuldok ang mga tanong sakin. Sana maging malinaw na ang lahat at matahimik na ako. Sana makapagsimula na rin ako muli.

Sana sa susunod na tatlong taon, mas mabuti na tayong tao.

Salamat. Kita-kita sa dulo!

Currently Playing: Ang Katulad Mong Walang Katulad by Orange & Lemons, Bright Lights by Matchbox 20, Dyad by Dong Abay, The Man Who Can’t Be Moved by The Script, Doesn’t Mean Anything by Alicia Keys

“Sa puso at damdamin hindi ka maglalaho

Lagi kang iisipin kahit nasa malayo

Wag sanang kalimutan kapag ako’y wala na

Na nagkasama minsan sa hirap at ginhawa.

Ako ay nangangarap na lagi kang makita

Alam ko na mahirap mag-antay ng pag-asa

Makinig ka sana sa sasabihin ko

Ikaw ang ala-ala na maganda ang mundo.” -Dyad

Guess it’s worth cheating. I still love you.

anlabo ko!

2010-11-04T22:48:00.000-07:00

"Hindi porke tawa nang tawa, masaya!"
Makukuha ko na bukas ung inaasam asam ko na Ipod Touch 4th gen.
Ilang gabi ko rin siyang sunod-sunod na napapanaginipan. Ibang klase ang excitement.
And now, I dont know.. I should be happy, right?

Ampucha,, ang labo ko!
Parang di na ko masaya. Parang naubos ang saya ko sa paghihintay. Parang ang tagal tagal kasi.
Well, ewan ko nalang kung dumating na talaga siya, at nasa mga kamay ko na..

Maliban sa usapin ng Ipod,, for some reasons,, nalulungkot ako.
Isang malaking factor kung bakit hindi na rin ako natutuwa sa mangyayare bukas.
Kaya nga bang maibsan ng materyal na bagay ang lungkot sa aking kalooban??
Sana kayanin.

*Susunduin ko na bukas ang aking new baby... First time to,, sana maging maayos ang lahat ng transaksyon. Wish me luck!

Currently Playing: Doesn't Mean Anything by Alicia Keys

Cheating on Myself_1

2010-10-26T20:18:00.000-07:00

December is a big month for me!
Tatlong close friends ko ang ikakasal, dalawa dun ang aabayan ko.
Nagpromise ako sa sarili ko na magdi-diet na ko, para magkasya ako sa mga gown.
Pero bakit kung kelan inaayos ko ang diet ko, saka naman sobrang magparamdam ang mga temptations.
This month, my preparations for big events start. Yet I'm making a lot of violations to my own rules: cutting the carbs, lessen fat intakes, exercise. Naiisip ko, "ngayon lang naman e!" saka "ngayon lang naman ulet!" Oh my god,, I can't help but EAT!

Big Mac! Twister Fries! Muffins, muffins, muffins! Porksilogs! Ham and Cheese Croissants! Mashed Potato! Buttered Bacon & Potatoes! Sausages! All Meat Pizza! Double Cheeseburger Deluxe! Longsilogs! Gogo Sandwiches!

Sorry, di ko na nakuhang kuhanan ang mga foodtrips,, tuwing maalala ko, e naubos ko na pala. Haayyy, pano na to?
I only have a month,, ugh!

Why is cheating indeed so pleasurably and fabulously tasty??

Currently Playing: 2012 by Jay Sean

Wanted: ROOM MATE!

2010-10-08T07:21:00.000-07:00

"Let the sun shine Let the rivers run away Coz it's a beautiful day now To play now As I close my eyes and pray Lord have mercy on me 'Coz I'm feeling kinda lonely..."

Summer noon, inaawit niya ang kantang ito,, medyo halo-halo na ung lyrics sa dulo, hindi ko na maintindihan. Ang alam ko lang ang cool ng kanta. Paulit-ulit siya, LSS niya raw. Tinanong ko ung title nung song, nagulat siya. "Hindi mo alam tong kantang to? kay Francis M. to!" Sabi ko, "Ha? Di nga, bakit di ko alam?" "Oldskul na to, himala di mo alam.." sagot niya.
Meron akong ilang album ni Sir Francis, pero hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ko nakilala ang kantang ito.. ayun na nga, ung nakakuha ako ng file, naging peborit ko narin at nagrarakenrol kami tuwing naalala namin ang kanta.

For almost 2 years now, room mate ko si Joy. Naikwento ko na rin siya ng mga ilang beses gaya rito at dito Madami na rin kaming napagsamahan. Alam na namin ang kwento ng buhay ng isat isa. Marami nang naging palitan ng mga libro at hiraman ng mga accessories. Ipinakilala niya sa kin ang mga barkada niya na ngayon e barkada ko na rin. May mga panahong nagkakatarayan, nagkakamalditahan, pero natututo naman kaming maging mature sa mga oras na kailangang pag-usapan ang mga mali. Mas nakilala ko ang sarili ko dahil sa kanya, dami kasi naming mga pagkakaiba sa point of views pero as time goes on nag-mimeet na rin. Nawitness ko rin ang progress ng relationship niya with her boyfie,, proud naman ako for them kung nasan na sila ngayon.
Kami rin ang naging refuge ng isa't isa tuwing may panget na mga araw. Di ko maipagkakaila, nung makilala ko siya at ung mga kaibigan niya, dun ako talagang sumagad sa kalokohan. Pamurningan drinking sessions for straight nights - the best! Kahit lasing, nasanay na kong bumangon ng maaga at pumasok. I know its bad pero I cant help it.
Pero dahil sa maraming headaches gawa ng hang over, natutunan ko na rin ang salitang 'No Thanks!' Masasabi ko rin naman na naka-quota na ko pagdating sa alak so kaya ko na ngayong tumanggi sa pag-gimik. Sabi nga ng ate ko, bad influence sakin si Joy, na dapat humanap na ko ng ibang room mate, pero for so many reasons,, ayaw ko. Iba kasi ung may kasama ka sa mga up and down moments mo.

Di ako nagsasawang makinig at magpayo sa kanya tuwing may major fights sila ng boyfie niya. Siya naman hindi rin nagsasawang makinig sa mga kwento ko sa love life ko.
Habambuhay kong advice sa kanya: "Hiwalay kung hiwalay! Magkaroon ka naman ng respeto sa sarili mo, hindi ung puro siya nalang!"
Habambuhay niyang advice sakin: "Maybe it's time to move on, marami pang iba dyan, itry mo uli! Ihahanap kita!"
Hahaha! wala rin nasusunod sa mga advice na un.. Isa lang ang rason,, pareho lang kaming nagmamahal at handang gawin ang lahat para dito. Suportahan nalang ng desisyon ang drama namin.
***

Biglaan siyang nakagawa ng desisyon.
Kung tutuusin wala namang magagawa. Andyan na e.
Matagal na rin niya pangarap yon kaya masaya rin siya.
Finally!
Masaya ako para sa kanya.
Un nga lang, kailangan niyang umalis.
Major major changes na naman ang drama ko.
Its either umalis ako ng bahay (dahil dodoble ang expenses ko kapag umalis siya) or may pumalit sa kanya.
Mukhang malabo ung huli.. pero sige na.. eto, baka-sakali na!
***

Guess I'm okay.. di naman ako masyadong ma-emote ngayon.
Medyo nasanay narin sa pagdating at pag-alis ng mga tao sa paligid ko.
This chapter is about to end.. bagong adventure ulit!
Actually I cant wait!
Im grateful, indeed!

Friends Forever?? Friends Forever!
I'll surely miss you girl.. (sob)

"Let the wind blow Let the wind touch my face I wanna take a little break now Shake now his is what i have to say I feel so fine So fine that it blows my mind..."

Currently Playing: Girl Be Mine by Francis M.

i dont like you BIG time!

2010-09-29T01:56:00.000-07:00

"It's not that I'm anti-social, it's just that I don't like you BIG time!"

I heard this line as an entry to Top 10 Jealous/Envy Quotes from Chico and Delamar in the Morning Rush this morning.

What a perfect timing, this is exactly my stand to a person that I recently knew.
Just as I am aware, I don't envy her or jealous at her, hello??? I just knew her.
But there's something on her that I just simply don't like.
I badly wanted to post this to my FB, Twitter and YM Status,, but I can't coz my friends know about this girl, and I dont want to make a trending posts about her., Im not that bad.
I think thats one of the downside of having everybody know your whatabouts online.
Well, thank goodness I have my Blogger! whew!

Currently Playing: I DO by Lisa Loeb

love at first sight

2010-09-24T00:47:00.000-07:00

Hindi ako techie na tao, alam yan ng kahit sinong malapit sakin.
Sa unang pagkakataon, nagkaroon ako ng immense yearning para sa isang bagay. Kahit kelan hindi pa ako nagkaganito,, 'love at first sight' kumbaga! eto na talaga un! un tipong maloloka ako kapag hindi ko makukuha to!
SHARE KO LANG..

Naalala ko pa nong college ako, nung nauso ang celfone, Philips Savvy ang brand ng fone ko. pinagkakaguluhan na sya ng mga classmates ko dahil sa nakakaaliw niyang tone at dahil 2-liner na siya. After few months, napalitan naman un ng Nokia 6110, bumili kasi si Dad ng bagong fone kaya pasa-pasa ang paglevel up ng fone naming magkakapatid, so ung Philips ko napunta sa bunso kong kapatid. Tuwang-tuwa ang lahat ng mga nakakakita, lahat gustong humiram, lahat gustong maka-experience ng NOKIA! Lalu pa't ang ganda ng keypad, mas slim, tapos may infrared, at higit sa lahat,, may games tulad ng Snake! haha! Para sa akin wala un, gusto ko lang talaga ng may fone kasi marami akong ka-text dati. Wala akong pakialam sa brand, basta lang matibay. Hindi ko alam na un na pala ung kahuli-hulihang pagkakataon na makakasabay ako sa uso. I think mga bandang 2003 nung nahulog ng ate ko sa baha ung 6110 ko, kaya kailangan nang palitan. Medyo short na kami sa budget kaya hindi na ko nagdemand ng mamahalin. Since then, at kahit pa ngayong nagttrabaho nako, simpleng fone pa rin ang gamit ko. Walang hi-res camera, walang internet, walang memory card, walang mp3. Simpleng pantawag at text lang. Ayun. Masaya na ko dun.

***
Pagdating naman sa mp3 player, nakabili ako nun kasi mura lang naman, P2500.00 lang kaya gora na! nakatagal din siya sakin ng 3 taon. Maingat naman ako sa gamit e,, kung di sira o nawala, hindi ko pinapalitan. Un lang ang naging kaligayahan ko sa gadget, simpleng celfone at mp3 player,, kahit iwan mo ko sa isang tabi ng buong maghapon makekeri ko.

PAGBABAGO...

Sabi nga, kapag tumatanda, maraming nagbabago, sa expectations, sa motivations, sa standards, sa responsibilities, at marami pang iba.

***
I'm glad, isang taon na ako ngayong buwan na to sa kumpanya na to. Isang taon na mula nang nakawala sa masalimuot na sistema nuon na madalas kong maiblog dati. At sa paglipat ko, kasabay kong nakamit ang sweldo na gusto kong matamo mula pa non na hindi maibigay ng dati kong kumpanya. Lumevel up rin naman ang tingin ko sa sarili ko at masasabi kong kuntento na ko ngayon. Cheers to that! :)

***
Kinausap ako ng tatay ko isang araw, siguro mga ilang linggo palang mula nang lumipat ako ng kumpanya.
"Tulong-tulungan na muna tayo sa bahay ha. Alam mo naman un diba?" - Opo, alam na alam ko pu yon.
Binigyan niya lang naman ako ng ilang mga finacial responsibilities sa bahay. Maluwag sa sakin un., walang problema. And since single pa naman ako, why not??
Bukod sa binibigay ko sa bahay, lumaki rin ang gastos ko sa nirerentahan kong bahay malapit sa opisina.

Sabi nga, "With great power comes great responsibility." tanggap ko yon. Ganun talaga, hindi na kasi ako bata. Pero keri lang!

***
Isang araw, nagkausap kami ni Joy (roommate)..

Me: "Uy, anu yan.. Wow, bagong celfone!"
Joy: "Oo, bumili na ko ng bago, para naman masabi na may nangyayare sa sweldo ko kahit papano.. ung tipong may nakikita ako na naging bunga ng trabaho ko..."

Uu nga naman,, bakit parang ngayon ko lang naisip un.

Masaya na kasi ako na nakakabili ako ng mga gamit na kailangan ko gaya ng damit at sapatos.., pati na rin ang kumain ng masasarap na pagkain lalo na't pagod ako, at nakakapasyal sa mga beach kahit ilang beses ku gusto.. un lang naman kasi kaligayahan ko talaga.
Hindi ako materialistic, pero kagaya ni Joy,, parang naghahangad ako ngayon ng "something" para sa sarili ko. Ung may makikita ang mga tao sa paligid ko na may bitbit akong bagay na pinaghirapan ko.
Pwera yabang.

***
E di ayun na nga.
Ang haba pa ng justifications ko! hahaha!
well,, i just want to have this new ipod touch!
hopefully makuha ko na siya next month,, or at least before the year ends... haayy!
ang mahirap kasi e ung kukuhanan ko,, ishi-ship pa kasi and all.. still crossing my fingers!

marami na kong plano gawin kasama siya,, gusto ko siyang isama sa marami kong mga lakad! naeexcite na ko! ^_^

Currently Playing:
Otherwise by Imago
Taya by Up Dharma Down
Comfort in Your Strangeness by Cynthia Alexander

how to deal..

2010-09-17T03:00:00.000-07:00

kanina, inayos ko ang mga picture ko sa friendster.. maya-maya nabuklat ko ang friendster blog ko. namiss ko naman bigla.. binasa ko ulit,, at may part sa akin na hindi ako makapaniwala.. akalain ko bang malampasan ko lahat ng mga nangyare sakin non.. kung ampalaya ako ngayon,, 3x pa ako dati! ganunpaman, nakakatuwa ring basahin at balikan, mas naappreciate ko kasi kung anu ang meron ako ngayon... :)

may irepost lang ako,, sa lahat ng nabasa ko,, dito ako natawa.. baliw lang talaga! sinulat ko to nung malapit na kaming ma-evict sa bahay naming mahal.

how to deal..

Posted on December 11, 2006

Yes, I understand now that
whatever life brings, there is a purpose which only happen to be unrealized yet
but it will eventually follows. I always say to myself that anywhere the wind
blows, it doesn’t matter.. I can get through. I know I can. Guess im in the
so-called “process” of moving on,, punyeta! whatever that means!

It seems that my life is in chaos. The emptiness I feel is caused by several problems settling in my way that turned my direction in a different path. Trying to focus and yet wanting
to lose control. Thinking for a solution but hopelessness and sadness gets in the way. Faint. A month or two from now things will be all different and hard for me but still I haven’t got any plan or even options for myself. Still in the state of shock? Yeah, maybe a couple of weeks now.. ugh! I allow myself to. Wail.

How to deal with changes by really trying…

As much as possible I try to avoid being senti,, I had enough especially during my insomniac hours! Im losing my appetite and whats keeping me alive and kicking are coffee and cigarettes. Sometimes I want to shout out loud, to smash things, to throw everything out of the door and watch fragile things broke into pieces! Arghh! I just imagine myself doing those but never got the courage to do so! (takot ko nalang sa daddy ko!! Hehe!)

TV got into my nerves,, I cant leave the remote alone. Work and work in the office,, chat and chat and laugh and laugh, I really need it I guess, otherwise insanity may come along. Thanks for the friends who are still around and even more challenged to handle such senselessness (the band-aid-brigade as I call it).

My current theme song: hand in my pocket – “Im lost but im hopeful.. Im free but im focused.. im green but im wise.. im sad but im laughing.. yeah! So what it all comes down to, is there anything gonna be fine, fine, fine? Coz I have one hand in my pocket and the other one is giving a peace sign!”

Im thankful I was able to overcome those.. But things are more different now, more difficult, I can tell. but as the saying goes: "This too shall pass" - I believe that!

Currently Playing: Hand in my Pocket by Alanis Morissette

11th...

2010-09-09T22:06:00.000-07:00

"I wonder what she would say to me right now if she could see me and see how I've been living and I wonder if she knows most days I fall short of being the person she wanted me to be... You know my life is pretty good, it is. But I was just searching for something to make it great just something to make it matter, so, I don't know..." - Peyton Sawyer, One Tree Hill

Today is my Mom's 11th death anniversary.
Usually nagpopost ako ng tungkol sa kanya. kung kumusta na ko sa mga taon na nawala siya, kung sino ako ngayon dahil sa kanya, at kung ganu ko siya namimiss.
Pero di ko siya magawa dahil punong puno ang isip ko ngayon ng mga halu-halong bagay.

Hindi ko maintindihan, dati okay naman ako.. para sa 11 years, natanggap ko na wala na siya..

okay lang naman na maaga akong naging independent.. na naging self learner... macgyver pa nga ang tawag sakin ng friends ko kasi kahit mga imposibleng bagay nagagawa ko katulad ng pag-akyat sa likod bahay at pag-unlock ng mga pinto.

okay lang na wala akong debut party nung 18yo ako kasi wala na siya para mag-asikaso, di gaya ng sa ate ko na super engrande. sabi ko okay lang na sa beach nalang ako nagdebut kasama mga friends ko, pero deep inside, gusto ko rin ng mga 18 roses at party-party.

okay lang na hindi ko natutunan kung anu ang ibig sabihin ng graceful at sweet sa pagiging isang babae, ung daddy ko kasi masyadong matigas, ni hindi nga kami niyayakap nun e., hindi rin marunong magsabi ng kind words.. barkada ko pa puro lalaki, so kumusta naman ako??!

Lagi kong naiisip na okay lang ako, na naka-move on na ko since nawala siya..
Pero ngayon bakit andami dami kong tanong...

Mommy..
dati nung bata pa ko masaya na ko pag pinaghahati-hati mo saming magkakapatid ang isang balot ng m&m at kisses, bakit po ngayon hindi ako makuntento kahit andami dami ko nang kayang bilhin?

dati ang saya-saya nating buong mag-anak na nagsisimba twing linggo,, bakit po ngayon parang ang layo-layo ko na kay lord?

dati sabi nio sakin may tamang oras ang paglalaro. sa umaga hanggang 8-10 lang ako dapat nasa labas kasi masyado nang mainit, sa hapon naman 4-6 lang dapat kasi masama na maglaro sa gabi. sa ngayon po, kelan ko po ba masasabi kung dapat na kong tumigil o pwede pa kong magpatuloy?

lumaki ako na masayahin at alam nio po na dahil yun sa marami kong kaibigan. pero ngayon na marami nang nagbabago at marami nang umaalis, unti-unti kong naramdaman ang sakit dahil sa pagkawala nila.. bakit po parang nahihirapan na ulit akong magmahal?

bakit po natutunan ko na hindi umaasa sa iba pero nakakaramdam ako ng inggit sa iba na hindi kaya mabuhay nang walang ibang tao sa buhay nila?

bakit po hindi ako natutong maging sweet? para tuloy lagi kong ipinipilit ng sarili ko sa iba?

maliban po sa mga recipe na naituro nio sakin,, anu po bang recipe ng happiness? sana naishare nio sakin yan kasi dati parang ang saya-saya ng buhay nio.

Look at the brighter side of everything ika nga... Pero mula pa noon, un na ang mind-setting ko kaya masasabi ko na okay lang ako.. lagi akong nakangiti, masaya. pero may mga panahon na hindi ko alam kung totoo pa ang mga ngiting un. Minsan hindi sapat ang 'looking at the bright side of everything'. Andaming nawala sakin nung kinuha siya ni lord. andami kong gusto malaman na hindi kayang ibigay ng ibang tao, siya lang, kaso wala na siyang pagkakataon, ganun din ako. Marami pa pala akong dapat natutunan, sana mas nakilala ko pa siya., pero alam ko sa pagkakataong ito wala naman akong dapat sisihin. Life goes on pa rin ang drama ko at magiging paulit ulit nalang ito.

Ang daming nagsasabi na sobrang kamukha ko daw kayo lalo na nung dalaga pa kayo. :)
I miss you 'My! un lang naman ang gusto kong sabihin. Kahit short lang naging pagsasama natin, nakatatak na un sa isip ko, at kahit 11 years na ang nakalipas, hinding hindi ko pa rin nalilimutan ang bawat sandaling un.

I love you 'My! Hanggang sa muli nating pagkikita! :)

Currently Playing: Time in a Bottle by Jim Croce, Dare You To Move by Switchfoot,

jeepney trip ride

2010-08-26T05:32:00.001-07:00

"Sometimes things hit you in the most unexpected ways"

Paggising pa lang sa umaga mabigat na pakiramdam ko. Alam ko kasing merong mangyayaring ayoko sa araw nato. Ideya pa lang nakakabad trip na, dagdagan pa isang text message mula sa taong yon na mababago ang schedule ng pagkikita nio. ansaya diba? sira ang plano ko para sa buong araw.. minsan na nga lang maglleave- napurnada pa! good morning to me!

Should be Schedule:
* 9 am - meet my former HR head, punta sa SSS para mag-ayos ng mga dokumentong kelangan ayusin
* 12 pm - lunch
* 1 pm - mall
* 3 pm - go to my dentist
* 4:30 pm - go to a doctor - check up
* 6pm - home sweet home!

Instead Schedule:
* 9 am - lunch
* 11 am - lumabas ng bahay - hindi alam kung san pupunta.

Sana pumasok nalang ako, at least may masayang kausap sa opisina. Pero kelangan kong samantalahin ang once-in-a-blue-moon-leave ko.
Dapat rin nanahimik na lang ako sa boarding house,, pero grabeng nakakabato ang presensya ng tv na walang cable at ng kamang nanghihikayat na matulog.

Sumakay ako ng jeep mula muntinlupa, hindi ko alam kung san pupunta.. matapos ang halos kalahating oras na byahe nakarating ako ng binan, pinababa na ko ng driver. sumakay ulit ako ng jeep. tulala mode. ewan ko, gusto ko lang bumyahe, mawala, mapagod, lumayo. ang dami daming laman ng utak ko kahit labas-pasok lang naman ang mga ito..

* ayokong makita ang dati kong hr head at mag-ayos ng mga inaamag na mga files sa sss. hindi ko na trabaho un! na-turn over ko na sa kanya, bakit ako pa rin hinahanap nio?? isa pa, ayoko nang balikan ang mga bagay na tapos na sa akin.
* Wala na kong pera - ang haba ng August, ayaw pa matapos! ggrrr...
* gusto kong manood ng senate investigation ng pnp - di ko magawa, waalng cable!
* namimiss ko na ung dalawang close friends ko! ung isa serious sa pag-aaral, ung isa naman serious na sa girlfriend. wala na kong kakulitan, wala na kong kasabay kumain ng dinner, wala na kong kahagikhikan, wala na kong kausap ng malaliman. i must admit, namimiss ko na sila., nakakamiss din pala sila! wahehehe...
* love life ko - major major wala nang nagiging progress! TSE!!! :)
* at marami pang iba.

* 1pm - napunta ako sa cabuyao,, sa isang monastery doon.. madalas ako dun dati nung taga roon pa ko. Poor Claire Monastery. pag gusto kong ipahinga ang isip ko, dun ako napunta,, 3 years na since narelocate ako, kaya ngayon lang ako nakabalik dun. nagulat ako sa sarili ko, hindi ko pinlano, dun nalang ako dinala ng jeep. sarap talagang kausap ni Lord,, parang nagiging okay ang lahat. thank you po. :)

* 2:45 pm nakarating na ko agad sa sss office. dumating ung dati kong mam 3:10, not bad. sa lahat ng nangyare,, ayos ang kinalabasan ng meeting. mahabang proseso pero ang maganda nasimulan na. yeah!

* 6 pm - check up- buti nahabol ko pa ung isang doctor.. kaso wala na ung dentist ko.

andaming nangyare sa buong maghapon,, napagod ako kakabyahe,, amoy usok na ko!
minsan magugulat kana lang sa pwedeng mangyare kahit na alam mo na ang dapat iexpect. masaya din pala makareceive ng mga little surprises mula kay lord. parang sinasabi niya na: "my dear, dont under estimate me"

just when i thought that today is gonna be an undesirable day,, but it turned out to be a meaningful one!
Hanggang sa susunod na trip ride!

Currently Playing: You Already Know by Train

Still Proud!

2010-08-24T00:34:00.000-07:00

I got mad and I laughed at the same time while I was watchin the SWAT Team do their struggled strategies in the Grand Stand. I am quite disappointed to what had transpired.. Mr. Mendoza still died. The whole world was watchin, might be laughing as well.

On the other side,, Ms. Venus made our today though. She somehow uplifted the spirit of the Filipinos all over the world.

Such a roller coaster ride feeling. I'm glad to read this wall post that says exactly how I feel:

"I'm still proud to be a Filipino... I will still enjoy adobo and will still be resilient in the midst of adversaries... With shame and fame, I can still wear a proud Filipino smile! :)"

- apir Melvin A.!

Currently Playing: You Can't Always Get What You Want by Glee Cast

never been this crappy

2010-08-16T20:08:00.000-07:00

Living in this world full of expectations is never easy.
Its a tragic battle within yourself in living the right way or the other.
Most of us were taught as we grew up to be good persons - I for one.
I was raised to be responsible in every aspects of life.

But I also believe that learning from experience is truly has a lot to offer. Circumstances are bringing you to such experience and it requires good decisions. But what if you're in a middle of doing the good and bad? And it is when you hear the world is telling you to take the risk of jumping into a cliff that you know that will bring you to danger.
Most people will say, "How would you know if you won't try it?"
And when you did, comforting voices fill in your ears saying, "Its okay, its normal, you did the right thing." yet deep inside of you its really not.
Suddenly you're drowning in confusions and disturbance.

Its hard.
Like for instance, when you realize that what you needed and wanted in this world is to love and be loved. But what you did was a terrible thing and you messed up,, pushing what you really wanted and needed far far away. And on that moment, you realize that what you thought right was in fact a big fat mistake.

"You'll never know the right way til you're lost" - Unknown

What a crap!

(source)

Currently Playing: I Caught Myself by Paramore and Loser by Beck

better? hhmmm...

2010-08-11T19:16:00.000-07:00

Source

yes I will!
wait, anu kayang magawa??!

guidelines... :)

2010-08-04T01:23:00.000-07:00

I would like to share to you about a friend.. My room mate.Though we have a lot of differences,, our perceptions and opinions still meet in some point of life.
Last night,, while we're having our one-on-one drinking session..
We talked about our journals and whats written on it. She only started writing on it for only about 2 weeks,, she told me she got it from me.
She showed me her scribblings of whatever is on her mind day by day. I can tell she's good. I told her to start blogging but she said its really not her thing.
I was surprise to read her own "guidelines" or let me say "Guidelines for Survival"?? haha! I have my own version but its in my other journal. Let me just share hers:

* Focus on what you have.
* Don't compare yourself to others.
* Its just money,, you cant bring it to your grave.
* You have your family and loved ones.
* You'll have your own turn.
* 2012 Vision - Live like you're dying! (i told her about it, hehe!)
* God is the one who scheduling things. Just be patient.
* Be positive.

She told me that everytime that she's confused about something, she's reading her guidelines over and over. I wanna read this whenever i will feel dissatisfied. What I like the most is the 5th, "you'll have your own turn!" - yeah, i believe that!

I admit,, im really learning from her even though i have a lot of complains about her (household chores, love problems, etc.).
Despite the differences,, I'm really glad i have her as my room mate and ka-nomo!
Last night was one of our best conversations - Winner!

Currently Playing: Because I Got High by Afroman

Nomo! nOmo! nomO!

2010-08-03T00:36:00.001-07:00

"You don't have to be a beer drinker to play darts, but it helps." ~Author Unknown

I'm not an alcoholic.
Maybe im getting there.
Im trying to be happy - I am.
But I heard happiness is just a state of mind-
guess its right.

I wanna drink
I wanna talk
I wanna be heard
I wanna be understood
I wanna sleep
I wanna forget

This will only take for a while,,
till I'm able to figure out what i'm gonna do with my life..

Currently Playing: Need You Now by Lady Antebellum

I wanna...

2010-08-02T16:45:00.000-07:00

I wanna go to Sagada - kahit ako lang mag-isa ! =) Sana kayanin ko!

gusto ko lang makakita ng seabed of clouds tulad nito... haayy...

Currently Playing:

Beauty In Walking Away by Marie Digby

light shines off in the distance
A pale flickering glow
How many times do I have to dream that I could be there
The time is here and she won't be waiting for me to find the easy way out
I've lost count of the days that were wasted

There's an answer in the sound of a train
There is wisdom past the bridge on the bay
There's a lifetime through the fog, in the rain
there's a beauty in walking away

I float on the streets that are empty
take the path that the wind only knows
Tonight is the last time that I'll ever be here

There's an answer in the sound of a train
there is wisdom past the bridge on the bay
There's a lifetime through the fog, in the rain
there's a beauty in walking away

It's never quite simple, it's never that safe
it never seems perfect until it's too late
It's never the right time to find a new way

There's an answer in the sound of a train
there is wisdom past the bridge on the bay
There's a lifetime through the fog, in the rain
there's a beauty in walking away

please stop haunting me..

2010-08-01T23:37:00.000-07:00

"Memories are wonderful things if you don't deal with the past." - Celine, Before SunsetI have enough of the past...

Yoko na balikan..

Bawat maling nagawa o nasabi...
Bawat bagay na dapat sinabi pero di nagawa...
Bawat maling pagkakataon...
Bawat masasayang oras at puno ng pag-asa...
Bawat pinangakong hindi naman natupad...
Bawat magagandang bagay na naglaho na
lang nang hindi namamalayan...

Lahat yan nakalipas na - at hindi na babalik pa.
dapat naman na talikuran na...

Kelangan ko nang magsimula ulit at gumawa ng mga bagong mali,
bagong masasayang oras, bagong pag-asa at bagong pangako...

Currently Playing:
Cannonball by Damien Rice

Lakad lang...

2010-07-26T22:02:00.000-07:00

Mula umaga hanggang gabi, wala akong ginawa kundi lumakad at bumyahe. kakaloka! Kinailangan ko kasing asikasuhin ang mga reports ng company namin sa ibat ibang government agencies. nakapanood pa tuloy ako ng SONA sa loob ng BIR office.. pero nakakainis ang mga reaction ng mga tao dun.. puro duda ang laman ng mukha nila habang nakikinig ng SONA ni Pnoy.

Ngayong gabi,, hindi pa rin ako napagod,, imbis na umuwe,, mas pinili ko munang pumunta sa isang mall.,,wala kasing magawa sa bahay. Napadaan ako sa Tom's World,, parang masaya kasi ang sounds sa loob kaya pinasok ko! Hindi kasi ako mahilig pumunta sa ganun kasi siguro hindi din ako sinanay ng mga magulang ko.

Nanood lang ako sa mga naglalaro, naaliw naman ako! :)

Sumubok ako ng dalawang mga laro.. natatawa lang ako sa sarili ko, hindi makapaniwala sa ginagawa ko..
Hanggang sa nakita ko ang Betty's Bling (Piso Machine) na pinaglalaruan ng isang babae.. mukhang madali lang, mag iipon ka lang ng maraming tickets, tapos may redeemable na mga prizes :)) interesante,, naman.. kaya imbes na mapunta sa wala ang pera ko, aun nalang ang pinagkaabalahan ko, baka maganda pa ma-claim ko na prize.,, pasalubong ko na rin sa mga pamangkin ko!

I got 106 tickets within 20 minutes,, not bad! surely i'll be back for more.
Im in my poignant mood again but i have nothing and no one to blame for this time.
thanks to a place like tom's world,, how consoling..

Currently Playing:
Somebody by Bonnie McKee

no pain, no gains of Bora!

2010-06-22T20:55:00.000-07:00

for me it means,,'sakit muna bago magBoracay!' grrr.. damn dysmenorrhea!

para naman sa mga officemates ko, lalo na sa creatives,, it means 'mag dusa ka muna sa trabaho bago ka magbora!' hehehe!eto.., share ko sa inyo ung itinerary namin sa Bora.. buti nalang super organize ni boss Carlo! Astig! ;) pinost ko narin to para (maliban sa pang-iinggit) makatulong sa mga gusto din pumunta dun... ;-)

Grabe,, I cant hide my excitement na,, nawwirdohan na rin mga kasama ko dito sa opisina sa sobrang nakangiti lang ako palagi! E, matagal-tagal din naman kasi namin to hinintay! Weeeh!

DAY 1, June 24:

4:00 am: call time

make sure you brought your own breakfast to go

5:00 am: arrival at Manila Domestic Passenger Terminal

6:10 am: departure

7:30 am: arrival at Caticlan Airport

20-minute boat ride to Boracay

Check in at the hotel

Buy Fresh Seafood at D’Talipapa, then lunch at Angel Wish Dish (beside Plato ‘d Boracay)

Relax and enjoy La Carmela Resort

Explore white beach Station 2: shop for bottled water, snacks, etc., get henna tattoo, swim, look for snorkeling package for tom morning

Team Building Activities/Games

Dinner at Smoke’s (D’Mall at the back of Andok’s)

Reggae trip at Bombom’s (Station 2, near D’Mall)

Back to La Carmela for a good night sleep

DAY 2, June 25:

6:00 am: Jog along the White Beach or along the main road.

8:00 am Breakfast at the hotel

9:00 am Go island hopping and snorkeling: Puka Beach, Crocodile Island, Crystal Cove

Lunch at the island

Swimming/Stroll/Shop in Station 1 and in D’Mall

Back to La Carmela for talkies

Rest/Lounge/ food hunting- Jonah’s Milkshake or try chori burger

Dinner at D’Mall- Mang Inasal (D’Mall, Station 2)

Party at Party Place

DAY 3, June 26:

6:00 am: Swim in resort and jog along the White Beach or along the main road.

8:00 am: Breakfast at the hotel

Drive to Mt. Luho and travel the whole island by renting an ATV. Visit mt. luho park and butterfly garden

Lunchtime at Andok’s

After a long rest it is time for zorb ball at Zorb Park in Yapak or zipline

Buy Pasalubongs and go on shopping.

Dinner at Bamboo Lounge or any buffet resto.

Barhopping during the night (hey jude, juice bar, guillys)

Overnight stay at the hotel.

DAY 4, June 27:

6:00 am: Last swim and stroll in the beach

8:00 am: Preparations and packing up of things for check-out

9:00 am: Last Breakfast at the resort

Make sure you have something to munch while in airport

10:00 am: Check-out and settle bills

10:15 am Off to Caticlan Airport

11:35 am: Departure from Caticlan

12:25 pm: Manila Arrival

Pano, kkwentuhan ko nalang kayo pagbalik ko!
wish me luck! ^_~

Currently Playing: Sunburn by Sandwich, Hold Tight by Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich, Bakasyon by Peryodiko

beach fondness! _

2010-06-22T00:24:00.000-07:00

need to:
complete my things-to-bring list
shop shop shop!
diet - nah! oh pls!
songs songs songs and a lot - in my mp3!
pack and pack

want to:
jog with sunrise at the shore
spend time with sunblock and get wild!
alcohol and noise here I come
zorb or zip? - ha!
dig my toes into the sand
Mismo! uh-oh!
shades, starfish and snorkeling
get wet with the sun
buffet buffet buffet - whoa!
reflect with the glorious scene

Currently Playing: Sunburn by Sandwich

guess it's late

2010-06-17T00:49:00.000-07:00

My officemate ask me to read a part on his online comic site..
i think thats from bleach asylum...

it says:

"Truth only exists for those that cling to it!"

he looked at me as if there's something important in that..

I can tell, he doesnt know what I've been going through right now, but the line made me feel lighter.

I just nodded and smiled.

Currently Playing: Calling All Angels by Train

dropping a candy

2010-06-10T01:53:00.000-07:00

“They all dream of someone who will come along and see in them a real woman—companion, lover, friend. But they all know, from the very first moment of each new encounter that this simply isn’t going to happen. I need to write about love. I need to think and think and write and write about love—otherwise my soul won’t survive.” - Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes

You're the sweetest man I've ever been with.
Though you seem to be just a little boy in the outside but you're more real and matured man inside.

About 2 years ago, you struck me with the friendship you offered me. You seem to find ways to make me happy and entertained during the times that I'm in the middle of emptiness and trying to find my own path again. For some time I saw myself once again being creative. I then noticed how good it feels to be smiling genuinely again.

I know for a fact that you're not free. Still captivated by your ex and a bunch of girls running after you. It's not hard to understand.

I know also that like me, you're longing for something real. I know you'll never gonna ask me. But somehow it entered my mind, and I entertained it and I liked it.

Its not hard to like you. You have this positive aura that gives me warmth, enough to melt my ice. Until one day I felt something true - fear. Fear of being too close. Fear of being careless. Fear of, I assume, falling again. But before I knew it, I was in it. And I hate it.

Like a hot potato, I decided to just drop whatever it is that I'm feeling. I dont wanna change anything between us. I wanna prove myself that I've learned a lot from my previous love story (lamuyan!). And importantly, I dont want to feel the same hurt I felt before.

So I'm sorry if I need to build this wall. Sorry if I'm coward (to the nth time). Sorry if I'm being quiet (I dont trust my stupid mouth anymore), if I'm being cold (nothing new), if I'm being a bitch and uninteresting. I cant help myself, I have to push you away. I know its the best way. It will be just for awhile, til the tingles disappear.

But just so you know,, you're the best part of my ongoing adventure. and I love it, even just the idea of it. :)

Until then., Friends?? Friends!

Currently Playing: Go Your Own Way by The Cranberries, Sweetest Thing by U2, Half of my Heart by John Mayer, Do You Remember by Jay Sean

Frustrations from my Apathy

2010-06-04T00:28:00.000-07:00

"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose . . ." - The Little Prince

Why do i have to confine myself to isolation?
Why do I let myself be numb?
Why can't I be open as I was before?
Why do I continue to be cold as ice?

Maybe it's the most convenient way for me to live freely.
I keep my headphones up all day to not welcome any embrace
Do I aim for solitude? Do I long for silence?
Don't I have enough?

Coz I've been through pain. And I promised myself I'll never get to experience it again.
I've realized that i have nobody to take care of myself but me.
But I seem to encounter the same hurt over and over.
Am I not really learning anything at all?

Everytime I get to open up myself with someone, I always get burned.
I always say I'm gonna give myself a chance
But I can't help but build a wall, to refrain myself from being tamed.
Then I would blame 'me' for being in a movie theater alone.

I admit I long for love. But how can I if I don't know it at all?
Or let's say I've forgotten how to.
Half of my heart is not letting go and continuously giving myself a chance - to believe.
I'm trying my best despite the fear.

No more loud music from now on - for me to listen more clearly.
I'll see things more closely as much as I can.
I'll refrain from talking so that others could express themselves freely.
Then I'll let the other half of my heart to realize that I could be loved.

Currently Playing:
Flinch by Alanis Morissette
Half of my heart by John Mayer

Forever After

2010-06-02T00:03:00.001-07:00

"You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone" -- Shrek

It's my first time to watch in a movie theater alone last Tuesday. I watched Shrek Forever After. Believe it or not - I cried.
I cried because as I watched, I realized how sad I was.
I cried because I felt the frustrations. (love)

Damn Forever After! Sino bang nagsabing totoo un??!! b

bitter. (LOL!)

After the movie, I felt great. I've never been so refreshed!

The movie gave me hope... that though there's a lot of imperfections,
we can be rescued by true love. Meantime, we better look and appreciate what we currently have and not what we don't have.
(i'd better read this again and again! haha!)

I love this Final Chapter of Shrek really! i can tell that this my favorite among the sequel. :)

Realization: Keep the Faith! kahit lunod na lunod na. :D
Currently Playing: I'm a Believer by Smash Mouth and For Once in my Life by Stevie Wonder

share ko lang dude...

2010-05-26T04:28:00.000-07:00

maganda ung araw ko kasi marami akong naaccomplish today pero naging matamlay gawa ng kwento mo!

yoko na maging malunkot! sabi mu nga,, 'this too shall pass'

besides, dami pang naghihintay na adventures para sakin...

this is one of the humps... sabihin mo naman sakin 'kaya mo yan!'

haayy, tama na emote.. time to smile again! weeheehee...

pero tuloy mu pa rin pagchika sakin ng mga latest ha! keri ko yan! thanks!

haayyy,, makauwi na nga lang nang magkakulay ang mundo ko!! babush!

Currently Playing: Smile by Nat King Cole (ahaha!)

baby, its bad news!

2010-05-25T01:45:00.000-07:00

feeling like a fool right now...
it's really just the sanest thing, just a sweetest kind of dream...
love is made for fools like me!
damn!
haayyy,, maka ngiti na nga lang! whew!

Currently Playing: Portions of Foxes by Rilo Kiley

There's blood in my mouth 'cause I've been biting my tongue all week
I keep on talkin' trash but I never say anything
And the talkin' leads to touchin'
and the touchin' leads to sex
and then there is no mystery left

And It's bad news
Baby I'm bad news
I'm just bad news, bad news, bad news

I know I'm alone if I'm with or without you
but just bein' around you offers me another form of relief
When the loneliness leads to bad dreams
and the bad dreams lead me to callin' you
and I call you and say "C'MERE!"

And it's bad news
Baby I'm bad news
I'm just bad news, bad news, bad news

And it's bad news
Baby it's bad news
It's just bad news, bad news, bad news

'Cause you're just damage control
for a walking corpse like me - like you

'Cause we'll all be
Portions for foxes
Yeah we'll all be
Portions for foxes

There's a pretty young thing in front of you
and she's real pretty and she's real into you
and then she's sleepin' inside of you
and the talkin' leads to touchin'
then touchin' leads to sex
and then there is no mystery left

And it's bad news
I don't blame you
I do the same thing
I get lonely too

And you're bad news
My friends tell me to leave you
That you're bad news, bad news, bad news

That you're bad news
Baby you're bad news
and you're bad news
Baby you're bad news
and you're bad news
I don't care I like you
and you're bad news
I don't care I like you
I like you

no candy ^_~

2010-05-20T01:16:00.000-07:00

If You Asked Me To

Used to be that I believed in something
Used to be that I believed in love
It's been a long time since I've had that feeling
I could love someone
I could trust someone
I said I'd never let nobody near my heart again darlin'
I said I'd never let nobody in

But if you asked me to
I just might change my mind
And let you in my life forever
If you asked me to
I just might give my heart
And stay here in your arms forever
If you asked me to
If you asked me to

Somehow ever since I've been around you
Can't go back to being on my own
Can't help feeling darling since I've found you
That I've found my home
That I'm finally home
I said I'd never let nobody get too close to me darling
I said I needed, needed to be free

(But if you asked me to...)

Asked me to, I will give my world to you baby
I need you now
Ask me to and I'll do anything for you baby, for you baby

If you asked me to
I'd let you in my life forever
If you asked me to...

Step up to the plate, swing that bat!

2010-04-30T02:05:00.000-07:00

Repost lang,, nabasa ko sa page ni Sir Gordon sa FB
I wanna share this with you..

"WE VOTERS OF QUALITY HAVE THE POWER TO LEAD THE QUANTITY ..and turn them into quality voters too....not the other way around. PAGBABAGO. SIGURADO." - Gordon

Tara na't makibahagi sa pagbabago!

THE ONE, THE ONLY
RICHARD J. GORDON: Step up to the plate, swing that bat
By Cathy C. Yamsuan
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 04:19:00 04/30/2010

Filed Under: Governance, Richard Gordon, Elections, Eleksyon 2010, Inquirer Politics

(First of a series)

During a debate on the Manila campus of De La Salle University, Sen. Richard Gordon waves a thin black and white contraption roughly the size of a notebook. “Kindle,” he shouts.

“Here’s a little computer where you can put the entire school curriculum, from Grade 1 to high school to college. Every kid in public school should have one because he who reads, leads,” Gordon exclaimed.

Gordon talked about providing the country’s 17 million public school students with the Amazon.com product and raising the quality of education in the process.

“The government purchases textbooks for public schools. Oftentimes, these books are full of errors. That’s why we have book scams left and right. Why not get a Kindle for every student, download the accurate, factual books needed for the year, do the same every year. So every school year, we just buy new Kindles for the incoming Grade 1,” he explained.

Gordon later admits the plan is simplistic but doable.

Gordon tells reporters that a P0.50 tax on every text message could fund this e-book project.

If there are 2 billion text messages sent every day, he says, that could raise P365 billion annually, enough to buy a $100 Kindle made in China for each pupil and even raise teachers’ monthly salaries to P40,000 from P12,000.

“Our education is now on the level of Zambia and Tanzania. Education should not be a choice. Poverty is the absence of choice,” the senator says.

Gordon, who is running for president in the May 10 election under his newly formed Bagumbayan-Volunteers for a New Philippines Party, fancies himself a “transformer,” pointing to his record as a no-nonsense mayor of Olongapo City.

In the early 1990’s, Gordon captured the country’s attention when he elevated Olongapo from a honky-tonk town hosting American servicemen at the then US Subic Bay Naval Base to one of the country’s more progressive cities.

Mt. Pinatubo’s eruption in 1991 devastated Olongapo and hastened US troop departure from the base following the Senate’s rejection of the extension of the Philippines’ bases treaty with the United States.

Rather than grieve, Gordon reinvented himself as chair and administrator of the Subic Bay Metropolitan Authority (SBMA) and became the most prominent salesman of the former naval base as a trade and investment hub.

With its duty-free shops and the first class facilities in the base that was previously off limits to Filipinos, Subic became a prime domestic tourist destination. Olongapo was swept in the boom.

Gordon sought to instill discipline among his constituents, plastering signs all over the city declaring that “bawal ang tamad sa Olongapo,” or laziness is not allowed.

“Everything I did in Olongapo was a reaction to colonial culture. We have Juan Tamad who is a bad role model,” says Gordon, who served as mayor for a dozen years.

Gordon boasts that Olongapo was the first city to have tricycle drivers wearing uniforms.

Public utility vehicles were color-coded long before the scheme was adopted in Metro Manila to ease traffic jams.

But Gordon also had another reason for the project. When his father James L. Gordon, Olongapo’s founding father and its first mayor, was assassinated in 1967, the attackers escaped using tricycles. He figured that public vehicles and drivers should be identified easily.

In 1998, Felicito Payumo replaced Gordon as SBMA chief. Pundits trace a reason that went all the way back to 1992, the election year after the Senate’s rejection of the US Bases Treaty.

Posters showing the faces of the so-called “Magnificent 12” senators who voted for the rejection of the treaty were hoisted around Olongapo. People were told not to vote for them.

The urban legend goes that when Sen. Joseph Estrada, one of the Magnificent 12, became president six years later, he appointed Payumo to the SBMA to get back at Gordon.

Besides, Gordon was perceived to be more sympathetic to the Americans, a detail that could hurt the newly elected Estrada’s pro-poor image.

Asked if he considers himself a nationalist, Gordon was quick to respond: “Why shouldn’t I be?”

Gordon grew up in an Olongapo with a hovering American presence. “The bases were rammed down our throats,” he said.

Humble origins

Gordon grew up in a comparatively affluent family with humble origins. His father was a cochero—a driver of a horse-drawn carriage. He built a hotel, a grocery store, a bakery, a piggery, a fleet of jeepneys, movie houses and four restaurants.

The father taught the senator and his siblings—Veronica, Barbara, Cecille and James Jr.—a strict work ethic. “We were richer before we came into public office,” he says.

Growing up under the shadow of the US base, Gordon played baseball with both American kids and “the poorest of the poor” Filipinos that gravitated around the base looking for opportunities.

As a child, he worked as an usher in their theater and as a waiter and dishwasher in their restaurants, shined shoes and rented out comic books. He also collected slop from American households to feed their pigs, sold hand-stitched teddy bears and ladybugs and cajoled bar girls to promote his products with their American boyfriends.

Fist fights and judo

Gordon went to school in Manila. He remembers attending Grade 1 in St. Theresa’s College in QC and Grades 2 to 4 in Letran College, where he had fond memories of fist fights with Spanish mestizo classmates.

“I once came home with a bleeding upper lip. My father urged me to take up judo. He told me, ‘stand your guard and fight.’”

Gordon finished elementary at Lourdes School in Quezon City. Long after graduation, a teacher remembered Gordon fondly as the only boy who could spell “yacht.”

“I was always president of the class,” he says.

Gordon recalls that a visit by the New York Yankees to Subic was a turning point in his life.

Life is like baseball

“I saw them with my dad. They defeated the Pinoys, 20-0,” he says. After the game, the elder Gordon told his son that life was like baseball. “It teaches you to ‘step up the plate’, to ‘swing that bat.’ Both are idioms for accountability,” he says.

The assassination of his father—after three failed attempts—brought to Gordon the harsh reality of politics. He says his father was killed for exposing the involvement of the vice mayor in illegal logging and smuggling.

“The case was never brought to justice. That’s why I wanted to become a lawyer,” he says.

Before entering law school at the University of the Philippines, Gordon was brand manager of Tide and Safeguard at Procter and Gamble. ‘I introduced Safeguard to the market. It’s still number one, kiddo,” he says.

“We worked like dogs. We were taught to be assertive. It was like a boot camp. Our American and Filipino bosses were dictators,” he recalls.

At best, the experience was a reinforcement of what his father had taught him years before.

Lessons in discipline

“In Olongapo, my exposure to life in the bases taught a lot about discipline, the accountability of one man and the responsibility of officers. If we had a navy like that, we Filipinos would be more arrogant,” he says.

He admits he was for the extension of the US lease at Subic.

“Why am I pro-bases? I’ve proven my point. We are saddled by a culture of weakness. And in this culture, I’m quickly judged as arrogant,” he says.

“Everybody’s afraid of change. I’m a man who changes things. I can do things that men who do not want change cannot do.

“Look what happened to Pinatubo and Subic. Pinatubo was the end of the world for us. It showed there was no governance. All we had were shovels and prayers. Our hospital collapsed from the weight of the ash fall. I told God I’m willing to die, just that He not make me panic while all this was going on,” Gordon said.

Fraternity with Erap

Gordon insists that voters examine the track records of all candidates. He cites former President Joseph “Erap” Estrada, the former mayor of San Juan, as an example.

“Erap won because he was a mayor. Of course, he was liked because all his movies were pro-poor. But he was trusted because he was a mayor.”

Gordon feels a certain degree of fraternity with Estrada because both of them were unceremoniously booted out of their offices in 1986 by then President Corazon Aquino after the ouster of the dictator Ferdinand Marcos.

Youngest delegate

Unlike other politicians compelled to trace some form of bond with Aquino, Gordon again points to his track record as a stronger proof of leadership.

A lawyer, he was the youngest delegate to the 1971 constitutional convention, had been mayor of Olongapo, founding chair and administrator of the Subic Bay Metropolitan Authority, tourism secretary, is currently senator and chair of the Philippine National Red Cross.

Gordon admires President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s work ethic. “She has improved the economy. What the world looks at, she has improved. But from where we look at, she hasn’t improved,” says Gordon.

“We want better schools and no corruption. People do not like her because of the First Gentleman. She broke her promise not to run, plus there’s ‘Hello Garci,’” he says.

Transformers

Gordon says he is running for president for the sake of the “vulnerable”—referring to the impoverished Filipinos. “We have really done bad as a country.”

He always emerges as best or second best speaker during informal surveys taken after presidential debates but is doing poorly in the Social Weather Station and Pulse Asia surveys.

“Who cares about the ratings? If you want me, you will vote for me,” he barks at a television reporter.

“Take out the names, take out the money of all the candidates and just look at the persons, their platforms, their track record, their record of integrity and competence and people will know who to vote for,” he says.

Gordon’s running mate is Bayani Fernando, who as mayor turned Marikina from a backwater into one of the country’s modern cities and as chair of the Metropolitan Manila Development Authority brought order in the streets of the Philippine capital.

They call themselves “the transformers.”

“This will be a transformational, instead of a transactional leadership that only deepens the root of corruption in government. My strategy is plain and simple, people want new leaders who can deliver,” he says.

“Leadership is not a title, it is not a position. It is action.”

Curiosities

Gordon’s office in the Senate looks like a shop of curiosities. Nearly all walls are lined with books. Scale models of ships are moored on tables. A museum quality diorama of the Knights of the Round Table rests on a dinner-sized table in his quarters. “King Arthur is about chivalry,” he said.

There are also various figures of horses “because I love to ride horses.”

And a statue of Don Quixote. “A friend gave me that. When I was a child, my father cranked up the volume of the stereo and played ‘Impossible Dream’ in the morning. This was before it became a Ninoy song,” Gordon said.

Does the mile-a-minute Gordon know that he talks too much?

He pauses for about two seconds. “But I make sense, don’t I?”

-------------------------------------------

Currently Playing: JAM (Kilos Kabataan) by Cookie Chua and Kevin Roy

THE ADVENTURE BEGINS!

2010-04-25T03:44:00.000-07:00

I believe that 2010 is a good year for me, I just realized.

As I read my past blogs and journals, I cant believe how lonely I was. Oh, I forgot! the reason why I created this blog is to make it an outlet of my emotions, where loneliness is most dominant. For some reasons like: missing my mom and my childhood, love that failed to blossom, damn bosses and admin (from my previous company), disappointments from officemates & friends and birthday blues.

I'm tired! I wanna break free - and I'm glad I did!

This freedom allows me to be more enthusiastic about life. It became clear to me that this year is my year to get back on my feet again and to start anew carrying the lessons I learned from my painful past. I can tell that I'm happier now... :) I started to work out again, jogging and biking - whew I love the sweat! I also started to put light make ups on my face which is really not my thing. Hihihi! I reorganized my things and all..to find new perspectives in everything I do. I've been to a lot of beaches this year and I'm planning go some place more! I feel free,, truly, it feels good to be unstoppable!

How could I be so blind to see the improvements I was able to attain.
My family is more intact now, i have a new job and great bosses, and although I'm not lucky enough to win the heart of the man I've waited, I learned how to love and hopefully be able to try again.:)

I wont promise that I'll no longer blog about my crappy past lonely life... if the need arises, I definitely will. But for now I wanna enjoy my life and the surprises that are yet to come. It feels like its my first time to discover this freedom. I dont know,, I got no long term plans and I stopped thinking about my goals. Now I am more ready for the unknown! I'm cool and smiling and enthusiastic!

And now... Let the Adventures begin!

Currently Playing: Colorblind by Counting Crows

Soy Un Pardedor

2010-04-18T22:09:00.000-07:00

“When I had nothing to lose, I had everything. When I stopped being who I am, I found myself. When I experienced humiliation and total submission, I was free.” - Eleven Minutes, Paulo Coelho

I’ve always been a loser.. maybe thats why i am born in this world, to substantiate what it means to be a winner.
I accepted that fact long time ago and every time I have my encounter with defeat i often say to myself,, “Ah okay,, no big deal!”or “Maiba naman!”.
Whenever i thought that victory is at hand,, I always can’t believe it myself.
As I grow up, I’m learning some good ways to deal with defeat,, either through joke or through a clever remarks.
Enough with the blah blahs.... my aim is not to take sympathy but to be understood.

When it comes to you, I know from the start that I’m gonna lose you like any other things and people that came and went in my life.
I learned a lot from you... I learned to love and not expect anything in return.

Coz in love, no one can harm anyone else; we are each of us responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we feel. it hurt when i lost the various people in my life. now, though I am convinced that no one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone.

Well,, for a girl like me,, having you in my life was like winning a consolation prize. And as I embrace my defeat,, i honestly profess that in that short period of time, I was truly happy. :)

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
- Ecclesiastes 3:2-8

Currently Playing: Over The Rainbow by Jason Castro

its hard but it hurts me no more

2010-04-13T22:54:00.001-07:00

im working out again,, i have a target! - June!

Damn,, its never easy,,, but i was surprised that i don't get muscle pains anymore.
or maybe its just the time that I'm doing each steps right. haha.

wait! bakit ba lahat natatabaan ngayon??
at bakit lahat ng kakilala kong tumataba e gusto magpapayat??

for revenge?? an escape from a painful past?
or is it really for the better you?? loving yourself more??

aha! i dont know whats the answer for me...
maybe i just felt the need for it.. whatever.

"... keeping busy everyday... i know i will be okay..."

Currently Playing: Out of Reach by Gabrielle

mistake?!

2010-04-12T03:29:00.000-07:00

minsan nasabi ko din to sarili ko eh! its nice to hear it from someone else,, even if its just from a line in a tv show... :)

"There are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it is a mistake is to make that mistake and look back and say, "Yup, that was a mistake". So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake because then you'll go your whole life not really knowing if something is a mistake or not. And damn it, I made no mistakes." =)) - Lily, How I Met Your Mother

Currently Playing:
Hey Beautiful by the Solids

Sand last night, see-saw tonight.

2010-04-04T22:26:00.000-07:00

I was in the midst of chaos in Puerto Galera during the sacred days that every Christian is observing. I promised myself to have a soul searching there in the presence of the sand, sun, trees, and cool air, my sanctuary indeed. But unfortunately, the opposite happened. Summer night outs, extreme sports, exposure to bisexuals’ way of life, presence of lust, vices… I was moved.
As I went home, I was in my unpleasant mood. Though I definitely enjoyed everything that we did there, I wasn’t able to do what I’m supposed to do (I wasn’t even able to open the book that I brought). So as I sit in the sofa and turned the tv on, I searched for something noteworthy. And there in a cable channel, I heard this man preaching (www.davidjeremiah.org). The topic wasn’t clear to me. He just gave me some points to reflect on:

* How’s my faith?? Is it empty?
* Why do I tolerate things now that I don’t even consider before? How do I find comfort in accepting things like that?
* Is my spirit stagnant? What happened to its discovered purpose?
* Where’s my focus???

I was disturbed by these questions. They darted on me bulls’ eye in my heart.

I observed my family. I realized that we weren’t that religious, although my Mom imposed on us to be dependent in the Lord, but still her time was short. Our family, as I can see now, is just simple. We celebrate the good times, we get mad at each other once in awhile but we’re able to talk it through, we watch tv together, we drink alcohol at least every week, we are free to do whatever we pleased, we all have our freedom given the consequences that corresponds to it, we love each other but hardly express it and most of all, respect dominates in us. We respect each others’ attitude, opinion and point of view in every life’s aspect. The thing is – where am I supposed to stand? Given the fact that my family isn’t so much concern about they’re spirituality (or maybe I don’t know).. Who then I must follow???

I clearly know the message from the preacher. And though its hard,, I know for sure the answers to those questions. Of course I do,, I was once nourished by teachings from Singles for Christ. But how can I do it?? Without the support system that I need, my family and SFC Community, and as I am surrounded now by a lot of manipulators around me,, teaching me the modern norms and standards, how can I get away from them?? How can I stand firm in my convictions? How can I be more focus on God’s purpose in my life?

It’s complex. Well, nobody said following Christ is going to be easy. One thing is for sure, as God gave me this wisdom,, I am RESPONSIBLE. And as the Lord promised that His grace is greater than our needs. I just hope that I can go back in the heart of worship soon.

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.

Currently Playing: One Way by Hillsong
"You are the Way, the Truth, and the Light. We live by Faith and not by Sight. For you, we live it all for You!"

Pati ba naman me??

2010-03-31T23:23:00.000-07:00

You can easily make people believe
of who you want to be for them.
“What you see is what is what you get.”
You often tell your friends that.
That’s pretty amazing. How do you do it??

You said you’re stupid, you don''t know a thing.
You said you didn’t mean it.
You said you’re in love when you’re playing.
You said everything that you say is just joke.
I thought I know you, but now, not at all.
So I say now you’re kinda pretentious.

How long will you play tricks with people?
How long will you find comfort from hiding yourself?
I thought you’re real when you’re with me.
I thought you're different,, I believed in you.
Just didn’t expect that.., but yeah, I should’ve known.

Currently Playing:
Go Your Own Way by The Cranberries

Loving you
Isn't the right thing to do
How can I ever change things
That I feel

If I could
Maybe I'd give you my world
How can I
When you won't take it from me

You can go your own way
Go your own way
You can call it
Another lonely day
You can go your own way
Go your own way

Tell me why
Everything turned around
Packing up
Shacking up is all you wanna do

If I could
Baby I'd give you my world
Open up
Everything's waiting for you

reality bit me,, big time!

2010-03-29T02:58:00.000-07:00

sabi nga ni ate,, lahat ng tao,, kahit ako - kahit di ko aminin - NAGBABAGO.

Currently Playing:

"Though i cant see you, i can feel you
I'm so glad you opened my door..."

by Eraserheads

Am no Lesbi! :))

2010-03-29T00:42:00.000-07:00

early this morning while i was at a bus,, i saw a young beautiful lady. very charming.
i cant help but look at her and admire her.
i really like her face, her features, her hair, her dusky complexion, and the way she leaned her back in her seat,, she's undeniably sexy.she looked back at me with a smile. damn, she might think im a bi or something!

the thing is,, i wanted to have her features, her face, her complexion, her hair. not that i dont love my own,, its just fine. but what i saw in her leave me lil envious, that if only - given the chance - i wanna have the same features as hers!

its weird to talk about these stuffs.. but i know nothing is wrong with me... hehehe..
something i can guarantee you... i'm a straight woman!

A Repost,, remembering bitter-sweet yesterdays...

2010-02-03T02:50:00.000-08:00

UTTERLY PROFOUND, YOUNGBLOOD article, Feb. 3, 2009

“HELLO,” I SAID SLUGGISHLY. MY BODY WAS SHAKING while I held the phone. It must have been the dreadful, chilly winds brought about by the harsh winter season.
“Hey, my dear! Did I wake ya?” was the quick energized response.
“yeah, ya did. What time is it? Where are ya?”
“I’m sorry. It’s a lil’ past three. I’m at a lil’ coffee shop down in Sunset.”
I didn’t even bother to ask him what he was doing in Hollywood hours before the crack of dawn. He should have been in bed, like other normal people.
While he mumbled for some time, I contemplated that my voice mail should have picked up his call. But the phone rang more than thrice. I thought it was a long distance call from back home and there was an emergency. The Philippines and Los Angeles had a 16-hour time difference, that’s why.
At any rate, I was awake.
Then he finally told me that I should closely listen to the story he was about to tell. He said it happened one afternoon after he go out of work and strolled around a park in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Wanting to relax, he sat down in one of the benches. Minutes later, he saw an old woman on a wheelchair and a baby on a stroller crossing diagonally right in front of him at the exact same moment.
“When life ends, life begins,” he said in a very soft voice.
For a brief moment, I was silent and my body trembled even more.
Even after our conversation ended, I was still in shock. A simple story, yet utterly profound. I couldn’t get back to sleep and ended up staring at the wall for hours and hours until I finally mustered enough strength to get out of bed and get ready for work.
In a sense, he had conveyed the power of moving forward and starting anew even when everything seemed to have fallen apart.
To top it all, it was just days after he gave me the most exquisite and precious Christmas present I have received so far: a small crystal figurine of a unicorn affixed in a mirrored glass. His words:

“The symbolism of the unicorn I picked out for you is of purity and innocence, kind of virginal, so to speak. The reason I got it for you is simple: I care about you. I wanted you to have something more genuine than a sweater, a dress, or some tacky present. But also so you would know that we might not be together forever, but I wanted to share with you the meaning behind the unicorn. Some day, when you’re having a hard time, look at the unicorn and understand that everything will be okay. I know it doesn’t seem that way when you’re worrying about something or you are in a middle of a crisis, but unicorns do exist. God made them too. They bring hope along with a good prayer.”

To my amazement, he manifested immense spirituality. Although he never really pressed any specific religious teaching, he always managed to stir my soul.
Astonishingly, he has the gift of discernment. He has the ability to comprehend beyond the five senses. For instance, he foretold the quick recovery of a young lady who was run over by a car and was bound to a wheelchair after doctors insisted that she could never walk again. He also knew that I went to the beauty salon for a haircut although we had not seen each other for months.
Unbelievable as it may sound, he can quickly recognize the presence of a good spirit or an evil omen.
At one point or another, he played different roles in my life. He was a friend (and he still is). He was a lover. He was a teacher. He was the closest thing I ever had to a soul mate.
He made me realize the beauty in life in a world filled with chaos, injustice and selfishness. More significantly, he taught me something even greater: to have faith again, to believe again.
__________________________
Tara Yap, 27, works for a newspaper in Iloilo City and is also a research assistant for project-based researches in UP Visayas

>> i know you wont be coming back... just so you know.., remembering you gives me peace of mind,, as you always have...

Currently Playing:

"ikaw ang ala-ala na masaya ang mundo..." - Dyad , Dong Abay

FIVE THINGS

2009-12-11T01:46:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile!
Masasabi ko na sa loob ng halos tatlong buwan... ang dami nang nagbago sa mundo ko... ehehehe... nakaka excite! :)

1. Hmmm....sasabihin ko na mas masaya na ko ngayon. driving force ko pa man din sa pagsusulat ang pagiging malungkot (apir Bob Ong!), e tinantanan niya ko pansamantala. i think that explains kung bakit ngayon lang ako nagparamdam... so okey!

2. Sobrang busy,, to the point na panggising ko sa umaga ang thought na kailangan kong pumasok sa trabaho at sa gabi pag-uwe,, kama ko nalang ang namimiss ko. sabi nga ng iba,, refuge daw ang pagiging busy para sa mga taong laging nag-iisip. salamat sa room mate ko sa paghila sakin palagi pabalik sa pagiging tao - thanks for sharing me your friends! =)

3. Ngayon ko na napagtanto kung paano nagiging 'heaven' ang pagkain ng masasarap, panonood ng sine, at pagpapabody spa - para sa mga taong physically pagod. sabi rin ng officemate ko, maliban sa saya at sarap na naidudulot nito, may kinalaman din ang 'purchasing power' sa satisfaction na ibinibigay nito! uhmm,, guess its right.

4. Christmas spirit is in the air... though i hate this season, tingin ko okey lang naman ako ngayon unlike in the past few years. may mga bata kasi sa bahay namin, kahit papano alam kong karapatan nilang magsaya sa mga panahong ganito at hindi ako para mandamay ng topak ko. panay ang isip ko para sa mga pangregalo, mejo nakakastress pero okey lang. tis the season to forgive and forget- sana mapatawad na ko ng mga may tampo sakin. i know its hard for me to be sincerely happy sa mga panahong to, but somehow i know i have to give myself a chance... little by little.. year by year...

5. Ang slot na ito ay para sana sa isang magandang kwento.. un nga lang, hindi ko lam kung pano simulan... kaya ilalarawan ko nalang ito sa pamamagitan ng lyrics.., dun naman ako magaling e..

if it wasn't the oceans, wasn't the breezes,
wasn't the white sands, i might be not needed.
if i could sleep through the coal mines,
if i could breathe through hatred, if i could work through the summer, then i wouldn't feel so humble.
oh you, its always you, its always you.
if red roses weren't so lovely, wine didn't taste so good,
stars weren't so romantic, then i could do what i should.
oh you, its always you, its always you.
if you love i could command it, get your head to understand it,
i'd go twice around the world, eventhough i may not find it.
oh you, its always you, its always you.

nakakamiss talaga ang mag blog... gaya ngayon,, masaya na naman ako. well,, sana magleave muna ang pagkarobot sakin... goodluck naman :) pano,, until then!

Currently Playing: Always You by Sophie Zelmani

current LSS

2009-10-12T23:53:00.000-07:00

hello! kumusta na kau??
busy-busihan ako ngayon... kakaloka!
ganun pala talaga pag seryoso na.. lol!
madami akong makukulay na kwento,, pero saka na muna un kasi limitado lang oras ko.
nami-miss ko lang talaga ang mundong ito!
haaayyy...

anyway,, gusto ko lang ishare ang song na madalas kong pinapaulit-ulit sa itunes...
ngayon ko lang siya naappreciate. nakakatuwa ang lyrics.. :)

From Transformers, Revenge of the Fallen
NEVER SAY NEVER by The Fray

There's some things we don't talk about
Rather do without
And just hold the smile
Falling in and out of love
Ashamed and proud of
Together all the while
You can never say never
Why we dont know when
Time and time again
Younger now than we were before

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
[x2]

Picture you're the queen of everything
As far as the eye can see
Under your command
I will be your guardian
When all is crumbling
Steady your hand

You can never say never
Why we dont know when
Time, time and time again
Younger now then we were before

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
[x2]

We're pulling apart and coming together again and again
We're growing apart but we pull it together, pull it together, together again

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
[x4]

BE STILL...

2009-10-02T02:26:00.000-07:00

STILL
by: Hillsong

Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Sa Mga Oras Na Ito

2009-09-27T08:17:00.001-07:00

Sa mga oras na ito...

Nananalangin po ako para sa mga kababayan kong apektado ng bagyong Ondoy...

Sa tito ko na napag alaman kong nasa ibabaw ng kanilang bubong at naghihintay ng paghupa ng baha...
Sa mga napapanood ko na nasa evacuation center na naghihintay ng mga tulong...
Sa mga magulang na nawawalan ng mga anak...
Sa mga anak na nawawalan ng magulang at kasama...
Sa mga tao na nadala ng rumaragasang tubig dulot ng baha...
Sa mga taong namatayan ng mga kapamilya't kaibigan...
Sa mga nawawalan ng pag-asa dahil sa trahedyang ito...
Ipinagkakatiwala ko po ang lahat sa inyo..

Gayundin ay nagpapasalamat din po ako sa inyo, Panginoon ko...

Sa kaligtsang ipinagkaloob ninyo sa akin, sa aking pamilya at sa aming bayan na hindi nasayaran ng tubig baha sa loob ng aming tahanan...
Sa mga kababayan ko na nagsisimula nang makipagbayanihan sa pamamagitan ng pagbibigay ng donasyon sa mga nasalanta at ngvvolunteer...
Sa mga kababayan na ngbibigay pag-asa sa mga kapwa Pilipino na nasa bingit na ng kahinaang loob...
Sa mensaheng gusto ninyong ipahatid sa amin sa pangyayaring ito...
Mangyari po nawa ang naaayon sa kalooban niyo...

Amen.

Strengthen Friendship Award

2009-09-22T08:08:00.000-07:00

Bago ang lahat, gusto ko munang gawin to..

Haaaayyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!

Para sa lahat-lahat ng nangyare sa loob ng mahigit isang linggo… whew!!!

Naranasan ko ulit ang maging unemployed. Pinili ko muna magpahinga sa lahat ng normal na gawain at magpaka-bum. Marami akong gustong gawin kaso hindi sapat ung isang linggo na pahinga.. gayumpaman,, masaya ako at may makabuluhan at makulay na nangyare sa buhay ko sa loob ng mga araw na yon. :)

sa sobrang saya ko, pakiramdam ko nasa ulap pa ko, hehehe! sa susunod na post nalang ako magkkwento tungkol dun...

mejo wala pa ako sa sarili ko nang nagbukas ako ng blogger account ko... sa hindi ko inaasahan, may mga surpresa palang naghihintay sa akin!

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

sa totoo lang, hindi pa talaga ako ganun kasanay sa mga bagay-bagay tungkol sa blogosphere..

natutuwa lang talaga akong magbasa tungkol sa mga self expressions and sharings ng mga blogista...

at isa pa, hindi ko maipagkakaila na masarap din ang pakiramdam na ma-appreciate ng kapwa blogista ang mga sinisigaw ng isip ko na naipararating lamang sa pamamgitan ng pagsusulat dito.

masaya ako dahil ngayon lang ako nakakuha ng award! :)

kahit kailan e hindi naman ako nasanay na tumanggap ng mga awards/recognitions dahil isa lang akong simpleng tao,, masaya lang ako na may kumakausap sakin, ok na un. :)

kaya naman sobrang nagpapasalamat ako kay Czaroma ng A Woman Remembers para sa Strengthen Friendship Award na shinare niya sakin..

The award above signifies:

Green : symbolizes the new buddies
Yellow : represents the guys who are always active
Blue : symbolizes the bloggers with PR
Platform Red : symbolizes that we are all equal and that we are brothers and sisters

Here are the rules for the award:

1. Create a post as above.
2. Include the link Giver Award.
3. For colleagues who have not followed this site or not exchange links, please follow or exchange links with me.
4. Copy-paste the image above

at dahil dyan, ipinapasa ko ngayon ang award na ito sa mga bago kong kaibigan dito sa blogosphere... sana ay magpatuloy pa ang friendship at patuloy pa rin kayong maka-inspire ng ibang beginners na katulad ko.. :)

maraming salamat!!!

ipagpatuloy ang daloy ng alon... :)

Basyon
Chikletz
Reigun
Deth
Homer

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

at sa iyo Basyon, salamat sa pag-follow mo sa akin...
hindi ko alam ang ang ibig sabihin ng follower, pero pinindot ko lang basta..
e aun, nakakatuwa na meron rin pumatos!
isang magandang surpresa ito para sa akin!!!
Take care of yourself and Avril! :)

Currently Playing:

Here Comes the Sun by Sheryl Crow

10th...

2009-09-09T08:29:00.000-07:00

gumising ako kaninang umaga, nagmamadali.. dahil lagi nalang ako nalelate ngayon sa trabaho... last week ko naman na kaya hindi nako sinisita.. pagdating sa office,, timpla ng kape.. sabay nagpatawag nako ng meeting ulit para sa pagtturn over ko. busy buong maghapon... hanggang sa namataan ko kung anung petsa na ngayon...

September 9, 2009.

isang linggo nang naka-on ang alarm ko para sa araw na ito... hindi ko nalimutan pero hindi lang ako makapaniwalang ngayon na pala un... ang bilis ng panahon,, hindi ko namalayan.. ika-10 taon na pala nang kinuha ka ni Lord sa piling namin.

plano ko umattend ng Mass para sayo. at dahil kinailangang mag overtime, hindi ko na nagawa. tumawag ako kay ate,, malungkot niyang ibinalita sa akin na may sakit siya at hindi niya kayang pumunta sa bayan para makapagsimba gawa walang mag-aalaga sa mga bebi niya. pero pare pareho kaming nagdasal para sayo.

sa loob ng sampung taon, kahit masakit ang paglisan mo, hindi ko mapigilan ang pagiging proud na ikaw ang Mom ko! tuwing napag-uusapan ang mga nanay talagang hindi ako nawawalan ng kwento tungkol sayo. tuwing may nakikilala akong mga kaibigan na may nanay pa, inggit na inggit ako.

iniisip ko tuloy kung kasama pa kita,, malamang numero unong tagasupsrta ka sa mga pinagsususulat ko! siguro lagi tayong nalabas, nagwiwindow shop, nakain sa labas, at nanonood ng sine. simple lang kasi kaligayahan ng mo e,, sayo siguro talaga ako nagmana. siguro ikaw rin ang madalas kong kachikahan kapag may insomia attack ako., si ate kasi lagi nakong tinutulugan pagnagkkwento ako every weekend pag umuuwi ako.

sa awa ng diyos unti-unti na rin po akong nagiging okay sa kabila ng pagiging wasak ko ngayong taon. sayang, kung andito ka,, siguradong matutuwa ka sa progress sa buhay ko, masaya ka ngayon kasi ok na ang career ko. siguro magiging proud ka rin sakin. at alam kong ikaw din ang numero unong sasaway sa mga natutunan kong bisyo.

sayang mom, sana kasama ka namin.. alam mo, naging close na ulit pamilya natin.. alam kong gustong gusto mo un..
nga pala, makukulit na mga apo mo.. :)
si dad busy sa business niya pero masaya siyang nauwi sa bahay kasi madalas kumpleto kami.

sana nga pala nakilala mo mga kaibigan ko na humihila sakin pataas. ok sila kasama, sigurado magkakasundo kayo lalo na sa videoke sessions!

sana kung nandito ka,, lagi na kitang maittreat! anung gusto mo, palabok ng jolibi o lomi ng chowking? bibili tayo! kahit anung gusto mo... naisip ko nga minsan anu kaya kung ngayon ka nagkasakit at nangailangan,, may pambili na tayo ng mga tamang gamot para sayo,, mas maaalagaan ka namin kasi kaya na namin ngayon.

hayyy,, ayoko nang maluha.. lalaki lalo ang eyebags ko. alam ko namang mas ok kana ngayon. pasensya kana kung lagi kitang naddisappoint. malabo man sabihin na iniaalay ko sayo ang bawat ginagawa ko, pero hindi ko maiwasan ang magkamali. kulang talaga siguro sa guidance. pero tama ka, may tamang timing talaga si God sa lahat ng bagay! gaya ngayon... :)

i love you Mommy! we miss you so much!

currently playing:
TIME IN A BOTTLE by Jim Croce
If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that Id like to do
Is to save every day
Till eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you
If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
Id save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you
But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
Ive looked around enough to know
That youre the one I want to go
Through time with
If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you
But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find themIve looked around enough to know
That youre the one I want to go
Through time with

special thanks to reigun.. eto na, nagawa ko na ung post para sa mom ko! tnx! :)

First Love Attack

2009-09-02T07:05:00.000-07:00

August 21, my girlfriends and I had our night out (by the way, they are Cel, Carla, Khate and Anne, my high school close friends). It was Cel and Khate’s post birthday celeb so we decided to go somewhere we can eat and celebrate, see a movie and drink coffee after to catch up. SM Sta. Rosa was a fair place for that event.

As we enter Pizza Hut we saw familiar faces. It was Lana and Jomar, high school classmates of ours. It was weird to see them out dining alone though I heard some news back then that they really got close during college since they both studied in Manila. They said they are just friends and they have their own love lives – okay! As I said, it’s just weird.

Truthfully, Jomar was my first love. Nobody in my girlfriends knew about that, only two of my friends back in high school but I have not been with them for a long time now.

He has changed. He got fat, haha! He was cuter back in high school. I remember his sweet eyes and warm smile. Our comfortable conversations about how we hated the world and love music. We exchanged cassette tapes and CDs of Eraserheads albums, Rivermaya, PNE, Survivor, Cruisin love song selections, Scorpions and a lot more. I still have Phil Collins’ best hits album that he gave me, though it doesn’t play anymore. I remember, I lend him some song hits with chords of Eheads songs and the 1001 Book, we also shared some tips in playing guitar. I still have the drawing he gave me of Ghostfighter character, Dennis, the one with the rose. He was very good on it and I loved it. It was with him that I started to appreciate and understand every song’s lyrics from the song “Halaga”. I remember how he brighten up my day everyday in our high school years that I wonder how I managed to hide it from him and from our classmates. I’ll never forget the day he held my hand one afternoon before school departure. I still have the card he gave me before we graduate. Lastly, I still remember how I felt when he told me that he was falling for our classmate Chat, a beautiful musician.

He sat beside me. Since we never had the chance to communicate after our graduation day, we were able to talk about it that night. We shared some laugh and brief stories. I learned about his career and failed relationship as I told him mine. We talked about how he thought he was about to be married, then how he struggled to overcome a bad break up and what the pain had made him.

It’s good to know that I don’t feel the same, I mean I don’t get hurt anymore unlike before. Duh! It’s been like.. uhm.. 8… 9 years, I even don’t remember the sound of his voice! We don’t know what happened to us, we never dared to talk it out. My sister said I’ve been fooled. Well, I guess we all have our fair share of being foolish when in comes to love. I’m glad that everything was just so cool and it’s good to be hearing from him after all these years! I just wonder if he had anything to do with my love life that just quite made a little pattern that started from what happened in us. ;) Well, I just wish him – well!

I still remember a lot of things we’ve shared. I guess, that’s just the way I love, that’s the way I am. I don’t know if he still remember some of the things I’ve mentioned but if ever we’d be able to talk about this... I know we’ll be laughing so damn hard!

Currently Playing: Dear Paul by Barbie’s Cradle
Now by MYMP

have some fire!

2009-08-24T06:37:00.000-07:00

nakapanood ako ng Grey's Anatomy Season 4 kahapon pagkatapos ng 50 years na pagmmovie marathon. napansin ko tong linyang ito na narelate ako... nainis si Christina sa babagal-bagal at walang kusang intern na si Lexie (lol)

Lexie: Are you okay?
Christina: Don't ask me if I'm okay.
Lexie: Okay.
Christina: Ugh, you make me sick. Have some fire. Be unstoppable. Be a force of nature. Be better than anyone here, and don't give a damn what anyone thinks. There are no teams here, no buddies. You're on your own. Be on your own. - Losing My Mind

last friday.. medyo naasar ako sa officemate ko... ayaw niya tanggapin ang ilang trabaho na iiwanan ko... as i can see, kayang-kaya niya un at hindi ko naman irerecomend na ibigay sa kanya ung trabaho kung alam kong hindi niya kaya... its for her own advantage. pero tinanggihan niya ko.. medyo nanghihinayang ako kasi nakakahon nalang siya sa trabaho niya ngayon... simpleng simple nalang sa kanya lahat... at naiirita ako knowing na binibigay ko sa kanya ang work load na kung saan may chance siyang mag-grow..lalo pa ngayon na aalis na ko..

nakakahinayang at nakakairita... siguro dahil rin talaga sa rejection... pero yan ang nararamdaman ko ngayon...

baka mabasa mo to,..pasensiya na walang personalan ha, trabaho lang...
you're still my dear friend...
two weeks to go...
im going to miss you...

ang malungkot na miryenda, bow...

2009-08-18T06:29:00.000-07:00

may hindi inaasahang nangyare kaninang hapon... naloka ako! kumusta naman ang natanga sa microwave...
may dala akong popcorn na kelangang isalang sa microwave para ma-enjoy... nagpasama ako sa officemate ko na si may na bumaba sabay tsikahan naren tungkol sa status ng resignation ko (coffee break na walang kape.. hehe). hindi ko naman first time gumamit ng microwacve oven... first time kolang magluto ng popcorn don. puro kain lang kasi ang ginagawa ko. :)
ang sabi sa instructions, 2 minutes daw ang pagluluto non, at most, 2 minutes and 30 sec. dahan dahan kong nilagay ang popcorn sa loob ng oven at pinindot ng dalawang beses ang 1 minute button. ang saya! habang pumuputok-putok at nangangamoy na ang popcorn, tuloy ang kwentuhan namin ni may... maya maya pa, tumunog na ang "ding" senyales na tapos na ang 2 minutes. naririnig ko pa na may pumuputok pa kaya naisip ko na pindutin pa ang 30 mins. button.

langhap..
langhap...
wow.....
ding!

binuksan ko nang buong tuwa ang oven... nagulat ako sa usok sa loob nito...

waaahhh!!!!!!!!
hindi pwede!!!!!!

nasunog ang kinatatakaman kong popcorn! mainit pa nang ito'y binuksan ko... lumabas ang mas makapal pang usok... at imbis na dilaw e itim na ang mga popcorn... sa sobrang sama ng loob ke itinapon ko nalang ito...

natatarantang nagbabaan isa-isa nag mga officemates ko...
"nasaan na ung popcorn??", " anung nangyare, bakit nasunog??"

at ang pinakamasakit na tanong... "hindi ka ba marunong gumamit ng microwave??"

nagflash back tuloy ung experience ko dati few years ago, nakasunog din ako sa microwave kasama ung kaibigan ko.. dahil sa gusto namin ng madaliang midnight snack.. pinilit namin lutuin ung frozen na hotdog sa microwave... kinalabasan... isang kaawa awang tuyot na hotdog. natawa nalang ako nung naalala ko un...

buti nalang hindi nagalit ang boss ko sa nangyare... haaayyy.... dumikit ang amoy ng sunog na popcorn sa damit ko na hanggang ngayon e naamoy ko pa... sa sama ng loob ko, napabili nalang ako ng nilagang mais para miryenda.

P.S. ~ ginugle ko lang po ang picture na yan... parang ganyan kasi ung kinalabasan ng popcorn :(
pinalitan ko na nga pala ung backround song ko,, laging may natatakot kasi sa intro ng enveloped ideas ng The Dawn e... :)

Currently Playing: I Want Something That I Want by Bethany Joy Galleoti

to stay or to go...

2009-08-11T08:23:00.001-07:00

I’m trying to make a draft of my resignation letter. But I can’t type even a single word except, Dear Sir. Just last week, my friends happily informed me that they want me to join their team in their newly established advertising agency. My heart jumped in excitement as they explained to me how promising the company is. After a few days of thinking it through, I have finally decided and said ‘yes’ to their offer.

But right now,, my dilemma is whether to go or to stay. November 2004 since my current employer hired me to be their general accountant. I have learned a lot and gained a lot of friends. Working in an advertising industry is such a lot of fun. But I can tell that it’s very very frustrating for me. Frustrating because here is where I realized that I shouldn’t took Management Accounting as a college course. Maybe I should have taken Fine Arts major in Advertising, Creative Writing, Marketing and the like. Though I enjoyed my stay in this company and considered my officemates now as my own family, I can’t help longing to break free. I feel like a victim by our employer. As an accountant, I can see the flow of his financials and I realized that we, his employees are not included in his priorities. Unadjusted salaries, sometimes delayed, poor benefits, unremitted tax and other governmental benefits, and a bunch of – I can consider – rotten system practices of most Filipino employers who thinks that you’re lucky that he give you a job. Even the complimentary magazines that we used to receive every month from various publications, he blocked it. I know I should be thankful for having a job unlike a million other Filipinos struggling to have one. But I can’t help but wish to have a better employer. An employer who reminds you of your worth in their company and then if you’re lucky, you’ll receive incentives.
I have a lot of reasons to leave but same as to stay. I’ll miss the coziness in the office with my beloved officemates, who already know whenever I’m okay or not. The endless stories and laughter while we work, the cool sounds, the food trips during overtime, gimiks, fun photoshoots, the team effort that transformed us into responsible individuals, all of this and a lot more in almost 5 years, the reasons that dragging me to stay.
I’m contemplating in writing a letter… I don’t know how to start but I want it to be just simple and concise. As my Ate said, “formality lang naman yan eh!” And as to what I feel right now, I am grateful… for the years of tears and laughter, for everything that I experienced and learned, for the trials that made me hope, for not letting my hopes die and for facing a new phase in my life!

Currently Playing:

“Sleepless nights when your memory consumed me But they all have been long gone… I’m so much more than what you cared to see. You drove me away Now I can move forward. Move forward…” – Anthem by Urbandub

“Parked car this night sky, makes city lights shine like diamonds.. our song plays on the radio…” – First of Summer by Urbandub (theme song namin to habang nakatambay sa may kanto!)

Aaawww...

2009-08-08T01:17:00.000-07:00

Eto ang naging reaction ko nang nagreply ang dad ko sa akin…

Ganto kasi yon…

Kahapon,, nagpaload ako sa globe sim ko after 45 years.. palibhasa batang araw na rin ako ngayon :)

so aun, naisip kong itext ang dad ko… hanap..hanap… hanggang sa nakakita ako ng maayos na mensahe na nagpapakita ng konting ‘care’. Hindi naman kasi ako ganun kaclose sa dad ko,, hindi rin naman normal sa min ang pagiging cheesy.. ewan ko ba, absent kami malamang ng magpasabog si lord ng sweetness sa mga tao.. tsk tsk..

“Laughter drains all stress for the whole day. May you always be happy, and have that big smile on your face as having the Lord in your heart always! Ingat lagi! :)

Simple lang di ba?!
Sa hindi ko inaasahan, nagreply ang dad ko na kahapon e nasa Cavite, sa business site niya…

“wen u txt me with dat kind of phrase it inspires me to work more n more..it gives me a little sigh n comfort…just continue ur good work and who knows.. u mayb d nxt Gloria hopefully.”

Aawww… kala ku nung una quote din, hehe! Akalain mo, napasok sa isipan ng tatay ko na maging Gloria ako someday??! Ehe. Sabay relpy ko ng “ay ayoko po ng gloria, kung cory – winner un!”

Un na, nateary-eyed na ko.. iba kasi talaga pag galing sa magulang ang mensahe.. bawat salita may tama. Na kahit may kulang, may napupunan na rin unti-unti..
Kung meron man sa inyo na medyo katulad ko na nagstuggle sa mga awkward moments sa mga parents.. try niyo lang subukan sa text ipakita ang care… habang may panahon pa tayo bumawi sa kanila sa lahat ng pagod para mairaos ang pagpapalaki sa atin. Minsan care o malasakit na lang talaga ang maisusukli natin.. ang malaman nila na mahal natin sila at sobrang pinagpapahalagahan natin ang mga ginawa nila para satin. Hanggat buhay pa sila at pwede pa tayong marinig at makita.. hindi rin sila perpekto gaya natin pero may mga bagay na kailangan nating maintindihan sa kanila maliban sa pagnanais natin na maintindihan nila tayo.

In my case… I still need improvement, more practice pa kumbaga. Pero sabi nga ng kaibigan ko na si Anne, ung intention lang na gusto mo rin mag reach out - your half the battle na!

Nakakapagod din ang trabaho ko pero carry! You made my day dad! Tc! :)

Currently Playing: You've got to hide your love away by The Beatles

tear-jerk me...

2009-08-05T09:35:00.000-07:00

wish ko talaga may muwang na ako during Cory's Presidency.

"Ako’y nagpapasalamat sa inyong lahat at lalong-lalo na sa Panginoong Diyos, na ginawa niya akong isang Pilipino. Talagang karangalan ko iyon, na maging katulad niyo at maraming salamat sa lahat ng tulong na ibinigay niyo sa akin." – Corazon C. Aquino (1933 – 2009)

andaming mga nagbigay na magagandang eulogy for the late former president, Mrs. Cory Aquino. i heard a lot,, a read a lot... actually, i have nothing to comment at all, theres no way to disagree. lahat ng sinabi nila tama!

but what striked me most was Kris Aquino's eulogy...

coz i was once a mourner for a lost mother..

lalong bumaha ng luha sa bahay namin nang narinig namin ni ate ang mga linyang ito...

“I’m sorry mom, I lied to you. Nagsinungaling ako when I told you na we would be okay. I did this because we wanted you to be free from all your pain at para hindi ka na mag-alala tungkol sa amin. Pero, mom, it would take a lifetime for us to be okay because we will forever miss you,”

cant help but cry.. i felt every word that she said... god, i miss my mom...

totoo ung mga sinabi niya...

"how do I find the words to say goodbye? paano ba magpaalam kapag alam mo, alam ng puso mo na hindi pa rin sapat ang panahon na ibinahagi sayo ng Diyos sa piling ng iyong pinakamamahal..."

i was 16 when i lost my mom.. its been almost 10 years since that unforgivable cancer take her away from us... and it still hurts... a lot of what might have been's endlessly running through my head... i have nothing to say anymore... i might breakdown now...

i admire Kris for this heartfelt eulogy.. to be able to tell the world how much she loves her mom and proud being her daughter.

Currently Playing: Handog ng Pilipino sa Mundo

ang pambabato sa kritiko...

2009-07-27T07:20:00.001-07:00

Sa huling pagkakataon, inihayag ni Mrs. Arroyo ang kanyang State of the Nation Address. Haayyy, sana huli na nga talaga..
Nakakatawa kasi maghapon akong nakikinig sa DZMM para sa mga latest updates nang ibalita nila na may isinulat sa editorial ng Washington Times na talaga namang nakakadurog sa imahe ni arroyo… isang MISTAKE raw ang pagme-meet nila ni Obama.. eto ung isang part ng article…

“The Washington Times said Obama would become a "sanitizer" for Mrs. Arroyo’s troubled presidency plagued by allegations of corruption, human rights abuses, and moves to prolong her tenure.

"The choice of Mrs. Arroyo for this honor was a mistake because Mr. Obama is being used to give political cover for the Philippine president's troubles back home," read the editorial titled Obama the Sanitizer.”

Wasak! Sabay sagot ng Press Secretary Cerge Remonde na irresponsible journalism raw at biased ang writer. Lol!

Bale ang SONA ay sinimulan ng isang panalangin para kay Cory Aquino. Salamat sa demokrasya!

Ang ilan sa mga nilaman ng SONA (o masasabi kong bato niya sa mga kritiko niya):

• Ang State of the Nation natin ay isang Strong Economy (kung un ang gusto niyang paniwalaan..ok.)

• Hindi raw siya naging president para maging popular. - Okay pa ren, sige!

• “For standing with me and doing the right thing – thank you congress.”

• For the last months of her tenure, expect not politics. Sorry but its all work. Talaga lang e parang nagsisimula ka nang mangandidato niyan!

• Time to shine! Infrastructure, Telecommunications, Employments, CARP Program, Pabahay, Loan Condonation, Hunger Mitigation Program, Low Cost generics, Average Inflation, Education… Dapat lang po!

• “There is nothing more than I can wish for but peace in Mindanao.” - gogogo!
• "Equal opportunity for a maningful job to all" - gogogo ren!

Matapang ang paglalahad niya ng SONA. Pero hindi ko makuhang humanga sa kanya. Sabi ni Gov. Salceda, we need to see the big picture in her presidency. Kahit marami siyang magagandang mga adhikain, at kahit na tayo ay nasa panahon na tinatawag na “culture of distrust’, pero dahil sa hindi pa matapos-tapos na mga kaso niya sa corruption like ZTE at Fertilizer scam, I cant get myself to see the big picture.

Hindi daw siya diktador kundi isang determinadong pangulo. – talaga?! Hindi niya binuklat ang tungkol sa umalingasaw na ConAss. Kahit ang mga kasong kinasasadlakan niya at ng kanyang asawa, pinili niya rin na hindi magkomento. Sa pagkawala at pagkamatay ng maraming mga demonstrador at journalist, wala rin ba siyang kinalaman? Kumusta naman ang diktadurya sa kamay niya? Saang aspeto tayo dapat maging determinado sa pagsulong gayong napakarami ang nagrarally at humuhingi ng katotohanan… Anu na nga ba ang estado ng bansa tungkol sa mga puntong yan.

Wala siyang nabanggit.

Sa halip ay nambato nalang siya sa mga kritiko niya.

“If want to do something, do it. Do it well… and don’t say bad words in public!” (for Mar Roxas)

Iginigiit nya ang charter change.. open naman ako sa idea na yan dahil talga namang marami kelangan amyendahin sa saligang batas.. basta hindi lang ako pabor na siya pa ren ang may kapangyarihan na magmanipula dito.. "I will step down from this stage but not from the presidency… term will end next year… I never expressed desire to extend my term". Kahit na sinabi na niya ang mga katagang ito, ngunit hindi niya nilinaw kung may balak pa siyang kumandidato.. tangnaloob, tama na!

Currently Playing: Trapo by Yano

taya!

2009-07-26T08:08:00.000-07:00

my favorite music video for the moment! woohoo!
im so in-love with up dharma down!!
hope you enjoy it as i do! ^_^

Kagabi, di matapos-tapos ang

Nobelang binubuo sa mumunting isipan ko

Kakitiran, namimilit pang mangatuwiran

Iniipon ang mga pagkakataonsa isang sulok at pinagdurugtong-dugtong

dugtong(dugtong)

kapit(kapit)

kabig(kabig)

mali(mali)

Huli na ang lahat

Para bawiin ang hindi nararapat

Ano ba? umaayos ka

Wala nang magagawa sa nahulog na

At tayong dalawa, at tayong dalawa'y

urong(urong)

Sulong(sulong)

Urong-sulong nalang ba?

sakit(sakit)

bakit(bakit)

Bakit ako na lamang ang natitira?

Kasalanan mong lahat nang 'to

Bakit ako pinagbabayad mo?

Kasalanan mong lahat ng 'to, oh

Nagtataka ako

Bakit siya ang pinili mo?

albatros

2009-07-20T05:57:00.000-07:00

Kagabi, sa kasarapan ng aking pagbabasa, nakaramdam ako ng pagdyingle. Dahil don, dali-dali kong itinaob ang libro kong binabasa at nagmamadaling pumunta sa banyo. Pinindot ko ang switch ng ilaw at dali-daling naupo. Nagtaka ako ng napansin ko na walang ilaw na nagbukas – pundido na siguro ang bombilya. Maya-maya pa ay naamoy ko ang halimuyak ng albatross. Ganung ganon. Bago ito kaya malakas pa ang amoy. Maya-maya pa, may biglang nagflash-back sa aking isipan sa gitna ng dilim. Lagi ring pundido ang ilaw ng cr namin sa dating bahay namin sa Panorama. Dahil sa walang nag-aasikaso non sa bahay, pare-pareho nalang rin kami nasanay na walang ilaw ron. Pero kapag kailangang-kailangan talaga, binubuksan namin ang ilaw sa likod-bahay na siyang kalikuran lang ng cr – para sa konting liwanag na maihahagip nito. Pagpasok dito ay maamoy na kaagad ang albatross na noon ay nakasabit sa tubo na di kalayuan sa gripo. Hindi nawawalan sa min ng albatros kasi kinasanayan na un kahit pa noong buhay pa si Mommy. As usual, kahit sa ganoong bagay ay nagiging nostalgic na agad ako. Sa ilang minuto ay may mga piling ala-ala ang napadaan sa isip ko. Tulad ng mga oras na nagmamadali kami tuwing umaga sa paggamit ng cr dahil may makulit na nakatok sa pinto na sususnod na magbabanyo. Ung kapatid ko, naririnig ko pa… “aba, ate, nilamon ka na yata ng kubeta dyan???!!” Dun din ako nagpupunta kapag ayokong marinig ang nakakarinding sermon noon ni Mommy =) Ilan lang yon sa napakarami. Maya-maya pa ay sa unahan ko na kinakapa ang pintuan,, natawa ako sa sarili nang napagtanto ko na nasa kanan bahagi na pala ang pinto sa banyo namin sa bahay ngayon. Magdadalawang taon na rin ang nagdaan mula nang umalis kami sa bahay kung saan kami lahat lumaki. Magdadalawang taon na pero sauladong saulado ko pa rin (o masasabi kong namin) ang bawat detalye ng bahay na yon,, na kung papipiliin ako, dun ko pa rin gugustuhing tumira hanggang sa pagtanda – sa tahanan ng aming napakasaya at walang kamatayang kabataan.

Paglabas ko sa cr, tinanong ko si ate, ‘Anong scent ng albatross ang ginagamit natin?” “Strawberry, bakit?” sagot niya. Nakangiti lang akong bumalik sa kinauupuan ko at nagpatuloy sa pagbabasa ng librong itinaob.

Currently Playing: Tama ka by Eraserheads

“Kay sarap sariwain ang malayang kahapon… ang hirap isiping ang layo ng noon…”

Free nga ba ang Freewill??

2009-07-16T08:06:00.000-07:00

ilang linggo na ang nakakaraan, nagkaroon ng inuman session sa apartment namin.. chill chill daw muna dahil sa napaka hectic na schedule sa nagdaang linggo... masaya ang kwentuhan... tawanan, biruan... mga lima kami na magkakasama...

maya-maya napunta ang topic namin sa tungkol sa mga spiritual na bagay...

mejo ayoko ng topic na to dahil nasa gitna namin ang alak habang pag-uusapan ang Diyos..

may nakapagsabi na 'buti ka pa, malakas ka kay bro!'

sa hindi ko maintindihang rason, napa-oo naman ako... dala na rin siguro ng amats.

nagulat nalang ako nang nagtanong sakin ang kasama kong si Jake...

"Bakit ganun,, binigyan pa tayo ng freewill ni god kung pagtapos ng lahat lahat -- siya rin naman ang masusunod?? "

ang tanung niya na un mukhang matagal tagal nang gumugulo sa isipan niya na siyang nagpapabigat ng duda niya sa diyos. medyo natigilan ako... at dahan dahan kong sinagot ang kanyang tanong... hindi ko na maalala ang mga sagot ko.. ayaw tanggapin ng isip niya ang mga sinasabi ko,, malamang epekto na rin ng alak. wala ring kwenta. isa lang ang alam ko,, hindi tama na makipag-argue tungkol sa mga ganitong topic.. lalu na, sana talaga hindi namin to napag-uusapan sa gitna ng alak...

tsk tsk...

*****

kahapon.. habang nasa gitna ako ng traffic sa SLEX.. may nagpadala sa akin ng text message..
swak na swak sa naging topic namin...

well, sana mabasa niya to...

"Did you ever wonder why I dont use My power to make people do what I want?

I wanted a real relationship with you.

that's why I gave you a freewill. I wanted you to have the freedom to choose Me. If I had to force you to love Me, would your love mean as much?

Sometimes you will make the wrong choices. But I'm willing to risk that, because when you finally choose My plans for you, I know it will be your decision."

-GOD

nice isn't it?
para sa mga taong may ganito ring tanong... this is a perfect answer.. :)

TULAD NG DATI

2009-07-10T09:09:00.001-07:00

Ansaya! I was able to watch again The Dawn’s independently released film – Tulad ng Dati. The film won BEST PICTURE, BEST EDITING and BEST SOUND in the 2006 Cinemalaya Festival in the Philippines. Grabe, astig talaga! Kapanahunan ko to! Its about the life story of The Dawn and Jett Pangan’s as well. How he struggled about Teddy Diaz’s death, who happened to be his band mate and confidante. He became arrogant along the way and he forgot the importance of other band mates and friends who, in spite of all, remained in the group. Ibang klase pakiramdam! Id like to ask every Filipino to watch it. It is a part of Philippine history. I dont know what else to say about it. I almost cried. Just watch it. I enjoyed so much the story especially the conversation of Jett and Teddy there..some goes like this…

Teddy diaz: Think about this Jett,, pag may nawala sa isang tao, anong ginagawa?

Jett Pangan: Hinahanap.

Teddy: What if di mahanap?

Jett: Pinapalitan.

Teddy: What if hindi mapalitan?

Jett: Kinakalimutan.

Teddy: Last question, ano ang gagawin if yung nawala, ay hindi mahanap, hindi mapalitan, at hindi makalimutan?

Jett: Tinatanggap.

Yeah, acceptance.. it strike me in a way. There will come a point in our life where we’ll have to accept the version of truths of us as it unfolds in our very faces. By doing so, we’ll be able to discover a part of us, the part that you never thought existed. It’s hard but it’s liberating.

The show really made my night. Buti nalang umuwi ako ng maaga! Cool din ung utol ko kasi magkasama kami nanood. We both shared our comments about the conversations and flow of the film.

Currently Playing:

“…kung may bagyo o kung tag-araw sa iyong damdamin… sana ay makilala kang muli tulad ng dati…” - I sympathizes with you Kapatid! =)

“…basta’s kasama mo ako, iisang bangka tayo… anuman ang mithiin ay makakamtam natin…” – as always,, I’ll stay.

bagong buhay... bagong blog...

2009-07-08T05:58:00.000-07:00

isa akong batang friendster...
mga 6-7 na taon narin akong myembro nun...
kung papipiliin ako, mas gusto ko ang fs kesa sa fb...
pakiramdam ko kasi mas lumalabas ang personalidad ko sa fs..
tapos, nadiskubre ko ang pagbblog...
nasiyahan ako...

pero minsan may darating na mga pangyayari na kelangan mong magbago ng lugar na ginagalawan... kaiba sa nakasanayan... magsimula ng panibago...
hindi ko maipaliwanag ang mga dahilan,, pero isa lang ang sigurado ako,, kailangan ko na ito!

salamat sa kaibigan kong nag-introduce sakin nitong blogger.. astig!

sa bagong blog na ito, nagpost pa rin ako ng mga inaamag ko nang mga blog sa friendster,, pumili lang ako ng maganda baunin mula sa masayang nakalipas...

promise,, hindi masyado malungkot ang mga lalamanin nito... ehe.. :)

isang mapagpalayang araw ng pagbabasa at paglalahad sa lahat!!! *_*

Currently PLaying: Naroon by Yano

it gradually fades...

2009-06-24T09:35:00.000-07:00

As I scribbled beautifully in the sand,, even if I don’t want to… I can’t do anything to stop it. The waves washed them out.

But I do love the waves.

After a careful thinking that maybe the waves don’t want me to write, still I don’t know what’s in its mind. And I remembered how happy I was whenever I look at such beauty I created in the sand, so I started scribbling again.

It’s beautiful.

A beauty of simplicity made by nature and my love… it definitely looks perfect to me.

And I am happy.

I never imagined that I can be as creative.. It made me feel so beautiful and powerful that I never thought I can be. It feels like I wanna do it forever.

My waves came back.

The happiness I felt somehow made me blind that I never noticed the return of the waves. My beautiful creation gradually fades… it seems like I’ve lost everything that I dreamed of.

I tried again.

I know there’s no point but I still continued. Until the sand is as soft as silk that my scribbles are now can’t be recognized. So I stopped.

Did you betray me?

Confused as I am, I asked the waves, “Why do you have to crash at this part right where my creativity blooms- which I love? Don’t you know how happy I am?” I was still babbling when the waves crashed again covering my feet with sand, he said, “this is where the wind is leading me, here is where I am supposed to crash”

Maybes…

Maybe the sand was happy too with the beauty I made with it. But it was washed away so easily by the waves. There’s no same beauty and power that I felt. Maybe I can’t be beautiful and powerful at all.

It has stolen me.

Maybe it’s the sanest thing or just the sweetest kind of dream… somewhere between the dark sky and the waves… I was lost.
_________________________________________________________

“It’s not that I’ve forgotten. I haven’t. it’s a memory of an emotional episode, but it’s no longer emotional itself.” – Matthew Walker (from Ardhee’s stat, June 2009)

Thanks Thanks to my Silver Years!

2009-06-19T09:10:00.000-07:00

Tada! My silver year is about to be over! My 25 years of existence in this world had been such a roller coaster ride. Twists and turns, ups and downs… whew! Though I’m trying so hard to enjoy the beauty of the surrounding landscapes, I can’t help but feel the fear… it feels like my heart, intestines and other insides will come out of my mouth. Nevertheless,, I managed to hold on.
I cant believe it! Its been 25 years of my brilliant existence… a quarter of a century. To sum it all, I am nothing but grateful.

1.Mom!Wherever you are right now, I’m thankful for you. Thanks for bringing me up, for letting me experience a beautiful childhood. For every simple trials that you helped me how to deal with. I want you to know that I still feel your love and guidance every now and then. I love you!

2.Dad! Thanks for giving me a good life. Thank you for not giving me up especially in times of distress. Thanks for standing up for us as a mom and dad for us! I love you!

3.Ate! Thanks for your influence in music and fashion that I learned to appreciate as I grow up. Thanks for sharing your point of views, thanks for being my very best friend!

4.JR! Thanks also for the music we shared. Thanks for being you! I’m enabling to know more about myself as I get to know you more. Thanks for reminding me every now and then that I’m not alone as I go through this life. I love you.

5.Night Till Morning Club/LEO Club! Mga kababata ko sa Panorama Ville! Thanks for opening my eyes about the world! I guess that explains it all! Haha! Seriously, thanks for the acceptance. Thanks also for opening my mind about my social responsibilities that made me realize that I can do something to help. Wherever you are right now my friends, Mary Jhoy, Jonathan, Mark, Jay, Kuya Glenn, Emon, Dimple and all… I miss you all! I love you!

6.Singles for Christ! That’s for bringing me back to the heart of worship! Thanks for saving my lost soul. Thanks for the guidance that you gave me in my time of crisis as i grow up. Thanks not letting me go… unitl now. Thanks Sis. Ner, Sis. Joy, Sis. Anne, Bro. Kosep, Bro. JR, Con, Franz, Kuya Harold, Henry, Tio Greg and Tita Beth, and to all West 2 andWest 3 SFC Community. You’re the best! Bro. JR, thanks ha, until now you’re still there pulling me up. Sabi nga, kung gusto mo ng mga totoong kaibigan mag-SFC ka! Astig! I love you all!

7.Kanlungan Family! Thanks for the inspiration. Thanks for reminding me that I can achieve something or I can go anywhere because you guys are always there to support! Thanks for the burning spirit of friendship! I need not to say much,,, you already know what I mean! I love you all!

8.Sis. Anne! Thanks for the wisdom you’ve imparted on me, until now it’s still with me. Your words are engraved in my heart. You’ve done a good job in my transformation. Thank God, He let me know you. I’ll never forget you as long as I live. I love you.

9.Millimeter Clan! Thanks – I was able to gain confidence as I learned my value through you as I shared my knowledge with you. Thanks for all my co-employees who became my very good friends. To Toni, Carlo, May, Jason, Kuya Abe… to everyone… I love you all!

10.Cheska, Pia, Macky, and Gerard. MY pamangkins! I don’t have my own family yet but through their eyes and smiles made me believe that there’s a beautiful future waits for me as I wait for what God had planned for me. They let me realize a deeper sense of responsibility. To make myself a better me in order for them to be molded as one.

Thank God for this gift of Life. Thanks thanks! I won’t be able to feel this happiness if its not with Your Presence! Thanks for not giving me up. Thanks for saving me every now and then! Cheers!

happy trip po!

2009-06-09T09:12:00.000-07:00

June 5, Friday - the news came to me that our high school teacher - Ms. Fely Baterina, passed away. she died after being confined in the ICU for almost 2 years. saturday night I went to the wake with my HS friends. its just so funny that almost everyone in there were Ms. Fely’s former students.. funny coz they have the same statements in remembering her… “grabe, malupit siya manabunot sa patilya!” e lahat yata naranasan un e! I cant deny,, she’s one of the reasons why i had a not so good highschool memories. the fear, humiliation, strictness, favoritism (definitely not me! i learned then the meaning of the word “unfair”),, made me wish the high school is over. and it was so over, thank God!

Ms. Fely and I weren’t really close like in “Tuesdays with Morrie” scene. but i believe somehow i owe her a part of who i am as i grew up. it was through her that i learned to comprehend well the language of English. it was through her that i appreciated to read books (coz we need it for our book reports). it was through her that i conquered my fear in public speaking (takot ko nalang talaga!). and above all, i want to thank her for talking to my mom during the times when she was battling with cancer. she hugger her, cry with her, gave her advice, and maybe somehow told her “she understands”, and “keep the faith”. i maybe too young back then but i know my mom appreciated it so much. hope they remember one another when they meet in heaven and somehow give each other a smile.

I dont know Ms. Fely that much,, not much as i heard in the gossips there and there - i just know she’d been a teacher to many successful individuals in Cabuyao and the nearby towns. surprisingly, me and my HS friends doesnt feel the bitterness in the memories in her hands anymore. we are now smiling and laughing as we remember each youthful memories.
Thank you Ms. Fely Baterina, we’ll never forget you and forever be grateful for your part in our being. Happy journey!

Currently Playing: I Will Remember You by Sarah Mclachlan

UTTERLY PROFOUND

2009-02-04T09:13:00.000-08:00

ALICIA KEYS, ERASERHEADS, RIHANNA AND CHRIS BROWN (JANUARY 2009)

2009-01-20T08:42:00.000-08:00

Imagine, todo! I attended three major concerts last year! Last August, together with Loricel, my highschool friend, we watched Alicia Keys Live at SMX Convention MOA. Singing my favorite hits, gosh! I almost cried! Especially, If I Ain’t Got You and No One! Oh my! Cel treated me snacks as her birthday blow out, then we had coffee after! Truly, the concert is unforgettable!

In the same month (8.30.08), I and my siblings watched Eraserheads The Reunion at Global City Taguig! All the childhood memories relived! “Kapanahunan namin to!” No words can explain how overwhelmed we were. I cried during the opening countdown and they played Alapaap! Everybody’s singing and shouting! I still love them,, walang makakatalo.pramis! nakaka-high, astig!!! Even if they weren’t able to finished the show (because Ely had heart attack), still, the concert was remarkable! Im proud, I was part of it! It’s a history!

Come November, together with my officemates and my brother, we watched Rihanna and Chris Brown Concert! I’m not really a fan with anyone of them,, but then, I can say that their performance were superb! We sang and danced to their music! We had a great party night! Woohoo!

What will be the next kaya? Well, hope marami pa sumunod! It’s a great feeling how we lose control in the concert area. Ka-high talaga! Hmmm… I’ll look forward for more this year! Weee!!!!

BEST GIFT THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

2008-12-27T08:31:00.000-08:00

December 19, I was having a not so good day, that’s when we knew that we have no bonus to receive. ‘Unfair’ is the right word to explain the day. ‘oh well’ I said. Maybe that’s part of my punishment for hating xmas. And so I kept quiet and I just wanted to spend the rest of the night drinking. To make the story short.. we’re on my way to Alabang carrying a lot of stuffs,, gifts from our officemates.. until Jason and Carlo told me that I need to go home. I just gave them a confused look. I said I want a drink right away.. but then I was shocked when they gave me their gifts. I was really surprised! 2 books of Twilight Saga: Eclipse and Breaking Dawn! That’s why I need to go home pala! Carlo is also my monito in our gift giving in the office and he gave me 2 books of Paulo Coelho. Astig! Both of them are wishing me to have a happy xmas. and for that,, they completed my wish lists- im thinking that I don’t deserve those but still - its amazing! Then I thought.. these two friends that I have gave me not only the precious books,, but they gave me the best gift I had for the season… it’s the realization that Christ is still with me., eventhough im hesitant to recognize His presence. He’s with me to make me happy, to help me look forward to positive things, to feel the presence of those who love me.. He gave me hope through people that in the same way are thankful for my presence.

Thank you for your gifts everyone! Thanks for getting me back on my feet!

Currently Playing: Lightyears by Eraserheads

I’m really hoping that the good things are yet to come. It even made me listen to those who are talking about good lucks in Feng Shui.. about the Year of the Ox and of how lucky are those who are born in the year of the Boar because they are friends with Ox. Whatever that means. I just want to stay positive! I need some drive… fire! I’m really working on it! With the help of my friends and family,, hopefully,, like the other years that passed, this year too shall pass..and I’m gonna make it!

Got my dreams, got my life, got my love

Got my friends, got the sunshine above

Why am I making this hard on myself

When there’s so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy

WAKE ME UP WHEN DECEMBER ENDS…

2008-12-15T08:35:00.000-08:00

Eto na naman ako.. I cant remember since when I hated xmas.. Its not that I hate Christ.., oh my,, I cant do that! – its just that for me, its sad. I’ve been vocal about this matter… and I understand when people around me don’t. They say I’m weird.. well, I tell them that they don’t need to be bothered by me not wanting the occasion… they just have to respect that. I don’t know, maybe because the occasion reminds me most of my mom.. of the happy times.. the celebrations, the comfort, the hope that the occasion brings… and its painful., knowing that things will never be the same again… i cant remember anymore how to be happy during xmas season.. funny. Yes, I haven’t really moved on.. I guess that’s the way it’s going to be.. and I don’t know when will this stop. I’m grateful though.. for my family, friends, and other blessings. Thanks for wishing me to have a merry xmas! I appreciate it! God bless!

Currently Playing: Sana Ngayong Pasko by Lea Salonga, The Man Who Cant Be Moved by The Script

MY LATEST ADDICTION (October to November 2008)

2008-11-15T08:48:00.000-08:00

I can still remember my last anime craze was Ghostfighter and Sailor Moon. Since I have nothing to do every night after office,, my officemate, Lee lend me some anime stuffs.. to kill time. First: Golden Boy- a very funny, semi-hentai, inspiring series.

And the latest.. Death Note! This series can drive you crazy… it’s a not-your-typical-type of anime,.. its about a boy named Light who wanted to rule the world by killing all the bad people by writing their names in the death note which came from a death god. Until an investigative team worked on to catch him. Its mysterious, tactical, provocative, mind-blowing. Gosh, I love L! i really recommend this if you want some rockin' on your world! yeahba!

hmmm… well, thanks Lee-bug! Your stuffs are really cool! Panext ako sa iba mong dvd ha?! Ehe…

Another addiction: Twilight! Its about an astonishing vampire who fell in love with an ordinary girl. I believe almost everyone knows about Twilight, I will not elaborate na. ehe! Whew! I love Edward! Sana ako nalang si Bella! (lande!) The film will be out soon na raw.. cant wait!

Currently Playing: Bella’s Lullaby

KEYS IN MY KEY CHAIN

2008-11-15T08:14:00.000-08:00

As I told you before, I was forced to live by myself near our office. I was contented to have myself a bedspace and gratefully gained new friends – my boardmates. After a year, two of them moved into a house that happened to be their staff house,, but they invited me and my other mate (Jhoy) to join them… and so we moved too. The house was good… just a little scary but its homey… it reminds me of my hideout in Panorama. But we stayed there for only more than a month after we held our Halloween party there (together with my officemates and Jhoy’s barkada – that was cool! –see my pics!) then the next day, our neighbors throw their complains on us. (KJ! it’s Halloween, c’mon!) So Jhoy and I was asked to move to other house.. (the complainants are powerful… isa lang masasabi ko,, mga pangit silang! Haha!) that was sad… but no regrets!

Come November,, we moved again to Jhoy’s friend’s available room. It’s a very cozy room – astig! It’s just that a lot of complications raised that made us to decide to leave that lovely place. After three weeks… babay again. Whew! Then finally, we found another room-for-rent in a nearby neighborhood.. where I am right now writing this. Hoping that this will be the last lipat-bahay we’ll ever have this year. I love being here now. It’s a studio type of room- quite small but we manage to make it cool and girly and comfortable – we used a lot of creativity to make it… hmmm… proud me! Hehe!

In just a very short period of time, four sets of keys occupied my keychain. It felt sad everytime I have to remove each set – it made me feel numb. I felt a feeling that I don’t belong to anywhere anymore. And it sucks! But it’s ok! Looking back… I feel so grateful that every lipat-bahay I had, my new friends (Jhoy’s barkada) are ready to help me carry my stuffs. Astig! Then I have my offcemates worried about me whenever I’m not with myself thinking about where am I supposed to find a new place to stay – and they keep me sane,, that’s the most important! J I’m glad though,, what more can I say… I have a new house!

Currently Playing: Angel by Sarah McLachlan

We Might As Well Be Strangers to Our Own Selves

2008-10-21T09:04:00.000-07:00

Its been a year since we moved to San Pablo,, and since I started renting and be living far away from my Dad and brother. It’s already been a year since my life had changed drastically. God, it’s already been a year.. How come I didn’t notice? It’s been a year,, what has become of me? I don’t know if I’ve been successful in my soul searching or otherwise… I’m having difficulty finding myself again… I almost always feel like I’m lost. Looking back over the past year,, I don’t know if I’m gonna laugh or have myself a knock out punch.. I’m 25 years old now and it’s hard to admit to myself that… I’m really lost - when I know for a fact that I can’t be lost, that I’m always in control. But I’m finding my way back to the circulation. I’m choosing to follow this path and I’m getting better now. Trust me. Hmmm,, let’s just say that I’m in “work in progress” now. haha! labo no?! I’m really getting near to craziness or whatever you call it. I’m finding comfort now in reading books, cross stitching, gym-ing, listening to hard rock songs through my earphones in its maximum volume til is hurts my ears. Still, I hardly understand what’s going on.

“People are going to disappoint you, I get that… I kind of expect that, but I dont know, what if you wake up one day and realize that you’re the disappointment. ” - Peyton Sawyer, One Tree Hill

Maybe I am… it’s not hard to see… It’s just hard to accept the stubborn fact.

There in the middle of happy people partying, I only see wine…
In between sound and noise, I only hear music…
In the midst of confusion and tranquility there I shed my cry…
Carry on…

Currently Playing:
One Tree Hill Soundtrack esp. I don’t want to be by Gavin deGraw and When the Stars Go Blue by Tyler Hilton
Catalyst by Anna Nalick
Wait by Get Set Go
Breathe You In by Thousand Foot Krutch

P.S.
you might be puzzled.. from my last post I mentioned that I’ll weed out my other unnecessary baggage, to be at peace and be a blessing to other people. Sorry to disappoint you, I wish I could but I can’t help it. Well, maybe that’s the way it is. Truly, it’s hard to say you’re okay when you’re not. Don’t be deceived. My life is an understatement.

IN THE MIDST (mid-August to mid-October)

2008-10-21T08:57:00.000-07:00

Reckon
I’ve been spending a lot of time or even days pondering what just had happened to me since mid August.
Time is exceptionally running in a flash.
So fast… I can’t even catch my breath.
So rapid… It seems like few minutes just past from last week.
I don’t know what to say anymore,, a lot of things had happened.
Every day is all different than others.
New experiences, new adventures, new acquaintances.. new found realizations…
Nothing seems repetitive, nothing to complain about, haha!
Everyday is a surprise,, how cool is that?!

My New Hideout
Before anything else, i wanna tell you about my new hideout. For those of you who doesn’t know,, my first hideout was in our old place In Panorama Ville, Sta. Rosa. It took me time before I find a place to be my new hideout. And now, I fin’lly found her. It’s a good simple place, near the school so somehow I feel a bright ambiance especially when I hear children’s voices every morning. Our room is lovely and warm,, perfect for our tired body after work. I’m with my former dorm mates who are now like my own sisters, accompanied by new friends/tambays that I can have cool conversations with and share loud hard laughs. Astig! I’m really striving to be more organized this time. An organized room mate is really a big factor. Well, I’m really trying, and I believe I’m learning… It’s never too late to change my bad rotten side, right?! hhmmm… wish me luck!

In The Absence Of Your Company

I’m facing a lot of revelations now. From my friends, the people around me…I’m quite worried. It’s just so unexpected, it caught me by surprise.. Its makes me wanna say, teka, isa-isa lang! But i can’t do anything about that, nothing that I can hamper the outcome. Its hard coz its coming from different people close to me, revealing things that challenges my convictions and perspectives. I know I should keep an open mind.

“I’m surrounded by liars, everywhere i turn I’m surrounded by Impostors,everywhere i turn…

I’m surrounded by Identity crisis, everywhere i turn

Am i the only one who noticed?
I cant be the only one concerned?
I don’t wanna be anything other that what I’ve been trying to be lately.
all i wanna do is think of me and i have peace of mind…

I don’t wanna be anything other than me.” - I Don’t Wanna Be by Gavin deGraw

I don’t know why I get easily affected by the circumstances divulged in front of my eyes. I don’t know for what reason but I get disappointed. And the disappointment doesn’t irritate me anymore but - it saddens me. Appallingly this is very new to me. That’s why right now, I’m running to the people with light heart and full of positive force - to make me smile as I start the day or at least before I sleep. And I’m thankful. As I reckon back how time had rapidly passed, I was terribly surprised to notice that now.. I have nobody to talk with about my concerns, my inner conflicts and even the most stupid Ideas I got in mind. It seems that a big part of me is lacking. It sinks to me just now - should I really have to get used to this? Where are you?

“At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world, some are running scared, some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day, others are just not facing the truth. some are evil men at war with good, and some are good struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes, all you need is one” - Peyton Sawyer, One Tree Hill

GETTING BETTER.. tres… ^_^

2008-08-15T09:21:00.000-07:00

The gym thing – a sweaty way to escape reality!

Just last month the thought of physical work out hit me. I decided to inquire to a gym near our office and then after a week I enrolled. I invited my officemates to go with me and I’m glad they were all encouraged. But due to hectic schedules, only one committed to go with me – Cerwina! We’re gym buddies now- cool! Working out is truly no joke. My first day was hell… I cant even lie down to my bed… ache is everywhere in my body. The following days, I’m getting used to it.. and whenever I can feel the pain… in every sit ups… in every lift… I’m enduring it and I’m loving it. It makes me wanna kick some ass! Wapak!

Before I decided to work out.. I thought I just wanna be healthy… and I’m achieving it right now. And then I realized that I want a goal… hmmm… to achieve rich yummy abs! yes, that’s a goal. I want that… hehe.. well, wish me luck! Woohoo! =)

Currently Playing: Energy by Keri Hilson
Better in Time by Leona Lewis (Peram ng theme song mo cerwin!)
Superwoman by Alicia Keys

GETTING BETTER.. kwatro… ^_^

2008-08-15T09:16:00.000-07:00

I’m glad… August is being kind to me.. not as cruel as June and July.

I’m working out now… and the good thing about it is that, it lessen my time to check the net. Coz whenever I go home from the gym, I just wanna sleep… Sarap! Well, maybe the less information, the better… less thinking, less piles of ideas to absorb after reading… it’s quite relaxing…but I miss this actually.

My mind is clear… I’m having enough time to converse with other people… to share thoughts, to listen… and its good coz it helps me refrain from thinking about my senti stuffs. I realized that weeding out my other “unnecessary” baggage in life does not only lighten me up but it also gives me more opportunities to share my blessings.

I’ve been through a lot of soul searching nowadays and it makes me either look up to see the sun or the stars at night in the skies and smile for such gratefulness or stare to nothing and push the calculator buttons coz if not I’ll wail. It brought me to reminiscing about something that I once called my “calling” – which is to help other people… to keep my optimism and idealism in this society. I was once a volunteer, active in many civic organizations – but as I dived to the real world – even if I don’t want to, I was forced to play the game of survival. And now I wonder – what happened to my calling? Will I ever be able to live with it?

Then I was able to read an article of Young Blood last August 12, entitled Barrio 101, and it taught me a lot of things.. some are as follows: If you want the world to change, change first; Live simply, so others may simply live; and most of all… HUMILITY. The article is very inspiring. somehow it told me that its never too late for my so-called “calling”, starting with a small change, simple good deeds, and then an act of humility. I can still live with it, until I finally find the time and opportunity to go back to where I’m supposed to be. I can get there.

Yesterday, an officemate/friend thanked me for something. I asked him what for, but he just said, “Basta!” and for no reason, it felt good. That wide smile and cheery eyes… it changed my day. There’s a particular feeling of happiness whenever I’ve been able to share something or inspire someone… it reminds me of my calling – and that’s something to me! Its contributing to my wholeness though I’m partly broken. That made me forget my fear about the future, the loneliness close relatives are bringing to me or that I cannot have the man that I love, my disappearing friends… despite the tragedies and misfortunes,, these are the moments I can feel that I’m alive – and I’m so alive! And to tell you, I believe its all a matter of choice!

Currently Playing: No Air by Voice Avenue
Burning Man by Third Eye Blind
Searching my Soul by Vonda Shepard
Go on girl (trust me when I say that I’ll be okay..)

enveloped ideas

Did you actually spit on me??!!

Repost: Funfair

About Today

Slightly Irrelevant

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas (Cheating on Myself_3)

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas,Make the Yule-tide gay,From now on,our troubles will be miles away.."

The Rising Begins!

hey! you've got to hide your love away!

Cheating on Myself_2

anlabo ko!

Cheating on Myself_1

Wanted: ROOM MATE!

i dont like you BIG time!

love at first sight

how to deal..

how to deal..

11th...

jeepney trip ride

Still Proud!

"I'm still proud to be a Filipino... I will still enjoy adobo and will still be resilient in the midst of adversaries... With shame and fame, I can still wear a proud Filipino smile! :)"

- apir Melvin A.!

never been this crappy

better? hhmmm...

guidelines... :)

Nomo! nOmo! nomO!

I wanna...

please stop haunting me..

Lakad lang...

no pain, no gains of Bora!

beach fondness! *_*

guess it's late

dropping a candy

Frustrations from my Apathy

Forever After

share ko lang dude...

baby, its bad news!

no candy ^_~

Step up to the plate, swing that bat!

"WE VOTERS OF QUALITY HAVE THE POWER TO LEAD THE QUANTITY ..and turn them into quality voters too....not the other way around. PAGBABAGO. SIGURADO." - Gordon

THE ADVENTURE BEGINS!

Soy Un Pardedor

its hard but it hurts me no more

mistake?!

Sand last night, see-saw tonight.

Pati ba naman me??

reality bit me,, big time!

Am no Lesbi! :))

A Repost,, remembering bitter-sweet yesterdays...

FIVE THINGS

current LSS

BE STILL...

Sa Mga Oras Na Ito

Strengthen Friendship Award

10th...

First Love Attack

have some fire!

ang malungkot na miryenda, bow...

to stay or to go...

Aaawww...

tear-jerk me...

ang pambabato sa kritiko...

taya!

albatros

Free nga ba ang Freewill??

TULAD NG DATI

bagong buhay... bagong blog...

it gradually fades...

Thanks Thanks to my Silver Years!

happy trip po!

UTTERLY PROFOUND

ALICIA KEYS, ERASERHEADS, RIHANNA AND CHRIS BROWN (JANUARY 2009)

BEST GIFT THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

WAKE ME UP WHEN DECEMBER ENDS…

MY LATEST ADDICTION (October to November 2008)

KEYS IN MY KEY CHAIN

We Might As Well Be Strangers to Our Own Selves

IN THE MIDST (mid-August to mid-October)

GETTING BETTER.. tres… ^_^

GETTING BETTER.. kwatro… ^_^

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.."

beach fondness! _